What do you do? (Venting included)

**MomToTwoBoys** · 11-01-2010, 01:10 PM

A small background:

I was in the Marine Corps from March 1997 to August 2001. In that time, I made lots of friends. One of these friends in particular was someone that I dated on and off. It was nothing too serious. After I got out of the Marine Corps, we lost touch. Lo and behold, we find each other via MySpace. After that, we friend each other on Facebook and have been in contact for the last two weeks.

So fast forward to today:

I get this Facebook message from his current girlfriend (who is 19 years old... he's 32) telling me all sorts of crap. In it, there's the words "he has no wishes of rekindling anything of vthat sort so I would appreciate it if your conversations remained strictly as friends if you want to continue talk to him. And if you had any. Intentions or dreams of being with him or coming to see him to rekindle a falsified fantasy I will insure you now that he is very much spoken for. For the past year and forever more."

Err? What?!

I am just outraged. I don't think outraged can even describe how I feel. It's more like I'm about to beat someone up after seeing this.

He and I have been talking and he has told me that he loves her very much. I told him I'm happy for him and that it's good to see him with someone he feels that strongly about. We've pretty much been the same to each other now that we were before. I have no inclination of being with him and out of the two things I wrote on his wall in two weeks, I get his girlfriend sending me this.

I told her that in no way, shape or form does she have any right whatsoever to dictate how I'll speak to her boyfriend and how our friendship will continue to be. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be different to an old, old friend of mine just because she's young and insecure and can't deal with the fact that he has other friends. I mean for crying out loud, he's a bartender in a bar now and I see him with lots of women in pictures. But for someone like me, who is happily married for the last eight years, to spook her is something else all together.

I replied to her the following:

I don't think you have any right whatsoever to tell me how I should and should not be friends with someone who I have been with way before he knew you existed. I would suggest that in the future, you learn to appreciate what you have and stop trying to dictate who your boyfriend may or may not associate with on any level.

Lastly, if you have any personal issues with me being friends with him, then I suggest you look at why you feel that way and ask yourself if getting that worked up over someone who is 3k miles away is really worth it. If you believe that I'm trying to sabotage your relationship with him, that's on you.

I have one rule in my life:

Don't screw with my friendships.

So what do you do? I already blocked her and I sent him a message. I told him that I know how much he loves her, but for her to speak to an old friend like that really deserves a talk with her. I also told him that I'm not going to make him choose because well, that's just stupid, but he needs to drill it into her head that I'm not a threat of any kind to his relationship.

**Contrary Housewife** · 11-01-2010, 01:23 PM

She's young and immature and you did the right thing telling her to piss off. I would ignore her from now on unless she apologizes. It's not worth the angst to worry about it over a renewed acquaintanceship that's not going anywhere.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 11-01-2010, 01:25 PM

Originally Posted by Contrary Housewife

She's young and immature and you did the right thing telling her to piss off. I would ignore her from now on unless she apologizes. It's not worth the angst to worry about it over a renewed acquaintanceship that's not going anywhere.

See, that's how I looked at it too. I just don't get how anyone has the nerve to say things like that to someone they don't even know, or have no idea about.

**Natalie's Nesters** · 11-01-2010, 01:29 PM

Crazy Chick Alert!!! You handled it beautifully!

**Darlene** · 11-01-2010, 01:37 PM

Sounds like high school.

No drama there if you just ignore and carry on with your life talking to whomever you please.

**HappyMama** · 11-01-2010, 02:12 PM

Originally Posted by Darlene

Sounds like high school.

No drama there if you just ignore and carry on with your life talking to whomever you please.

Agree! Do have to ask if this is how you would feel and handle if the situation was your husband finding someone from the past and befriending? If so then great all is and shall be fine in paradise.

**Josephhgoins** · 11-01-2010, 02:13 PM

Ok, she is apparently a Crazy B**CH OR he really is having an affair and she just can't pin point the other woman so she is lashing out an anyone she thinks might have anything to do with it.

I would have probably had not replied to her but would have forwarded the message to him and let him deal with it.

You just never know what Crazy women will do. UKWM?

**LynnLC** · 11-01-2010, 02:31 PM

I would have replied with a simple "Lol".

**MomToTwoBoys** · 11-01-2010, 02:31 PM

I'm totally fine with DH befriending people from his past. He's been that way with my friends.

This guy friend of mine is pretty hard up for this girl. They've been dating for a year and he tells me how much he loves her. So I'm ok with that...

and speaking as the woman who is usually on the side of crazy, this chick is totally nuts.

I've dealt with women like this for the last fifteen years. You would think I'd be used to it by now. I'm the woman who has to get in words before turning the other woman over to her boyfriend, which is what I did. I'll let him handle her. After seeing how he lets her go out and socialize all sorts of nice with other guys, I can't see how he'd like it when he finds out that she's sending private messages to ex-gfs and the like telling them to stay away from her man.

**Russ** · 11-01-2010, 02:32 PM

Originally Posted by Darlene

Sounds like high school.

No drama there if you just ignore and carry on with your life talking to whomever you please.

EXACTLY.

Originally Posted by MomToTwoBoys

I don't think you have any right whatsoever to tell me how I should and should not be friends with someone who I have been with way before he knew you existed. I would suggest that in the future, you learn to appreciate what you have and stop trying to dictate who your boyfriend may or may not associate with on any level.

Lastly, if you have any personal issues with me being friends with him, then I suggest you look at why you feel that way and ask yourself if getting that worked up over someone who is 3k miles away is really worth it. If you believe that I'm trying to sabotage your relationship with him, that's on you.

You typed about 2 more paragraphs than what I would have.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 11-01-2010, 02:36 PM

What can I say? My self-restraint is a bit unorthodox.

**PinkTulip** · 11-01-2010, 03:08 PM

LOL! It is Facebook..she sounds like a child. She is probably jealous of his Farmville friends as well. I would ignore it!!

**knitnmom** · 11-01-2010, 03:36 PM

Originally Posted by LynnLC

I would have replied with a simple "Lol".

Me too! It was just funny!

**Paws** · 11-01-2010, 03:42 PM

Immaturity and insecurity can lead to such drama...especially in a teenager.
What you responded should suffice. Hopefully she'll let it go now.

**heartofmine** · 11-01-2010, 04:04 PM

I think you handled it well actually. Hopefully your friend can handle it and they'll be no more drama. The girl is young and I can remember being insecure myself at that age and I was already married...married at 17. Old girlfriends made me nervous even though I knew my husband loved me. I can imagine her being so young and the boyfriend so much older than her there would be some issues. NOT excusing what she did because if she had a problem she should have discussed it with him and not come off on you...but I can see how it would make her insecure. She doesn't know you...just that your a former girlfriend. Hopefully your friend can straighten things out.