BREATH!!!!!! long little bit of a vent.

**Rhiamon** · 07-28-2010, 05:58 PM

So I got the apartment, but they will only hold it if I pay first months rent now. So I have to go get an intent to rent from the property manager, go to disability, apply for a start up. BUT it could take several weeks to get the start up. In the mean time they can rent the apartment to someone else. So my plan is to go get the intent to rent go to disability and if they can't give me the start up to hold the apartment in a timely fashion, I am going to go to the back take the cash off my credit card to hold the apartment and then when I get the community start up in the next few weeks to 30 days put it back on my credit card. It wouldn't be such a big deal but there are hardly any decent apartments in this area that are inclusive and affordable. Plus it is close to DD school. Moving into town and out of my husbands parents and away from my husband means that I can go back to school, or when my mental health workers feel it is approprate get a part time job, get to my appointments, get to my daughters appointments with her Dr, childrens mental health worker. Get her the approprate help she needs for her ADHD, and LD. I won't have to beg for a ride to town (right now we live 45mins away from the city) and I don't drive.
I wish that things could have worked out diffrent for my DH and I. But living here in the situation we are in, in the last few months have caused my mental health to start to deterat. There are lots of things that I have not been admitting to myself about things that are going on here. Such as I am never allowed to know how much money DH has or were it is going. He had promised when we got back together (we seperated for 4 months last year) that he would go to marriage counseling. That never happend, he doesn't want me to go to school. He has come up with ever excusse as to why we can't move and have to keep living with his parents. He complains about not making enough and so I job search for him and when I find him jobs that he says he will apply for he waits until the closing date and then says oh well.
Part of me wonders sometimes if because he has only known me "sick" that he may not be able to cope with me getting well. His parents have started to do things that make me feel like I am losing my mind. So I called a friend and asked and she said nope it is not me that is what it sounds like they are trying to do. I am not saying I am going to give up on the relationship just that before he asks me to move back in. That there is going to be alot to work out. He was againts me going to credit counselling but I went anyway. I think we need a good decent amount of time to both figure things out. We have been together since I was 15 and sometimes I feel, alot since I started to deal with the trauma and my mental health that I am growing up and he isn't.
I just feel like if I don't keep telling myself to breath right now I am going to forget. And I can't do anything about anything until tomorrow.

**jas** · 07-28-2010, 06:23 PM

Sounds like someone needs to grow up and it sounds like it is him. Get yourself well and stable. Then you can evaluate the situation with dh. You would think a loving husaband would want his wife well and healthy.

Best to you and your getting better.

**Russ** · 07-28-2010, 06:40 PM

The number one priority is your health, both mentally and physically. Without that health you can NOT take care of your daughter properly.

It is good that you have someplace to vent (FV) and if you don't feel like saying something in the forums, send someone a private message and ask if you can vent to them.

Don't be afraid to ask for help and best of luck to you.

**alotofgooddeals** · 07-28-2010, 07:29 PM

You are woman and hear you roar.... I always tell my daughter that she has woman power and she can do anything she wants to do and to never ever let anyone tell her she can't do anything. You are making great steps and you are moving in the right direction...
Take care of yourself......

