parenting?

**happymommy** · 08-26-2010, 06:02 PM

Hello all!

I don't know what to do and thought this is the best place to ask.

My two younger dd's opened a facebook page. I was totally against it, so I was very hurt they went behind my back.

What is worse is what I found on my 17 year olds page and is exactly why I didn't want one to start off with.

I didn't close their accounts, I've been just looking and am shocked at what I see.

My 15 year old's news feed seems a bit better but my older one's is just terrible.

Now I just found something called formspring sp? and that is sick too even worse than facebook imho.

So now I could give them permission to use FB, and help them use it correctly, safe etc.

But I have no control of what others put on there. Posting and Newsfeed!!!!

Anyone one else in the world besides me upset about this thing called Facebook. I feel all alone.

Has anyone checked their teenage FB page?

I was going nuts with texting now this. Of course if they don't use it in our home they have access through their friends phones! and computers. So I understand I have to deal with it. But I need help.

Thanks for listening to me vent. I am listening with a grateful heart.

j-marrie

**nodmicks** · 08-26-2010, 06:13 PM

My 14 and 17 year old have FB. They both have to have me as a friend so I can see it all. I have had to get after my 17 year old for a bit of drama on his page etc.
I have told my kids over and over not to put anything on the internet they wouldn't want their parents, grandparents, teacher or pastor to see because nothing is really private and it can bite you in the butt later, cost you a job etc.

Parenting teens is hard work. There is so much to worry about. I really don't know what we as parents can do besides talk about it and monitor what is happening. Hang in there!

**Tnmom** · 08-26-2010, 06:33 PM

Both of my children have a page. They are friends with me, I know their passwords and can and will log in under their account.
I have raised my children age 13 and 18 to be respectful and responsible I cant control every aspect in their lives, so I have to trust them and the job I have done as mom..
Get yourself a page, become a friend and let them know that you are watching...and BELIEVE in the job that you have done with your girls. You cant always trust others to do what is right, so trust your girls

**Neeley** · 08-26-2010, 07:03 PM

My 17 and 15 year olds have FB accounts. DH and I are both friends on their accounts, we have all of their log in info for FB, Myspace and every other website they are registered with. I have not had any real problems with what they post or what their friends post. But, they both know the rules and are aware of the consequences of breaking the rules.

We did not make FB or MySpace a forbidden fruit to them. We allowed them to have the accounts and explore the world of online networking. It is here to stay and as they grow into adults it is going to continue to be a growing part of their everyday school, work and personal lives. We have made sure they aware of how to safely navigate FB as well as all areas of the internet.

Both of my kids' have classes that have a FB page. The instructors have asked they "like" the pages so they can get assignments, activity schedules, reading lists, etc...

**lisaflex** · 08-26-2010, 07:04 PM

formspring??? what is it????

**MaryCarney** · 08-26-2010, 07:05 PM

Same thing here - get yourself a FB page, require that your kids friend you, and require that you have their passwords. If not, take away internet access.
I also 'friend' all of my kids friends who will accept me (most of them do - we are homeschoolers and so I know most of the kids to begin with)

**2ndGenGranola** · 08-26-2010, 07:34 PM

I'm friends with many of my friends kids. When mine get old enough for an account, they will be required to have their password info in our password book in addition to friending us (and the friends from church).

**Momto5RN** · 08-26-2010, 08:43 PM

i have a facebook my kids are my friends even my adult kids ( 19 and 22 )

with my 19 yo sometimes its the best link to know whats she is doing that day if i leave before she gets up and when i get back shes gone - i peek and sure enough it says work gym - friends house etc .

i dont have control that much over what others post on my 19 yos but if they curse are gross etc she usually removes it herself .'

my 16 yo really doesnt use his much

my 13 yo is on alot she is into joining groups by hitting " like" because friends did she often dosent 100% understand what the group is saying esp if its a double meaning type of thing .
i have made her remove herself from many liked groups she doesnt even remember liking because i felt they were innapropriately themed- had curse words in them etc

so that is part of the rules of the youger teens having one .

also once you are their friend make sure their settings are made to private that only accepted friends can see info and pix .

i am also friends with many of my younger adult and teen neices and nephews and sometimes i am a bit shocked by what they say or get posted - but i figure thats up to their parents to monitor unless i feel its life threatening issue i dont butt my nose into things.

i dont ask to be their friends - they ask me so i say OK i dont want to be seen as the nosey aunt - so dont ask the teens etc .

