Recovering from a fiasco...

**miss_cas** · 08-30-2010, 08:01 PM

I'm 36 year old single female homeowner. The house is 60 years old with 3 bed/1 bath + carport. I own an 8 year old saturn. My only other assets are a $2k emergency fund. I am now considered schizophrenic and receiving SSDI.

I had very few symptoms of psychosis before age 30. I was friends with a woman who was an abuse victim who was still actively involved with her abuser. The whole situation caused me a nervous breakdown. (It appears the friend had malicious intent concerning some of her friends from the very beginning, she even bragged about it.) I fear for my safety as the abuser is still running around free and very much a violent and disturbed person. I became depressed over the friend introducing me to her abuser soon after we met and all the other lies she told me over the years. I started experiencing auditory hallucinations on my 30th birthday celebration while in this friend's company. I was hearing the voice of her abuser sometimes.

My home has been burglarized and the contents tampered with. The abuser started making appearances in my city at places I frequent in order to intimidate me. He never says anything, just stares. The man lives in another state but comes to this city to visit his girlfriends.

I did the right thing and turned the family into the authorities on several levels of govt as the abuser has at least one child. The family will not cooperate with authorities. The (former) friend is even a teacher.

I have experienced auditory hallucinations and a few other painful/upsetting symptoms non-stop, every waking moment for the last 6 years. The medications have done nothing but blow up my little body to 315 lbs. I gave up on the medications.

I had my act together (employed full-time in a career, $37k in savings, homeowner, no debt besides mortgage, college educated) but lost almost everything due to the schizophrenia. My govt employer got rid of me. I have pursued 3 educational attempts with negative outcomes due to the constant presence of the voices. I have tried 16 different jobs. (My biggest problem was trying to work a job standing at 315 lbs. I just couldn't handle it.)

I lost 90 lbs last year, but regained 40 lbs this year as the content of the auditory hallucinations turned sinister when I told the friend's family that they are enablers and ruined my life. I am now hearing very threatening and disturbing things from the voices. I 'cope' with food, as I have done since childhood. It is wrecking my finances and my health.

I have food in the fridge rotting because I have cravings to eat out at restaurants. The money has been very limited for the last 7 years. I'm eating myself into the poor house.

I am finding all the social workers who I am relegating to for 'therapy' to be useless. I have a little training in this field and find I come find many more answers on my own. My eating habits are not a 'diet' issue but rather a coping mechanism for feeling helpless, unhappy and hopeless -- so, it is a psychological issue.

I have no support or kindness from my family. My friends' time and attention is limited. So many people left town due to the unemployment situation here, there are just a few left. My father, who helped out with some home repairs over my decade as a homeowner, is now on permanent strike. I must learn to do my own repairs and hire out what I cannot handle.

Does anyone have any words of encouragement?

**Contrary Housewife** · 08-30-2010, 08:08 PM

Hang in there. I'm sure you feel like you're on the edge, but it sounds to me like you've done a good job of dealing with incredibly horrible issues over the years.

I have a 12 year old Saturn. They are good cars, just stay on top of the upkeep (oil changes, etc) as much as possible and it will last.

**Josephhgoins** · 08-31-2010, 07:24 AM

“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish he didn’t trust me so much.”
~Mother Teresa

**nodmicks** · 08-31-2010, 09:14 AM

I agree with Contraryhousewife. It sounds like you have handled everything pretty well. I do hope you are 100% cut off from the friend and those involved with her.

I do not know anything but 1 tiny bit about your illness but I send you prayers. One of my good friend suffers from quite severe bipolar. One of the best things that ever happened to her was going so far off to one end that she ended up hospitalized for about 8 weeks. It sounds bad to be hospitalized that long but they got her meds finally correct and regulated properly.

**Greebo** · 08-31-2010, 09:17 AM

What would you tell someone who was in your shoes?

**shoiji** · 08-31-2010, 09:47 AM

Try to hang in there with the social worker(s). See if they have group meetings with other clients that you could attend. May help you to know and meet people with similar situations.

I would stay away from any people such as the family that is causing you stress. It really is not helping you at all.

Try and take one day at a time.

**sjohnson3278** · 08-31-2010, 09:54 AM

It might be time to go back on the medication. I know that is not what you want to do but maybe just for a bit to get the hallucinations under control. My brother was a schziophrenic and suffered for years with hallucinations...seeing things that weren't there, hearing people talk to him. It is the worst disease ever and I know the suffering that you are enduring as I watched my brother go through it for some time. I really, really hope that things can calm down for you somewhat and the hallucinations let up. Stress can make them worse...so try to relax and stay calm. If you ever need anyone to talk to, please feel free to PM me anytime.

**dancemommy** · 08-31-2010, 10:09 AM

I have a brother who has schizoaffective disorder with auditory hallucinations so I do know your pain. Have you considered going on disability? It is a long process to get it and you usually have to be rejected several times before you get it, but at some point you may want to consider it. You could get help with medical treatment then and a small income. You can even still work, but the number or hours will be limited. My brother works for a family business- if it weren't for that I don't know that he would be able to get a job even though he is super intelligent. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Be persistent. Treat anything medical that you can. Ask about Metformin- it may help with your weight and is now used often in conjuction with those meds that cause weight gain and can help prevent diabetes. Look for some support groups- NAMI has chapters all over the country- google search for a chapter in your area. Maybe someone there can help you? Take care.

**miss_cas** · 08-31-2010, 07:13 PM

Thank you all. I have been on SSDI for 6 years. I barely get enough to cover the basic bills, add to this an old house, old car, aging me and old pets, and it can be a struggle. My mother was supportive in the beginning and helped out but lost most of her hope in me over time. My father is totally unsupportive most of the time.

I am unable to qualify for any extra help except I can now get a medical card because I am working. This is a state program. I do pay for my medical card though but the cost is the same as medicare.

**Momto5RN** · 08-31-2010, 08:08 PM

do you need to live in that house- can you sell it and move into an appt.

i know in NJ many apartments are pro-rated for seniors and disabled people and you pay just 1/3 of your income as they are federally funded .

they are also usually very secure - i know i have to be buzzed in by my patients to just the lobby area and then of course their individual apartments have their own locks.

leaky faucets etc - you have a maintainace man to fix it and all the people that live there tend to watch out for each other also .
they have people that are older and not very well and 60ish people who are out and about on casino trips shopping etc .

In PA my grandmother was in a similar apartment setting for years as was my aunt - who was accepted even though she wasnt a senior due to her schizophrenia.