Originally Posted by Rhiamon

So I got the apartment, but they will only hold it if I pay first months rent now. So I have to go get an intent to rent from the property manager, go to disability, apply for a start up. BUT it could take several weeks to get the start up. In the mean time they can rent the apartment to someone else. So my plan is to go get the intent to rent go to disability and if they can't give me the start up to hold the apartment in a timely fashion, I am going to go to the back take the cash off my credit card to hold the apartment and then when I get the community start up in the next few weeks to 30 days put it back on my credit card. It wouldn't be such a big deal but there are hardly any decent apartments in this area that are inclusive and affordable. Plus it is close to DD school. Moving into town and out of my husbands parents and away from my husband means that I can go back to school, or when my mental health workers feel it is approprate get a part time job, get to my appointments, get to my daughters appointments with her Dr, childrens mental health worker. Get her the approprate help she needs for her ADHD, and LD. I won't have to beg for a ride to town (right now we live 45mins away from the city) and I don't drive.
I wish that things could have worked out diffrent for my DH and I. But living here in the situation we are in, in the last few months have caused my mental health to start to deterat. There are lots of things that I have not been admitting to myself about things that are going on here. Such as I am never allowed to know how much money DH has or were it is going. He had promised when we got back together (we seperated for 4 months last year) that he would go to marriage counseling. That never happend, he doesn't want me to go to school. He has come up with ever excusse as to why we can't move and have to keep living with his parents. He complains about not making enough and so I job search for him and when I find him jobs that he says he will apply for he waits until the closing date and then says oh well.
Part of me wonders sometimes if because he has only known me "sick" that he may not be able to cope with me getting well. His parents have started to do things that make me feel like I am losing my mind. So I called a friend and asked and she said nope it is not me that is what it sounds like they are trying to do. I am not saying I am going to give up on the relationship just that before he asks me to move back in. That there is going to be alot to work out. He was againts me going to credit counselling but I went anyway. I think we need a good decent amount of time to both figure things out. We have been together since I was 15 and sometimes I feel, alot since I started to deal with the trauma and my mental health that I am growing up and he isn't.
I just feel like if I don't keep telling myself to breath right now I am going to forget. And I can't do anything about anything until tomorrow.

**Rhiamon** · 07-29-2010, 08:38 PM

I got my apartment!!!!!!!!!!! I had to use $500 off my credit card and borrow the rest but I was able to get first month’s rent. I can move out of here Sept. 1st!!!!!! I am so excited; it is a bit of a weight lifted off me. I am so nervous though because after talking to disability and my worker that have basically said I am in an emotionally and financial abusive situation. But I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel now. I was losing so much hope.
As well last month’s rent is being taken care of. I will be so broke for a while but I guess that is better than me losing my mind and ending up back in the hospital.
As for school I was accepted into the program. BUT they dropped all kinds of costs on my lap today that they didn't tell me about first. About another 300 on top of the 950. So I can't afford to go this year. But I sat down and did a budget and as long as I figured it out right I can put money away every month for it and hopeful is able to go next sept. I won't know how much for sure until I am living in the apartment and can figure out %100.
I am so full of so many different emotions. Relief, fear, just about everyone out there. DD is excited that she is going to get a closet. Heck so am I!
Thanks for all the support everyone I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you all for support.

**monkeywrangler71** · 07-29-2010, 09:18 PM

Glad to hear you are getting out of a bad situation, but sorry about your plans for school falling through.

You probably already know this, but make sure you notify CRA right away about the change in marital status, as they will adjust your child tax benefit immediately instead of waiting until next July. Also, and I think I might have said this before, your daughter's ADHD is a recognized disability, so make sure you have filed a T2201 for her as it adds up to $200 a month to your CCTB.

**alotofgooddeals** · 07-29-2010, 09:21 PM

Just remember it will get easier and i can tell by reading your post that you are getting stronger and stronger every day. Kudos to you....

Originally Posted by Rhiamon

I got my apartment!!!!!!!!!!! I had to use $500 off my credit card and borrow the rest but I was able to get first month’s rent. I can move out of here Sept. 1st!!!!!! I am so excited; it is a bit of a weight lifted off me. I am so nervous though because after talking to disability and my worker that have basically said I am in an emotionally and financial abusive situation. But I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel now. I was losing so much hope.
As well last month’s rent is being taken care of. I will be so broke for a while but I guess that is better than me losing my mind and ending up back in the hospital.
As for school I was accepted into the program. BUT they dropped all kinds of costs on my lap today that they didn't tell me about first. About another 300 on top of the 950. So I can't afford to go this year. But I sat down and did a budget and as long as I figured it out right I can put money away every month for it and hopeful is able to go next sept. I won't know how much for sure until I am living in the apartment and can figure out %100.
I am so full of so many different emotions. Relief, fear, just about everyone out there. DD is excited that she is going to get a closet. Heck so am I!
Thanks for all the support everyone I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you all for support.