**happymommy** · 08-26-2010, 09:25 PM

Formspring

I believe you sign up and anyone can ask you a question.
There were disgusting questions being asked.
On my dd's fb....... I saw come ask me questions and clicked on the link and was shocked at this site. Oh well, what next?

These are examples of what I copied on newsfeed.

F***ing pissed....shower then chillen pce

Rain Rain Get The F*** Out

Nobody asks me questions on Formspring! I want to fight!

"i'm f***ing cute..and hungry"
"so eat your cute self"
BAHAHAHAHAH.

scott su*ks wat the f*** is there to do around here

new jersery is f***in sweeeeeeeeeeeet

Few examples I copied.

This is just what I saw recently. I tried to clean up the spelling.
Don't mean to offend anyone. This is the type of stuff that makes me ill.
I don't want my children reading this.

I appreciate your thoughts. I'm happy for the kids who don't have to look at this junk above.

Maybe I can get rid of some of her friends and that might help.

Thanks again.

**happymommy** · 08-26-2010, 09:31 PM

Do you have a limit on how many friends they can have?

The more I am poking around it is the Newsfeed feature that is causing most of my grief.

My d has 180 friends.

Which I think is nuts. Yet her friends have an average of 400-800 I even saw one with 1400 friends!

**IntlMom** · 08-26-2010, 09:32 PM

parenting......... yea, I'm hating it right now too..... **sigh**

**Syn D** · 08-26-2010, 09:33 PM

All my kids have facebook, as well as hubby and myself.. Hubby and I are on their friends list.

In my home, when they (16 and 17 at the time) signed up for facebook, I had some rules.

1- I know your password.
2- I will set up your privacy controls and they wont change.
3- Only add people you know.
4- Watch what you put on your status.
5- If I see something I don't like I will mention it.
6- If it gets out of hand, you lose the internet..

We haven't had any problems..

**happymommy** · 08-26-2010, 09:38 PM

I love you rules. Thanks for sharing, very helpful.

**Neeley** · 08-26-2010, 09:40 PM

Originally Posted by happymommy

Do you have a limit on how many friends they can have?

The more I am poking around it is the Newsfeed feature that is causing most of my grief.

My d has 180 friends.

Which I think is nuts. Yet her friends have an average of 400-800 I even saw one with 1400 friends!

Personally, we do not limit their friends. DD, for example, goes to a HS with over 2200 students. She is Student Government President, she is in a civic group that does volunteer work, is also a volunteer for the history museum, has a job for a minor league baseball team, church friends, coaches youth volleyball, plays league volleyball,and basketball, attended the state youth leadership forum and Girl's State (where she met over 250 girls alone). She genuinely knows a LOT of people. Plus, many of kids at her school feel like they really know her since she leads all assemblies, is in charge of all class and school meetings, speaks at every gathering, etc...I don't have any reason to limit her (or DS's) number of friends. She does know hundreds of people by name and speaks to many of them regularly.

**Syn D** · 08-26-2010, 09:46 PM

Originally Posted by Neeley

Personally, we do not limit their friends. DD, for example, goes to a HS with over 2200 students. She is Student Government President, she is in a civic group that does volunteer work, is also a volunteer for the history museum, has a job for a minor league baseball team, church friends, coaches youth volleyball, plays league volleyball,and basketball, attended the state youth leadership forum and Girl's State (where she met over 250 girls alone). She genuinely knows a LOT of people. Plus, many of kids at her school feel like they really know her since she leads all assemblies, is in charge of all class and school meetings, speaks at every gathering, etc...I don't have any reason to limit her (or DS's) number of friends. She does know hundreds of people by name and speaks to many of them regularly.

My daughter has 511 friends.. They are friends and teachers from this school, old schools, church, local community people we know and family.. I know most all them at least by hearing their names over the years, if not knowing them in person..

She even has someone she knows that is on the house of reps for our district..