parenting?

**Mom2-3** · 08-27-2010, 12:22 AM

We don't have facebook in this house. I have witnessed problems (friends' teens) and it wasn't pretty. It's just not something we are comfortable with.

**frugalwarrior2** · 08-27-2010, 09:23 AM

My kids are both on Facebook and have been for sometime. It's like going to the "mall" When we were kids or meeting people at a party. I agree you should monitor by joining and friending. I also "stalk" as my kids say. I go into their friends accts. to see mutual friends. I am very strong about what they can and can't post. No hometowns,addresses,pictures that give easy info w/ clues to where they lives,go to school.
When there younger they can only friend people they know.
I also have an advantage their DH is a networker. He has the house networked and can check where they have been and specifics if they did. We have veiwed many conversations past posting.
Discuss never meeting w/ anyone they don't know. Discuss predators. This is an imp. modern day social network. BUT No talking after hours,no people they don't know, no suggestive,nasty talking or heaven forbid photos. Explain that everything on there never get deleted. Ever.

**mrsfoamy** · 08-27-2010, 10:18 AM

My daughter started out using the Neopets forum when she was very young. It made her a little more social network savvy I think, as she moved on to MySpace and Facebook, she already understood what kind of posts would invite flaming and baiting behaviors. Let your younger kids try out Neopets or ClubPenguin or Poptropica first, if they are expressing interest. Social networking is here to stay and these sites are great 'training wheels'. These sights are heavily moderated and if your child can navigate them with out getting banned or other consequense,
it shows they are ready for more un-moderated socializing as they get older.
This wasn't a problem for me, but maintain SUPERCONTROL of webcams at your house. There are some video social networking sights I've seen some very disturbing stuff on from very young children, like stickam (I thinks it's called) and chat roullette.

**rissimo** · 08-27-2010, 10:22 AM

DD has a FB account, she has added me as a friend. I am the only one who knows her password so if she wants to get on I log her in and check things before she gets on there and then she is monitored while she is on there.

Rules on her being on there are pretty much the sams as Syn D's.

**Momto5RN** · 08-27-2010, 04:07 PM

if they do not have it set so that its private or friends only can post anyone can post and there are nasty people who will spam open FB with porn links etc .

you can tell them they need to remove things that are innapropriate and eventually their friends will see its being removed and learn to behave properly .

they can remove anything someone else posts to their page .

i would be upset with them going behind your back though and have a major talk about that !

**WV_mom_of2** · 08-28-2010, 08:12 AM

My kids are 18 and 14 and they both have Myspace and Facebook. One rule of computer use in our house is that anything set up like that, including email, is approved by mom. I have all their passwords and I check things often. I am friends with both of them on Facebook and I also log into their accounts and read their pages. I set their privacy settings and check them often too.

Rules for use are...

1. Only friend people you know and are friends with. Facebook is NOT a popularity contest! If you wouldn't want to be real friends with them then don't friend them on Facebook!

2. No friending adults unless they are approved by mom!

3. I have all passwords and I will use them. If you don't like that then you don't get the Facebook, Myspace, email account. PERIOD!

4. I can and WILL check your pages often. If you don't like it, the account is GONE! PERIOD!

5. Remember that everyone you are friends with reads the page. If someone posts something nasty it is a reflection on YOU even though you didn't post it. Remove it or I will!

I don't allow my kids to friend most adults or teachers. Alot of the teachers here are young and seem to have no filter when it comes to what they discuss with students at school so I can only imagine what their Facebook pages look like.

I guess I am strange in a way. I just don't see the attraction of friending people just to have alot on your page. I only use mine for people I really want to connect with. I think I have 25 maybe. So I insist that my kids do the same.

I think Facebook can be a good tool for kids. My dd graduated in May and her friends from high school are now scattered all over going to college. Facebook is a great way for her to keep in touch with them. My son used it to keep in touch with his friends this summer. You just need to have rules and punishments for breaking them. You need to have a very frank discussion with your kids about what you expect from them and check up on them often. Use it as a learning tool. I told my kids that when someone posts a nasty comment and everyone sees it they think badly of YOU because you are allowing it to stay on your page. It's up to YOU to keep your page clean and nice for everyone. What is posted there can ruin your reputation for life!

*edited to add* When you friend them on Facebook make sure to post a comment to something they post every now and then. That lets their friends know that you are on the page and that you are reading it! I think that helps keep the nasty comments away! I will post something short and simple like if my dd posts that she did well on an exam I will say "way to go" or something like that. But the friends know that I am there and watching!

**jas** · 08-28-2010, 09:47 AM

My dd 17 has one and I am a friend on her page, I have her password and do go on quite often.

Eveytime I have seen something I don't like I tell her about it. Sometimes she does not see it the same way as I do. Oh, well she is clueless sometimes as to what people could come away thinking about a certain photo or caption.

**happymommy** · 08-28-2010, 02:21 PM

Thank you all for taking the time to post. This thread has been very helpful and imformative.

j-marrie

**Nana2two** · 08-29-2010, 11:55 AM

My daughter has a fb account she is 15, I also have her password and can log into it anytime. I will delete message from friends. Plus she knows if i don't approve i will delete them.That simple.

**AmyBoz** · 08-29-2010, 12:33 PM

I think you've gotten great advice here. Banning doesn't teach. Having your own page, friending, setting up the rules, etc. that is how to teach responsibility. I actually teach Facebook to my classes at school and explain all the privacy issues, etc. We talk about how even when you delete something online, it is still there, etc. If you don't teach them to be responsible, simply ban them, they'll eventually get to it on their own and won't know how to be responsible.