I'm confused about....life?!?

**mom23boyz** · 09-13-2010, 02:31 PM

Ok so as you all know I signed up for and started beauty school in June. Well its been....ok I guess. Not what I really anticipated....had a lot of "issues" along the way with the school and stuff. Now the kids have started school and so all the school "activities" have started...open house, back to school nights etc. The biggest thing of all.....FOOTBALL! Heres my biggest issue.....when I started school I really thought I could make the "sacrifice" and miss my oldest sons games this year. Well I was WRONG!!! Not only is he playing Jr varsity(hes a sophomore) but hes been rostered to play Varsity as well!!! Now I am finding myself wanting to quit school because the mere thought of missing my sons play ball gives me anxiety attacks(all 3 play) I thought I could do this for 1 yr.....
The main reason I went back to school is because I have not been able to find a job over the last yr. Now a week ago I got this perfect job....watching a little boy 2 hrs a day and taking him to school. So now I feel like.....I have the $$ coming in and I wanna be with my sons.
I feel sooooo lost and confused!

**Greebo** · 09-13-2010, 02:37 PM

Why don't you ask your son, "boy, do you want mommy to give up the potential for a better future, the ability to pay for your education, for better clothes, food, and housing and to be able to give you the good things in life so that mommy can attend all of your games?"

Cause that's what you're considering doing. You're thinking about SELLING THE FUTURE to satisfy TODAY'S IMPULSE.

Sorry if that comes across as harsh, but you need a bucket of cold water in your face on this one.

**Greebo** · 09-13-2010, 02:38 PM

BTW you know that little boys grow up and go to school, so your "perfect job" has an expiration date, right?

**Russ** · 09-13-2010, 02:44 PM

I was thinking along the lines of what if it was your son who signed up for a class and then something else came along?.. like, all his buddies are going....

Would you allow him to drop the class to be with his buddies? Or would you tell him.. "You made the commitment, you have to stick with it."

**mom23boyz** · 09-13-2010, 02:45 PM

Originally Posted by Greebo

Why don't you ask your son, "boy, do you want mommy to give up the potential for a better future, the ability to pay for your education, for better clothes, food, and housing and to be able to give you the good things in life so that mommy can attend all of your games?"

Well this WAS discussed with the kids before I started school....they were all ok with me not being there this year. I however have come to realize I am NOT ok with not being there. Thats where the issue falls. I completely understand what you are saying and ....I do agree. I just don't know how to get past this one.....

**druthb00** · 09-13-2010, 02:54 PM

Another thing to think about is the fact that you've got this perfect job right now. It's the *perfect* opportunity to be able to work AND go to school at the same time, so that when, as Greebo said, the little boy grows up, you'll be able to find a job using your degree/certification/whatever it is. What happens if you don't go to beauty school now, and end up needing to find a not-so-perfect job that doesn't fit into your class schedule? Will you just never go back? I really think you'll regret it later if you don't stick with it now. ((hugs))

**Momto5RN** · 09-13-2010, 02:55 PM

okay ...society has this new thing where if you are not at everyone of your childs sporting events you are a bad mom .
its crazy and i think parents have to stop judging other parents .

i work 2 weekends a month ( along with week days ) i miss stuff - my child is not going to end up on Dr Phils show because of that .

what is the anxiety about-
what others might think ??
that he may get hurt and you want be there ?
and really what can you do other than sit and stare and cry which will probably be even more upsetting for a hurt kid because they probably wont let you on the field)

will the world end if you miss a touchdown .

just my opinion its more important they have a stable and financial home life - that means alot more

one year missed to provide years of stability makes alot more sense to me . plus you will be free er when he is a senior which is a big year .

my oldest son pole vaulted- because of his youngest siblings activities - the youngest being an baby / toddler i can honestly say i never saw him PV once in real life or on film .'

He honestly didnt think it was that big a deal i offered to make arrangements to try to get there esp in his senior year and he didnt care either way and i was the one who wanted to at leasy once he was sick the one i had planned to go to - didnt make me any less his mom any less proud he won a state competition -

alot is what YOU teach your child is important - our kids know we support them and do our best to be places but we just cannot always be and that is just reality .

my dd's both cheer in jr high and HS level - i go to their competitions i dont go watch them cheer at the games
# 1 for football i would be in so much pain from my fibro due to weather # 2 my fibro doesnt fare well at night for the BB games

i know some gossipy parents thought i didnt care about my kid but they didnt know my health issues and my kids werent upset they understood and they have learned empathy for others situations thru it all . ( which i dont see alot anymore in kids as much as we shoudl see it )

**Greebo** · 09-13-2010, 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by mom23boyz

Well this WAS discussed with the kids before I started school....they were all ok with me not being there this year. I however have come to realize I am NOT ok with not being there. Thats where the issue falls. I completely understand what you are saying and ....I do agree. I just don't know how to get past this one.....

