Would this insult you?

**valerian** · 10-12-2010, 06:25 PM

My parents invited us to go to the state fair this Friday so I told dh and dh (who is a teacher) asked for the day off which he rarely does. I said something last night to my Mom about dh getting the day off and she said "that probably wasn't a good idea for him to have the day off when I was going to be out of town." Huh? I said, "How's he going to the state fair then?" She said "He's not going!" HUH?! She told me that they hadn't included him in the invitation...that he would probably start an argument with my oldest ds and he probably wouldn't want to go anyhow. WTF? She said they planned it on a Friday when he was working and didn't think he'd be going. She and I ended up having a huge argument because I told her that was highly insulting to not include my dh. She couldn't or wouldn't understand that that was extremely rude and insulting. Dh and I have been married for 21 years and will always be married. I know that they don't like him that much and they always side with my oldest ds (who has issues) over my dh...we don't get any support hardly at all dealing with his issues. I told her if he wasn't invited, then I wasn't going either so she said that the kids couldn't go then....nice, huh? She was furious that I told dh, but I came home very angry and he wanted to know what was wrong so I told him. What was I supposed to do after he's already gotten the day off? Was I just supposed to say "I'm sorry, but you can't go, and I can't tell you why." Really...Am I being stupid about this? Would this insult you? Sometimes my parents really, really, really annoy me...

**Momto5RN** · 10-12-2010, 06:31 PM

its innapropriate of them to do so and be so sneaky about it too.
if they didnt want him there they should have said something up front not thatit makes it better but at least it was honest.

so now they wont take the boys at all- well maybe you can tell the oldest who causes the issues why - so he can see consequences of his actions .

can you and dh just do something special yourselfs that day - or drop the kids off to go with your parents and just go yourselves

**2ndGenGranola** · 10-12-2010, 07:15 PM

I would be insulted too.

**mauimagic** · 10-12-2010, 07:16 PM

How sad - and rude - and inconsiderate - and insensitive.

**daylily** · 10-12-2010, 07:18 PM

Yes, I would be insulted. I don't think I would even allow my kids to go and I would explain why, if they are old enough to understand.

**frugalwarrior2** · 10-12-2010, 07:18 PM

I'm so sorry your unhappy w/ your mom. I would never assume my DH was invited and would ask. But that's just the way we do it. I don't go to his moms because saying I don't like her is an understatement. He asks if we would mind if he joins us,and sometimes it's no. This is the way we always have done it though.

**Missy** · 10-12-2010, 07:19 PM

i'd be insulted, that's for sure. I'd go anyway...WITH Dh. Forget them, go and have a good time...without them. If you cross paths and they see you two having a good time, so be it.

**Libby** · 10-12-2010, 07:20 PM

Yes I'd be insulted. I'd go anyhow w/o 'her' - as in just your family only. Then should she mention something...I'd pipe up and go "Oh yeah...I DID see that and it was pretty cool".

**Imarachne** · 10-12-2010, 07:35 PM

I can understand your frustration. Maybe it was a case of just not thinking ?

**many houseapes** · 10-12-2010, 07:41 PM

that was incredibly wrong of them. If it were me, I would distance myself from being around them altogether for awhile...having that kind of stress is not healthy for you. I hope things quiet down for you. Hugs.

**pollypurebred39** · 10-12-2010, 07:53 PM

Yes, it seems rather harsh.

Would mess with my zen something fierce.

**mndtrp** · 10-12-2010, 07:57 PM

It would be insulting, but I wouldn't bother going on the same day as the rest of the family. I would go the next day, regardless of whether or not your husband has the day off. Going the same day would be more out of spite than to truly enjoy the experience.

**LuLuBleen** · 10-12-2010, 08:02 PM

Would this insult you?

Yes, to the point that I'd sever the relationship with my parents if they did something like this. I don't tolerate toxic people in my life, blood tie or not.

Your husband is your life partner and the father of your children. It is beyond unforgivable for them to treat him so blatantly disrespectfully.

If you tolerate this, it will just keep happening. FWIW, I think you should speak frankly with your husband and decide together how to proceed.

Sorry you have to deal with this.

**Greebo** · 10-12-2010, 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by LuLuBleen

Yes, to the point that I'd sever the relationship with my parents if they did something like this. I don't tolerate toxic people in my life, blood tie or not.

Your husband is your life partner and the father of your children. It is beyond unforgivable for them to treat him so blatantly disrespectfully.

If you tolerate this, it will just keep happening. FWIW, I think you should speak frankly with your husband and decide together how to proceed.

Sorry you have to deal with this.

Agreed.

You've known your parents and your husband long enough to know the way your parents act about him.

You can't blame them anymore for their ability to get to you like this.

**Pianolady** · 10-12-2010, 08:20 PM

Originally Posted by LuLuBleen

Yes, to the point that I'd sever the relationship with my parents if they did something like this. I don't tolerate toxic people in my life, blood tie or not.

Your husband is your life partner and the father of your children. It is beyond unforgivable for them to treat him so blatantly disrespectfully.

If you tolerate this, it will just keep happening. FWIW, I think you should speak frankly with your husband and decide together how to proceed.

Sorry you have to deal with this.

I agree too. I don't have much tolerance for this kind of thing.