new here - not coping well

[Mika999]

Hi, I appreciate the opportunity to post. I am feeling crushed under the pressure of financial strain due to health issues which have left me unable to work for the past 8 months. I am desperately in need of some support, guidance and understanding right now. I feel very alone and overwhelmed. At this point, I don't see a way out - I feel like there's no hope of things getting any better, and that type of thinking scares me and is not at all "me". I've been very ill for the past 8 months with complications from lupus and gastroparesis. I've spent several weeks in the hospital and between the medical bills, my loss of income, etc we are completely broke. We've gone through all of our savings, cashed out our ROTH IRAs, cut out non-essentials and are trying to live on my husband's income alone (he's a teacher). Currently our monthly expenses exceed our income, so I can't pay all of our bills this month. We have a mortgage payment, a car payment, utilities, etc. I also maxed out 2 credit cards in desperation (hospital copays and son's braces down payment). Our current credit card debt is about $6000. I am in a constant state of panic and my health is definately being affected by the stress. I can't eat, can't sleep and am starting to feel like I'm going crazy. I need help and I don't know where to get it. I'm married, however my husband leaves the bill paying to me. We have one child (a teenager). I need to know that my situation is not hopeless. Can anybody tell me where to turn? I can't go on like this. I fear that the stress is wearing me down and I fear not being around to see my son grow up. Thank you to anyone who reads this and takes the time to respond. I truly appreciate it.

[frugalfoster]

Actually..your situation is far from hopeless... 6 thousand dollars of credit card debt is not as bad as many on this site... go get the book by Dave Ramsey..Total Money Makover....read it...then read it again...Sign up for Financial Peace if you are a member of a church and it is offered there.

Make a list of your bills
Get Greebo to help you see where you can cut costs

You will be fine...you just need to walk a different path..now is the time to do it... relax...there are others who are in the same boat as you...

[Paws]

Mika999, you are definitely not alone and not crazy.
Stop, take a step back, breathe deeply and slowly...slow down, you sound as if you're having panic/anxiety attacks to add to your medical issues...Your situation is not hopeless...never give up!
Follow frugalfoster's advice...
Many many smart people here...

Welcome and I hope you find answers and solutions to help...and enjoy yourself too!

[frugalwarrior2]

FF is right $6000. is just a little CC debt. Take a breath. And please do look into Dave Ramseys course. He will advise you to walls your situation. That means pay your utilities and mortgage,food and then CC last. If the CC are on hold they're on hold. Can DH get a temp. night job to catch you up.
And FYI we just paid the last $24,000 of $100,000 consumer debt accrued when DH fell off an overpass 6 years ago. Get those DR.s on the mini installment plan $10. if thats all you can do. Communicate w/ people you owe,make arrangements. The CC will hassle you,let em call. Don't stress yourself into an early grave. Step by step. Can that teenager lessen the load. Chores/rent??

[Nana2two]

Hugs to you. You will see the light soon. If your getting depressed maybe u need to see someone for help. Don't ashame we all need help spme times.

[Englishlady]

Along with the above good advice I would add that you should look at what you CAN control NOW.

Take a look at what you have food wise and start planning meals.
Look at ways you can stretch things to make them last longer.
make it a contest with yourself, how long can you make a tube of toothpaste last/how long can I make one bottle of shampooo last etc.
Are there things you can sell?

There is so much YOU have the control over right now, I think that you are just overwhelmed and need to sit down and look at
what you CAN do right NOW.

I am sure our resident budget experts will be along soon to give you some sound advice on the way to tackle the debt within a do-able budget.

Take a deep breath and realise there are lots of people on here who are in the same/worse shape and once on here they manage pretty well.

((((((hugs))))))

[wwe11]

Hi and Welcome!