**AnW819** · 07-29-2010, 11:12 PM

Hugs. Being mentally sick and going through moving and such is rough. I was there for a long time, and heck, I am still there but am coping with it much better than I was. I hope you are able to get yourself well. I know its much harder than said, but I will be praying for you.

I am so happy you got the apartment! That was a tough call to borrow from the CC or let the apartment go basically but I think in your situation you made the right call. It really sounded like you needed to get out of there.

If you ever want to talk about anything, mental health, or just issues going on please, please PM me!!!

Hugs!

**pinecone** · 07-29-2010, 11:41 PM

Congrats on the apartment and becomming your own person. Little bits, I can hear a glimmer of happiness in your post.

Originally Posted by Rhiamon

...As for school I was accepted into the program. BUT they dropped all kinds of costs on my lap today that they didn't tell me about first. About another 300 on top of the 950. So I can't afford to go this year..

As one that has sent 2 to college, the text books can add up quickly. See if you can go in their book store and check prices. You probably qualify for student aid? Remember, loans have to be paid back but if you can get a grant, that won't have to be paid back.

piney

**ncarr** · 07-30-2010, 04:16 AM

I'm really happy for you

Hang in there! Things will get better.

**mek42** · 07-30-2010, 09:51 AM

Health is more important than finances. You can always pay back a debt tomorrow; if you die today there is no tomorrow.

I hope things go as well as they possibly can for you and that no matter the adversities you face you wake up to each new day with your "make it happen" attitude as the strongest motivator in your life.

Your "make it happen" attitude doesn't have be huge, high and mighty, it just needs to be enough so you do what you need to do. Don't need to like or enjoy everything, some things you just need to do.

**xtena** · 07-30-2010, 12:16 PM

Be strong. Breaking out of an emotionally abusive relationship is so hard, especially when our children are involved. You have a long, rough road ahead BUT YOU CAN DO IT. Been there and doing that.

**Rhiamon** · 08-03-2010, 11:46 AM

Thanks for all the support everyone. Things have been bad since I secured the apartment. My inlaws have been horrible to me, and so have the other relatives. Worse then they normaly are, And my husband told me to get out. So in the process of looking for a homeless shelter, my sister called. And had talked to my mom who I have had a diffcult relationship with to say the least. Well my mom told me because I have a place to go in sept. That I can stay with her. So here I am. Trying to finish getting things sorted out with disability. And trying to figure out where it all went wrong. my husband kicked me out with $1.25 to my name. So I have to get a hold of disability and figure out when they are going to give me last months rent. because the last thing I need now is for it to all fall through. I try to keep a positive outlook. But right now it is really hard. I had a couple really rough days with flashbacks and nightmares and no sleeping. So I am exhausted.

**alotofgooddeals** · 08-03-2010, 02:40 PM

Call department of human services.... not sure what you call it there and explain to them the situation...hopefully you can get food stamps really quick... they may also help you with additional income fast.... i am so sorry that your husband kicked you out with 1.25 to your name and that right there tells me that you made the right choice on leaving...your dh's true colors are coming out.......and i am saddened to think that because you are trying to get yourself well that he is threatened by that...Please take care...and remember when things get really bad... things will start to look up very soon and you made the right choice for your daughter.....

**Kitten20** · 08-03-2010, 03:13 PM

First of all, BIG HUGS.

Sounds to me like your husband doesn't like the thought of you going out and accomplishing anything on your own. Perhaps he's scared that he will lose you if you don't rely on him for everything? No matter the reason, what a cruddy thing for him to do!!

Keep on keepin' on, honey. Do your best at moving ahead, on your own. Just focus on one of two things at a time, so you don't get too stressed. You can do this!