Just could not take one more lie LONG

**Lora88** · 10-07-2010, 07:50 AM

Alittle background have friend have known her for years who likes to stretch the truth. Most of the time its about nothing really important and quite honestly I find it sad that she feels she has to do this in order to feel good about herself. i usually just let it go as its not hurting anyone and if she wants to say she has 2 master degrees when she didnt even finish college knock your socks off,.Yet she doesnt realize I have seen her resume a 100 times and know she only did some college coursework so busted but I dont mention anything as this is not hurting me and if it makes her feel better ok. She is single and currently unemployed she was let go from her last job almost a year ago she says she quit but I know differently These are but the tip of the iceberg So now she is broke and telling me she has cancer but everytime she is supposed to start treatment something happens to prevent it I really dont know if she is sick or not she lies so much its hard to tell She currently has the flu so I went to the store and dropped off some groceries at her door no biggie some soup and basics cause she had no money to pay for them It was not a big deal and I would hope that if I was down and out someone would care enough to do this for me . I come to find out that when she went away last month supposedly to an old friends wedding (btw the friend supposedly bought the air ticket) She actually went to see a guy she met on match>com and used the money she got from selling some old jewelry Well last nite I called her out on it I said that I wonder why whe feels she has to lie to me I dont judge her and if she wants to go see some guy thats her business but Dont cry to me that you have no food or toliet paper . This was all done via text She continued to tell the old friend story wedding story until she realized she was caught then just abruptly stopped texting . So I guess another friend gone suprisingly I feel badly about this I know I was being used alot but she doesnt have many people that care about her and I think quite honestly she is alittle nuts .my queston is would you have handled it differently

**Russ** · 10-07-2010, 07:54 AM

At some point, you have to stop being used. You've reached that point, so I wouldn't feel bad at all. Maybe this will open her eyes, but I doubt it.

**Ceashels** · 10-07-2010, 08:09 AM

I've known people like this. I truly believe it is something they can't help doing because the motivation to garner pity, sympathy, etc is so strong. Any attention is good attention for them.

Hugs to you for being kind enough to do what you did.

**Greebo** · 10-07-2010, 08:35 AM

Originally Posted by Lora88

my queston is would you have handled it differently

Yes.

I would have ended the relationship long ago after the first demonstration of the woman's utter lack of integrity.

**Rhayne** · 10-07-2010, 08:39 AM

Sometimes I think people want to be called on the things their lieing about. Sort of like a cry for help when they don't actually want to ask for help. Maybe you did open her eyes a bit.

**monkeywrangler71** · 10-07-2010, 08:43 AM

Don't feel bad about cutting her off. My ex-husband is a compulsive liar and it is just incredibly draining to be around. Normal conversation shouldn't require you to be constantly on guard, filtering and analysing every single word for its degree of truth. It's mentally exhausting.

**frugal is fun** · 10-07-2010, 08:54 AM

My brother was a chronic lier however he is also a heroin addict and alcoholic. He's been "clean" for about two years and the lying has almost completely stopped. In his case, it was about him feeling inadequate but it got to the point where he would lie about what he had for dinner. He would tell me had steak, when I know he had tuna fish. Just a small example but in this case, he wanted me to think he was "better" if he had steak in stead of tuna fish. Did I really care? of course not. What I cared about is that I couldn't believe a word out of his mouth.

It sounds like she has zero self confidence and feels the need to lie to people so they feel better about her, which makes her feel better about herself. The cancer thing is just an attention getter but it all goes back to self esteem.

I can understand you feeling badly. You're a good person with a good heart and you tried to help her.

**mauimagic** · 10-07-2010, 09:13 AM

It sounds as if you have just had enough and without making it into a big scene, you let her know - enough already. Perhaps at this point she cannot/will not stop lying - even to herself. Agree with everyone - you've been there, supported her without condemning or judging her - nothing more you really can do. You were a friend because of herself, not her lies - and she cannot see around them. It's a sad situation, but not one you can fix.

**Josephhgoins** · 10-07-2010, 09:15 AM

Personally, I would take everything she said with a grain of salt after you realized that she lies. If she asked for money or for me to buy her things I would politely decline.

I probably would still have lunch with her occasionally, but I sure wouldn't trust her with my money or secrets.

**Greebo** · 10-07-2010, 09:42 AM

When you stop interacting with her, she will lie to others about why you two are no longer friends.

**cab54** · 10-07-2010, 10:43 AM

Originally Posted by Greebo

When you stop interacting with her, she will lie to others about why you two are no longer friends.

Yep!

Sounds like you're friends with my MIL, lora88! LOL!

**savvy_sniper** · 10-07-2010, 01:33 PM

With friends like her, who needs enemies?!?! You are better off without her. You don't need her lying and drama. MOVE ON!

**jas** · 10-07-2010, 02:29 PM

too bad for her that if the cancer story is true (highly in question) she has lied too many times and you won't be around when she really would need a friend. Maybe the dude from match* com will help her out.

So sad when people feel the need to lie. Db is like that too.

**shoiji** · 10-07-2010, 08:13 PM

Sounds as if she was taking advantage of you. Nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. Sometimes when you surround yourself with more loving people you feel more loving and care free.