I just shake my head.

**mommy4ever** · 09-07-2010, 09:31 PM

I am through. I've had enough. I can't take it anymore.

I have a friend, she's a sweet gal, but man... CLUELESS.

I have been coaching her with her debt. She WAS making progress. Now she went and blew it! She KNEW in April that her hubby was laid off for the summer. What did they do? they got a line of credit, rather than save(He bring is $1500/week), ok, fine. Don't save. BUT, not only did they not save, they spent the WHOLE $15000 in 2 months. On what??? They have nothing to show for it. NOTHING. She said initially it was for renovations, they were going to do how we did it. Ok, we paid from our savings, NOT from credit. She knew that. If we didn't have the cash, we waiting a couple pays. Their renovations aren't done, there are no supplies for renovations either.

Now it's time to go back to work, mortgage isn't paid, he doesn't have his work clothes, he has no money to feed himself while out of town, nor his 4 kids while in town. So she was bragging, they went to the bank, and got an exodus, meaning a 2 week credit limit increase. So they are getting 2K that must be paid back in 2 weeks. They blew it on a new computer, since poor him will have nothing to do while he was away at work. Now he'll be able to skype her. And school clothes for the kids. Rather than use the BARE minimum and not have to pay back a full 2K from his next check.

I am through with them. I can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. I can't take the whining that we are so broke. They earn more on his 1 income in 2 weeks than we do on 2 incomes in 4 weeks. She brags about it. Then cries to me when there is no money.

It's a matter of time before the house is lost, and they are homeless. At least she knows better than to ask to borrow money from us.

**hotprincesscm** · 09-07-2010, 09:36 PM

Wow that is sad. Sounds like you did all you could. Some people just want things NOW and do not think about tomorrow..thinking there will always be a way to get money...sounds like they are running out of options very fast!

**mndtrp** · 09-07-2010, 10:19 PM

Everyone has issues in life. I hope people don't give up on me, if my issues become detrimental to the stability of my family.

**mommy4ever** · 09-07-2010, 10:51 PM

You can't help those that don't want help. I have sat with her and found money in her budget. BUT, she won't stick with it. They NEEDED a plasma tv. They NEED new vehicles. She will not use store brand. Everything is the best of the best. I have spent hours helping her sort out bills when she's short, to make sure the essentials are met. They have a huge cell bill because he needs unlimited text. But we have unlimited text on our phones for $25 x 2. Their bill is $250. They just aren't willing to downgrade in order to get ahead.

Now they are in the pit again. They will be again in December, 6 week layoff, he won't work during that time. If they make any headway with their debt, they will be right back where they were or worse because the NEED to buy buy buy. Plus mortgage and household bills.

I have nothing left to say to her. She asks for help, and cries, but won't do anything to help herself.

I'm not her best friend, she knows tons of people. I know only a few. And the stress of the friendship isn't worth it. She doesn't offer anything. It's a call to complain or whine. Not to say hey, how are you? Not can we get together for tea. It's a draining relationship.

I'm not sure what to do about it. I don't understand where they are coming from. But there's nothing more I can offer.

**Mom2-3** · 09-07-2010, 11:35 PM

I know someone like this. They just recently declared bankruptcy! I'm sure I don't know the whole situation. When she cries to me about money, I just say "yeah, that sucks" and try to change the subject. Needless to say, this is someone I don't find myself calling just to chat.

**prudent lass** · 09-07-2010, 11:49 PM

Eesh. That is one hot financial mess all right. I think you've done everything you can for her at this point, mommy4ever. She *knows* what to do, it's now a matter of her deciding to implement a plan and stick with it. If I were you I'd make some sympathetic noises when she calls, but refuse to get sucked into the details. Instead refer her back to Dave Ramsey (or whomever you're following) and then change the subject.

Out of curiousity, do you get the feeling that the husband is derailing their finances or is she a willing partner in crime?

