Mail order Brides

**shoiji** · 12-16-2010, 08:24 PM

Well, she is very lucky to have you looking out for her. It is fortunate that her son is coming to pick her up and you do not need to get more involved or be in a situation to try and help her further.

Sorry that you have had to go through this rollercoaster. Am glad that she is strong enough to say What the????!!!! and leave!

Take care and I hope things calm down for you soon so you can enjoy the holidays.

**Greebo** · 12-17-2010, 07:38 AM

My only question is - why do you maintain any connection at all with your brother? Obviously he turned out to be bad news. Why keep him in your life at all?

**jas** · 12-17-2010, 08:34 AM

Originally Posted by Greebo

My only question is - why do you maintain any connection at all with your brother? Obviously he turned out to be bad news. Why keep him in your life at all?

Well for one he is the only family member on my side that lives within 1100 miles from me. Most of the time we don't interact much at all. He usually does keep to himself and carries on with his life doing whatever he does day to day. I would say most of his life and certainly most of mine I had no relationship with him at all as he is 13 years older than I am and by the time I was born and when I was around three he moved out of the house and moved to Portugal and all points beyond. He very rarely came home for holidays prefering to do whatever with whoever. He knew he marched to a different drum than the rest of us. My dad was in the military and db was totally against that. When he moved out it was in the 60's and all that was going on during that time.

About 5 years ago he had a heart attack and I was the only family near him to help him out. He lived by himself, any way he started taking anti depression meds and after a few years on them he really broke down and said his whole life he never felt connected to people, any people. Didn't understand how or why people wanted to get married, have families, spend time with and love others. He said he never felt passionate about anything.. So to make others think he did he would start random fights over things and always take the other side and get people in fits over his thinking which was bizzare. To people it looked like he had strong feelings about what ever the subject was. He said he didn't have any feelings at all and then would just leave and never think about it again leaving the people/person behind shaking their head. He would do the same with people leave and walk away leaving women with their hearts broken and he didn't think about them again. Similar to probably what is going to happen to this woman.

Weather he wants to admit it or not (which on some level I thinks he knows) he has mental issues. He should not get involved with women who get emotional with him because he can not give it back. Can't or won't.

I know what he is like and expect it from him. I am NOTsurprised by this outcome, I tried to warn the son and wife. I am not boo hooing over this. This was the expected outcome. I know that anything that comes out of his mouth is usually a lie. It would be shocking if truth came out of it. Like yesterday, I already knew what the truth was, but wanted to see if when caught with the lie right in front of him could he, would he admit it. Well he didn't. Par for the course.

I don't go and hang out with him or invite him over for dinner. Usually the only time I see him is occasionally he will pop over just to see what is up and ask my dh some question about cars. We know not to give him money, pay late rent, utilites, we know he could pay his bills if he wanted to but he spends his money on red bull, cigs and who knows whatelse. I have no problem letting his lights get shut off. He would just steal it from a neighbor. Or do without. It would not bother him that much.

He does not run with the same thinking as most people that would keep the utilities on. He admits that if there is a hard way to do something that is the way he does it.

As for will I ever see him again. Probably if he pops over to my house, he will act like nothing or blame her. I know it is all lies anyway. If he wants to have a cup of tea and leave, whatever. I am sure he does not want to chat with me anyway after yesterday anyway. He was called out on the lie and it is VERY clear he was caught and would not admit it so he will keep to himself.

**daylily** · 12-17-2010, 10:33 AM

jas, I was just reading about psychopaths this week and he seems to fit that description. The main thing in the article was that they have no feelings about anything, no sense of right and wrong or no conscience. They can be very friendly, etc but just have no feelings. I don't remember where I was reading it; I just followed a link in a blog and don't even remember which blog.

**jas** · 12-17-2010, 10:53 AM

Originally Posted by daylily

jas, I was just reading about psychopaths this week and he seems to fit that description. The main thing in the article was that they have no feelings about anything, no sense of right and wrong or no conscience. They can be very friendly, etc but just have no feelings. I don't remember where I was reading it; I just followed a link in a blog and don't even remember which blog.

For people just meeting him he can be the nicest guy around, he can play the game of seeming normal, but there is something off about him under it all. He has held great jobs and has met interesting people. In the skin diving community he has a lot of accomplishments and has even taught some of the Kennedy family to dive.

He has never physically hurt anyone, emotionally for sure.
I have not heard from the son today so I am guessing that his mom is holding her own for the moment. Till he can get her.

Not much I can do anyway today my son is graduatiing from UCF in Orlando and I am leaving very soon. So they are on their own and tomorrow dh and I are gong to a company party. Just saying this, because I am not sitting around waiting to go to the rescue.

**cab54** · 12-17-2010, 11:03 AM

I am so glad the woman is getting out and that her son is acting as though he will get her back to China, and legally guard her assets. That would be the best thing for her, I think.

But...after reading what you said about your brother, I have a bit more feeling for him and can see why you deal with him, at least occasionally. It sounds as if a few years on those meds opened his eyes to what's really wrong with him, and that has to be a bit scary or at least weird...not to feel anything, like other people do. I really pity him for that, and I can understand how you do.

**Greebo** · 12-17-2010, 11:23 AM

I'm not seeing how you actually answered my question.

You gave me a lot of facts about him - but none about why YOU allow him to maintain any connection. Except that he's the only family w/in 1k miles I guess. But really - does he act like family?

**Contrary Housewife** · 12-17-2010, 11:26 AM

Originally Posted by daylily

jas, I was just reading about psychopaths this week and he seems to fit that description. The main thing in the article was that they have no feelings about anything, no sense of right and wrong or no conscience. They can be very friendly, etc but just have no feelings. I don't remember where I was reading it; I just followed a link in a blog and don't even remember which blog.

Yes, I was thinking the same thing. Not saying he's going to turn into an axe murderer or anything, just that with some people their brain really is not wired to feel the same emotions, sense of right and wrong, or social responsibility as the rest of us. He really is physically incapable of believing otherwise.

I feel sorry for his new wife, who came all this way and wanted to love him and not believe the worst of him. But she is an adult and we all make bad choices from time to time, and then move on.

Jas, I hope the drama is out of your life soon.

**daylily** · 12-17-2010, 01:18 PM

THE PSYCHOPATH NEXT DOOR!!!

Here is a link to an article, similar to the one I read.

**jas** · 12-17-2010, 08:29 PM

Originally Posted by Greebo

I'm not seeing how you actually answered my question.

You gave me a lot of facts about him - but none about why YOU allow him to maintain any connection. Except that he's the only family w/in 1k miles I guess. But really - does he act like family?

I probably didn't give you an answer that would make sense. Other than to say he is family. Not the best brother by any means and he has issues out the cazoo. Maybe for most people it is easy to just turn away from a family member and never look back. I am not made that way. Maybe I have this crazy notion in my head I shouldn't just cut him off. In my rational mind it could push someone over the edge to hurt themselves. Even though he does not think like most people, I still do and can't fully understand how a person would not be seriously upset if their family cut them off.

If he did not live near me, it would be easy not to have any contact with him. The only time I do go to his house (before he got married) was if he had not popped in after about a month. Just to make sure he was still alive and not rotting in his house. I don't think his neighbors know how to get in touch with me or even know who I am.