Step back from the excuses.

**heartofmine** · 10-26-2010, 12:38 PM

I think that should be at the top of the "rule" list when trying to give helpful frugal advice. I've been reading a lot on the net. I love reading and gathering up frugal and money saving tips. One thing I've noticed is there are those that ask for advice and the minute people start giving advice the "excuses" start rolling from the one asking for help. One thing I've learned is if you really truly want to change and really truly want advise you'll stop making excuses and buckle down to what life is now. Lives have changed for a lot of people... incomes, budgets, jobs, circumstances. Yes for example you could afford to buy paper towels, buy bottled water, buy soft drinks..before your circumstances changed but now that its changed...you have to change.

...so I say to you "Step back from the excuses. Your circumstances have changed and now YOU have to change.

**Greebo** · 10-26-2010, 12:40 PM

You can choose to ignore reality.

You cannot choose to avoid the consequences.

**Neeley** · 10-26-2010, 12:56 PM

Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Very well said. I have to agree with you 250%. I hit a couple of different budget forums and each has a few posters like this. It frustrates me to no end to listen to someone do nothing but make excuses as to why they cannot take advice given to them. I refuse to spend my time trying to help someone who is not willing to help themselves. In life we all have had to make some type of sacrifice, be it big or small, whether we are well off or just barely making it. No one ever said life was easy or fair. You deal with it and make the best of the cards you have been dealt. I cannot and will not give advice to or feel sorry for anyone who is not willing to stop making excuses and start making a change.

**ladytoysdream** · 10-26-2010, 01:21 PM

I think budgets can be a big pill for some people to swallow.
If we want to survive , we must face reality.

I know here we have gave up a lot to keep our budget going .
It is what has to be.
We have a good roof over our heads and all our bills are curent.
I keep reminding the hubby even though his job is low income $$ , it is a good job. No raise 2 yrs in row now. I am getting closer to SS and already have pushed the pencil....it won't get any easier for us. He has a bit longer than me to keep working but when he wants to retire, we need either the HEL or his truck paid off. We can't make it with both bills. Well we could maybe, but it would leave no room for emergencies. It would be constant stress.

No excuses here.....just harsh reality

**Russ** · 10-26-2010, 01:23 PM

Originally Posted by ladytoysdream

I think budgets can be a big pill for some people to swallow.

EXACTLY! My Sister in law gets MAD if you bring up the "B" word.

**Greebo** · 10-26-2010, 01:25 PM

A big part of it is having proper priorities.

If your priorities are really in order, it becomes easy to start saying "no" to yourself.

If your priorities are out of whack, well, then you get people saying, "Well I'm just not willing to _____" while they're losing their cars, their houses, their life...whatever.

Pretty much as soon as I hear "Well I'm just not willing to _____" I stop trying very hard to help that person.

**Momto5RN** · 10-26-2010, 01:29 PM

to be fair there is a difference between can't and won't and for some things and until you are in that persons shoes in their REALITY you really wont fully understand why its a can't instead of just a won't.

IE due to my fibro- i cant hang laundry -on top of small yard -low celilings in basement - too much to hang in bathroom ( 7 people ) - it hurts like hell to keep my arms above my head for even 3 min more less enough to hang full loads( not to mention some things when wet towels and jeans are heavy for me to even tranfser from washer to dryer ).. i have been on lists where people ignorant of my medical condition think i am just klazy and making excuses . so unless one experiences it - they may see that as an excuse .

and sometimes things are just emotionally exhausting so you give up on them esp when it has to do with other people .

i have found its really not worth the 10$ savings a month for me to end up bickering with my 19 yo about sleeping with the light off - for some reason darkness scares her - so be it . i will save that $ in another way .

But you also wont hear me complaining about my electric bill that much because they are two choices i have made for sanity and health reasons. I take responsibility for the choices i make .

of course saying no to every suggestion without even trying it will not get you where you want to be either - even if you think it wont work , try it and know for sure because it may work out for you afterall !!!

**druthb00** · 10-26-2010, 01:29 PM

Originally Posted by Greebo

A big part of it is having proper priorities.