**mommy4ever** · 09-08-2010, 09:05 AM

It's mostly her. He gets an allowance for spending. But it plants the seeds. The tv was him. The laptop is him. Can't just get a netbook for $300, it had to be a $1900 machine.

He had tried to get the line of credit to clear off their credit cards and close them. But she claimed it as HERS. She went on and on about how she deserved it.

Her grocery bill is about $700 more than mine. I feed 2 teens, 1 preteen, a kid, a man with a freaky fast metabolism, 3 toddlers and myself and all the teens that come over for less than 1/2 of what she spends. Her house has 4 kids as well, but all under 10.

She refuses to menu plan. The $900-1000 she spends is her 'planned' grocery trips, it doesn't count the daily stops, the take out, etc.

I'm just tired of it. Perhaps it'll be the subject change with her, but I don't see me calling any time soon. She's been calling but I haven't called in weeks.

**frugal is fun** · 09-08-2010, 09:22 AM

I could only imagine how frustrating it is to put so much time and effort in to helping someone and they just refuse to change.

I would be honest with her. (I know, easier said than done), but just tell her that you have tried to help her but she refuses to change her ways and her problems are just causing you too much stress.

Good luck with this one!

**frugal is fun** · 09-08-2010, 09:27 AM

Originally Posted by mndtrp

Everyone has issues in life. I hope people don't give up on me, if my issues become detrimental to the stability of my family.

I don't think this is a fair assessment at all. If you read the posts she has gone above and beyond for this family.

**Greebo** · 09-08-2010, 09:34 AM

Originally Posted by mndtrp

Everyone has issues in life. I hope people don't give up on me, if my issues become detrimental to the stability of my family.

If you lean on people for guidance and advice and support and then do nothing that they suggest but instead do the exact opposite, then you deserve to be given up on.

**shoiji** · 09-08-2010, 05:13 PM

It is really odd how people do not want to face reality.

I am always amazed and disgusted when a person I know complains about how poor she is, but she is to lazy to use coupons. Is more than willing to tell people how lazy she is but still wants people to feel sorry for her. I suppose it even irriates me more since I receive even less than she does and am able to make ends meet.

All she wants is a pity party.

**sjohnson3278** · 09-08-2010, 05:40 PM

Man oh man does this sound like my MIL. She lives on overdrafts at the bank. Her SS check comes in on the 3rd and it is spent within hours and then just bounces checks the rest of the month. Then she has the audacity to call me and my husband and ask if we can pay for her medicine. Ughhhhh....frustrating. I know how you feel and hope that you can just back away slowly from that friendship. Sometimes, the frustration isn't worth it.

**mndtrp** · 09-08-2010, 07:21 PM

Originally Posted by frugal is fun

I don't think this is a fair assessment at all. If you read the posts she has gone above and beyond for this family.

I did read her posts, and I don't care what she does. I stated what I hoped to happen in my life.

Originally Posted by Greebo

If you lean on people for guidance and advice and support and then do nothing that they suggest but instead do the exact opposite, then you deserve to be given up on.

I guess I don't feel the same way. If it wasn't causing problems with my family, then I would (and have) continue to provide the guidance. Maybe something will eventually click. Who knows how bad this woman would be if there wasn't the positive influence?

**Greebo** · 09-09-2010, 08:27 AM

Originally Posted by mndtrp

I guess I don't feel the same way. If it wasn't causing problems with my family, then I would (and have) continue to provide the guidance. Maybe something will eventually click. Who knows how bad this woman would be if there wasn't the positive influence?

The positive influence isn't doing any good. The woman is on a course to financial disaster and the OP spending her valuable time trying to change her friend's course is a waste of effort that could better go to someone who'll use it.

You cannot make people change. Those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still.

**Greebo** · 09-09-2010, 08:29 AM

Oh - by the way mndtrp - you're absolutely free to disregard my input on this. I'm not going to waste time trying to convince you further. If you haven't learned this lesson about people yet, I'm content to let you find out on your own.