It's not as if I expected any different...

**IndigoMom** · 06-30-2010, 09:50 PM

I had to go to the hospital for an ultrasound today. Just to confirm it's cysts and not tumors in my uterus before the next step is taken. I'm not overly worried - I've always had cysts.
My sister wanted to go with me. Then this morning she couldn't get out of bed because she was partying until the wee hours of the morning. Her tenants paid part of their rent last night...so it's not as if I didn't see it coming. And it's not like she was going into the room with me. But it would have been nice not to walk up there alone. At least a friend of mine met me up there...plus I was in and out amazingly quick! If
It still hurt my feelings. Esp. after I walked all the way to the otherside of town with her on my last day off - even though we were having one of Dh's supervisors over for dinner and I had plenty to do, just to have her diagnosed with ring worm and have them 'perscribe' her Lotramin which is what I told her she needed to buy for it...Just because she didn't want to go alone and sit in the waiting room by herself. I don't know, I'm just feeling so used. It's like I have to be constantly available for every little thing for my sibilings, dispite the fact that I have my own job, home, and family to tend to as well - and when it's me - I'm on my own any way. I really have to learn to just back off when they get too clingy and needy and save my energies and resources for me and mine. It sounds cruel - but I'm not sure what else to do. I hate feeling I'm only important to any one when they have a need for me to fill.

**frugalwarrior2** · 06-30-2010, 10:23 PM

My DB and i have nothing in common. He is 5 years younger and we grew up together but oh so seperate. Speak to your sister and let her know how you feel. Things may not change but you never do know. Used is better than nothing in common. imho.

**Darlene** · 07-01-2010, 07:59 AM

Backing off doesn't sound cruel at all, it sounds like self preservation and that's a good thing. It's about time you learned that you come first and don't need to put up with the drama.

People have to earn a place in our lives, that means treating us with love and respect. Don't give others so much power with your day to day happiness. Surround yourself with good, positive things.
I'd let dear Sis know that she hurt your feelings, don't keep that inside. Doesn't mean it will change things (can't change her) but you'll get it out and move on. Not the first time you've been dissapointed but it can be the last time you let it sour your day or set yourself up for it to happen again.

**mek42** · 07-01-2010, 08:50 AM

Are you the elder sibling?

**mek42** · 07-01-2010, 04:09 PM

Ever since reading this thread, I've had Janet Jackson's "What Have You Done for me Lately" in my head for some inexplicable reason.

**IndigoMom** · 07-01-2010, 07:47 PM

Originally Posted by mek42

Are you the elder sibling?

Really, you can tell? Yes, the eldest of 3 <sigh> I know we were raised in the same home by the same people...I just don't get it.
None the less, I've made plans with a neighbor in need of some serious "Me" time to take a bus tour to Turning Stone (Casino) or even just hop onto the bus and head to the Racino at Saratoga Race Track one day soon...Oh yeah, it's time to hit that pause button

**AmyBoz** · 07-01-2010, 07:56 PM

Just because you are related to someone doesn't mean that you have to spend time with them, particularly if they are toxic to you.

to you and I'm so sorry this happened.

**gapeach** · 07-01-2010, 08:45 PM

I'm sorry this happened to you. Your sister and my sister sound a lot alike. As much as I love her I'm glad we don't live in the same state.

**frugalbutterfly** · 07-01-2010, 11:02 PM

Oh, honey I am so sorry to hear this unfortunatly, I think this type of situation happens to many sweet, loving people/ friends we talk with/ meet

.

It sounds like you wanted your sister (she is someone you love and are close to) there for support and she let you down. I am glad to hear you did have someone close with you, even if it is not the person you expected it to be.

I'll share a similar situation, only 1 becomes "them," anytime there has been MAJOR (not small, normal things everyone deals with, I mean Major) unfortunate "happenings" thrown at us, either "they" did not "hear", not available, or some other excuse. There have been talks, they have started arguments, on and on. It gets pretty toxic and dh actually is the one that has kept it civil between my family and I for 15 yrs, I love them dearly but it seems, I am the only adult and the parent of them all

You just have to try to let it "eat" you up and sadden you. Maybe there are issues there "behind closed doors" so to speak. Just try to realize you may need to "lean" on another friend and that is perfectly okay, if she is unable to provide the help, when you need it. You love you sister, that shows and she loves you, she may just need a little help getting her plate in order.

**annymoll** · 07-01-2010, 11:07 PM

I am sorry your sister treated you in this fashion. I am so glad you had a friend to come and be with you- I always like to have someone come along with me too. And like you, sis usually is not there.I am so happy you are taking some time for yourself! You have a wonderful and restful time, hope you feel better soon!

**Paws** · 07-02-2010, 12:35 AM

I'm so sorry you're going through this...family dynamics, such as what happened with you and your sister, are mentally, emotionally and at time, physically draining...These type of relationships are what someone has already mentioned...toxic.

My family...

we're as dysfunctional as it gets...so I can relate to how you feel...((yeah Janet's song being inserted here works too))
((The family I'm referring to -exclude- my family unit at home and my in laws))

Toxic relationships are so full of negativity and just leave you feeling so drained and used feeling...I don't like how I feel after I've dealt with any of them...I don't even like myself after a good round of them...takes a while to get things settled back to normal...too much drama for me...
So what I finally decided, and it's worked so far for me...To try to eliminate as much negativity from my life...even if it includes family members...
I wish you the absolute best in this.

**IndigoMom** · 07-02-2010, 06:21 AM

Originally Posted by gapeach

I'm sorry this happened to you. Your sister and my sister sound a lot alike. As much as I love her I'm glad we don't live in the same state.

Seriously-that IS a goal for us. Even if not to leave the state, this city at least. It's not that I don't want them to be part of our lives, I just don't want them (my sibs) consuming it.

**IndigoMom** · 07-02-2010, 06:32 AM

Well, the update is - she is doing a quick sale on her house - it's been under foreclosure for about 2-3 years with no attempts to save it. Well, she and her ex applied for and got a modification once over a year ago and honoured it for almost 3 months before deciding they had better things to do with their money...
She'll be moving in with us I guess with my nephew - well, he is already here. He's always here, it's why we're here.
I don't imagine she will be here long. I am trying to convince her to apply for assistance. Get counseling, some job training, maybe her GED so she can actually get functioning at a level where she can have this life she's been expecting.
Dh and I have talked - we're still moving forward with our plans. Putting zippers with locks on our pockets.
We don't mind helping. Help to us is when we add a little to what you are doing for yourself. Anything less than that isn't help, it's us being used - and them days is over.