[TheRootedNomad]

Welcome! You're definately in the right place. First off, let me say, been there done that. It is NOT hopeless!!!!! I think you'll find several people here who have been in financial messes with health issues being a major contributing factor. I would have loved to have known about the support I could've gotten here at the time. In our particular circumstance. DH was out for well over a year with a work injury (worker's comp SHOULD have paid but didn't at the time). I worked full time but at a HIGHLY stressfull, much lower (than a teacher's) paying job. We racked up more than $6000.00 but a lot less than we could have. We were also responsible for our two under 5 at the time, my 14 year old sister, and for several months my parents. We had to make lots of choices we didn't really like and I'm sure there were others we should have made and missed. The end result though is that we did get past it. You can too. Someone above said it's about choices and controlling what you can. I strongly agree. That's what helped get us through it mentally was controlling what we could and not sliding further into the hole than we had too. I am sure you will get all kinds of budgeting advice (even more so if you are comfortable enough to be open with the numbers). Start taking a look at the actual income and outgo numbers and then start by reevaluating your "necessities". It's amazing what we sometimes think are.

[rissimo]

Mika, I am almost to the same point you are. It seems that when I think that we are beginning to make some headway, something happens and we knocke back down. I was sitting down last night writing everything that is still owed this month and and looking at what we have and there is no way that it will all get paid. I am getting all my stuff togther and then I beleive I will take it to Greebo, and see if he can help. I hear that he is the MAN in finance.

I also believie in the power of prayer. I know that the LORD will take care of us and help provide for us. There is no doubt in my mind about this. I have finally turned everything over to HIM, which was the hardest thing to do, and let hime handle my life. If I didn' do that, all the worrying I was doing was going to be the death of me. I will be praying for you. Once you hit rock bottom, or so what you feel is rock bottom, the only other way it up.

[Missourimom]

We had $50,000 in business and personal debt and that's not counting our mortgage and we didn't have any car payments. That's a lot of debt! Everyone here is wonderful and will share lots of wonderful advice and tips.

[tervsforme]

Welcome! I will just repeat what everyone else has said, you are not alone and not hopeless. This is a fantastic place to be and you will get lots of great advise. If you post your income and expenses you will get lots of help. The credit cards can wait for now, you need to take care of the necessities first. Take a deep breath, a lot of here have been in the same situation.

[Greebo]

Oh good grief, there's plenty of people here just as good or better with money than me. I'm just the loudest and funniest.

Come on over to the Debt Reduction and Money Management sub-forum here and tell us some more specifics. Lets see how bad the situation really is.

[Momto5RN]

are you eligble for temp or permanent disability ?
i know its a real pain to try to get it so many get denied first time and give up or hear that and dont even try but you and your family have paid into it for years for a reason .

when i was not able to work outside the home due to my fibromyalgia i sold on ebay but that was a while back when it was easier to do .

[Jessi4805]

My husband has gastroparesis so I've been there.

I would look into your local county assistance office for help with the medical bills and possibly food stamps. I'd also suggest applying for social security disability.

If any of your medications are very costly, there are programs out there that can help you with the costs of them. I do not know any of them off the top of my head, but contacting the manufacturer of your medications would be a good point to start.

I would also talk to your doctor about your anxiety problems. With my husband, his tummy troubles were alot worse until he got his anxiety under control.

[shoiji]

Welcome to FV. You will find that many of us here have been in the same type of situation you are going through now.

One thing you may want to do is go to a non-profit reputable credit counseling agency to help with paying the bills. They can speak on your behalf to creditors to help reduce or help you figure out a payment plan for your bills.

Find out about disability. Don't be afraid of going to social services, food pantries, churches for help. Many people are hesitant but you have to remember you have already paid into many of these programs so you might as well use them when you need to.

Also find someone you can talk to. Right now it sounds as if everything is very overwhelming. Do you have a pastor you can talk to. See if you have a community wellness center. Many times therapists have a sliding scale or you health insurance may cover visits.

Try to explain to your husband that you need his input on how to handle the finances now that things are different. Let him know you need help in setting up a plan to pay the bills. Sometimes the more involved they are the easier it is to save.

Keep us posted on how things are going. Don't forget to take some time out of the day that is designated "me" time.