Ok - easy.

Do you want to set the example of being a grown up and sacrificing a little bit now to have a lot more later, or do you want to set the example of being a princess, giving up long term opportunities for the sake of short term pleasure?

You children will judge you by what YOU do, not by what YOU say.

I get that you WANT to see his games - of COURSE you do - but the issue is already decided, you already said they said OK, so get Hubby to video tape the games, suck it up, pull up your big girl pants AND GET TO CLASS!!!

Your children's future sense of responsibility depends upon it!

**Momto5RN** · 09-13-2010, 02:58 PM

you take a deep breath and say i have to do this - that is how you get past it - when i first went back to work after 7 years being a sahm -leaving dh in charge - at a job i couldnt leave if there was an emergency because i basically ran the place i felt panicky and anxious but when you do it anyway you get past those feelings .

i think you need to get past it to set a proper example for your kids

what if they go off to college realize they miss friends and family and want to just come home because they cant do it .
they should finish out the semester / year first because its paid for and planned for -

**savvy_sniper** · 09-13-2010, 04:24 PM

What Greebo said. Kids learn by watching and listening to their parents (and others). You made a commitment to school with your kids approval. Get someone to videotape the games, discuss the games with your kids) etc. We can NOT be all things to all people at all times!

Good Luck!

**kaurand554** · 09-13-2010, 06:24 PM

I am really surprised; no one has asked yet....

How did you pay for the schooling? Grant? Out of Pocket? Student Loan?

If you got a grant... and don't finish, I believe you will have to pay it back......... Out of pocket; you still lose the money.......... and if student loan you will have to keep paying for something you can't use...

My son played football and that is quite an accomplishment to get to play varsity sophomore year; but he does have 2 more years to play.

Do you go to school every practice and game? Have you talked to your instructor to see if you could go watch one or two? and make up the time?

Is the issue juggling rides and etc, for all of them them?

When there is a will there is a way?

But I get the feeling it has more to do with you not being sure that you made the right career choice?

Good Luck!

**shoiji** · 09-13-2010, 06:46 PM

It sounds as if you are looking for an excuse to quit school. Now I remember you wanted to go to school and were anxious to figure out how you could go to school.

So, I would suggest that you try to remember why you decided to go back to school. Really remember what state of mind you were in. What were your circumstances that prompted you to go back to school. Are you really not interested in the going to beauty school or have you found it more of a challenge then you thought it would be. If it is more challenging than you thought it would be but you still want to be a beautician than you should keep going to school. It is for one year right?

To me it sounds as if you are overwhelmed between school, home, taking care of the kids, and wanting to be a supportive mom. Once you get your license to practice don't you think you will be increasing your income even more than what you are making now. Also, do you plan on helping your children with a college educaton?

So if you can't be at the games what can you do? Can you make a batch of cookies and send it with your son to take to the game? How about hosting a backyard get together with the team or teams? Do you know anyone who can video tape a game?

It sounds as if you are really having anxiety between working, going to school and being there for your children. Most working parents go through this all the time.

**forHISglory** · 09-13-2010, 07:47 PM

My dad worked nights and Mom was a stay at home mom, with farming responsibilities and other kids to watch at home. Plus, she had no vehicle. I was in band and vocal, and had lots of night activities. My folks just couldn't be there, period. But when I got home, Mom would break out some snacks and we would sit and talk about what happened, and how it went. She wanted to hear it all, and I enjoyed reliving the moments and sharing them with her. I grew up happy and successful, despite the fact that Mom and Dad could not observe my activities.

I couldn't go to all of my son's games, either, but he grew up OK.

I agree: dont sacrifice the future for the now.

**Mom2-3** · 09-13-2010, 08:05 PM

So, there won't be one game or practice you can attend? Are you sure you will miss all of them? I'm sure your children will be proud watching you finish your schooling.

Good luck

**ml2620** · 09-13-2010, 08:20 PM

Are you sure your son even wants you at all these varsity games? If my mom showed up for my track meets I would be super embarrassed.

Didn't you get a degree in something that also didn't work out before you went to beauty school or do I have you confused with someone else?

I have to go with Greebo on this. Pull up your big girl pants and complete your paid for schooling!