If your priorities are really in order, it becomes easy to start saying "no" to yourself.

If your priorities are out of whack, well, then you get people saying, "Well I'm just not willing to _____" while they're losing their cars, their houses, their life...whatever.

Pretty much as soon as I hear "Well I'm just not willing to _____" I stop trying very hard to help that person.

I don't like seeing "I can't ____" when I know in reality what they mean is "I won't"

**shoiji** · 10-26-2010, 02:18 PM

When people start making excuses and going into the wo is me song and dance for the choices they have made all I can think of is whatever and grow up especially when a whole bunch of ideas are presented to them.

It is difficult to get out of this mindset but the more they realize all that they do have the easier it becomes to start making changes. Having goals and figuring out how to get to their goals is not an easy road. Many of us know, especially when Murphy decides to visit, that getting back to extreme basics and lots of imagination is important.

**2ndGenGranola** · 10-26-2010, 02:43 PM

People need to grow up and understand the difference between WANTS and NEEDS - the number 1 budget killer IMO.

**mauimagic** · 10-26-2010, 02:51 PM

Great topic - and love the term 'step away'....very true.

Just want/need to add another perspective that sometimes people are in anotherr part of their processing and need the time/opportunity to get through the 'I can't, I won't etc."

Personally, I've learned that when I am tired of thinking about, talking about, whining about a problem is when I am ready to do something about it.

I've learned/relearned a lot by rereading threads - very insightful people here!!

**heartofmine** · 10-26-2010, 03:08 PM

I know people have challenges and there is a difference between can't and won't but there are ways around the can'ts too. I have a lot of health issues myself and I've had to adjust my life with those. That is where the rest of the family have to step in and help. I have fibro, rheumatoid arthritis, GERD, high blood pressure, and some other health issues. I've already had 1 stroke when I was 36 and cancer 5 1/2 years ago at 39. I'm just saying all that to say I know pain. Its my life's reality. My income and my budget are still a reality and pain or not I still have to do all I can do. We live on 1 low income. I can't get disability. Loop holes according to my lawyer. Anyway that is another story. When your not able the family needs to step up. This is their reality too.

My son and daughter live at home and go to college. My son also works 20 hours a week at the college. Thankfully he was given an assistantship through the college to pay for his Master's degree so he works the 20 hours as part of that. Both have worked hard and gotten scholarships and grants to pay for all their college. Both will graduate debt free. In between all they are doing they still help here at home. They live here so they should be.

Every member of the family can help in some way and should be encouraged to. Even the little ones. Mine have done chores from the time they were small. My son and daughter help with the laundry. The do all the toting and carrying for me. I do the cooking, they do the clean up. My son helps with the vacuuming because my vacuum is so heavy and we have stairs. My daughter does the cooking when I'm having a really bad pain filled day. When she cooks my son does the cleanup.

I also want to add that we also took care of my dying fil for 2 1/2 years in his own home. He had Parkinsons. We (dh and I) were going every other night and then every 3rd night after we got caregivers. When I was having health problems my son took my place...when he could and part of the time my husband had to take care of him alone. My daughter helped me during all of this with cooking, laundry, and all.

As a family we worked together and in the end we are so much closer for it. We are debt free except for 2 small doctor bills less than $100.00.

I hope what I'm saying makes sense. I feel like I'm rambling a little. I've just had so many thoughts about this. Where there is a will...there is a way.

**fairydana** · 10-26-2010, 03:42 PM

To be honest it irritates me to read certain posts. So I try to avoid them. I know for me coming here gives me a lot of great ideas on things I have never thought of. I appreciate the experience and knowledge of everyone here. To me this board is priceless. When people constantly post of their problems and then "Excuse It UP" I know that they arent willing to make the choice to do better for themselves. Until they STEP UP and accept some kind of responsibility for their lives and their choices then their lives will never get better.

It is truly a hard thing to look inside of yourself and admit that maybe you dont know all the answers and maybe other people can help you. But once you do find the strength to face your problems and take the steps to fix them it can and will change your whole world. So my advice is always to face it!

Thanks for this topic!!