What do you think?

[mommy4ever]

There is a girl on dd11 team that is always asking to borrow things. Fine, we've offered ours several times, but 2 months into the season, she should have her own.

Last week she asked to borrow, so i told her she should get her dad to get some, and magically she took it out of her own bag.

Yesterday she asked to borrow some from dd. DD had closed her bag up and told her to use her own and went out the get her skates tied.

The girl went through dd11 bag and helped herself.

I'm not cool with this, it's breaking the boundary imo. 1, she has her own, and 2. she was told no.

Then there is the flip side. What if she is seen going into some ones bag, and then something is missing, more than likely just not where the owner thinks it is. Not in the bag, in their coat, etc. But if she's seen in the bag, what are people going to think? She didn't take it, but if it can't be found, what is going to be a quiet assumption. Breaking trust in the team....


I did speak to the team manager. She said she'd just buy her some tape... that ISN'T the issue. It's the lack of respect. Buying her tape, will not solve it, she already has tape.

I guess I'm going to be sitting in the dressing room a lot from now on.

It also irks me, because she'll sit there and waste time, be late on the ice because she needs tape.... she has tape. She is the team goalie, she is an important part of the team. But her behavior is starting to irritate everyone. I have a team goalie in my dd13. She is the first girl ready usually. She doesn't waste time, coach says 15 minutes before game time be dressed, and she is. Usually the team is on the ice and this girl is still in the dressing room.

What do you think? What would you have done?

[Cricketlegs]

I would tell her to stay out of my dds bag. Period.

[frugalwarrior2]

I would have told her that she is NOT allowed to borrow DD's stuff anymore because she took it after she was told NO. I would then make her understand that I will talk to her parent if it happens again.

[klean163]

I have to agree frugalwarrior ;no means no !

[mommy4ever]

Her parents are separated, and their daughter can do no wrong.

It's getting really irritating. Them, her.... arghh...

This whole team is turning into a nightmare..lol. Is it march yet?

[Nana2two]

Sounds like the Manager doesn't get the Point. I agree. No means NO.

[mommy4ever]

OH, in this sport, it is touchy. I thought talking to the manager would help. She's a great lady and can be very diplomatic. I'm hoping i haven't just blown everything up for dd11. She had such a trying year with what happened at school last spring. We got the coach we hoped for. And his younger daughter is dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde this year. Not like that last year.

I can't wait for this to be done.

[mommy4ever]

Sounds like the Manager doesn't get the Point. I agree. No means NO.

In her defense, she was in a rush. I did email her to clarify what the issue is. I just hope I haven't caused a big 'scene' here.

We HAD to a few years ago when a coach was bullying our older daughter. She was quite supportive and had great suggestions after the fact. So I thought talking to her would be good.

And really, this girl could be accused of theft if something WERE to go missing, even if innocent.

So not out of line for bringing up our concerns?

[Nishu]

Last week she asked to borrow, so i told her she should get her dad to get some, and magically she took it out of her own bag.

Did you tell her no, or did you tell her that her dad should get her some? Because that's not exactly "no."

I don't think those boundaries that you're talking about area as clear as you think they are. I've been on a basketball team of junior high girls and I could totally see them just going through each others stuff when they need it.

In all honesty, I think you should clarify the issue with the tape with this kid and then step away. The tape is certainly your concern, the running of the team isn't. Step back and let the coach do her job.

[Momto5RN]

is it the same size color etc tape ? is there a hypoallergenic and a type thats more irrtating maybe she has the more irrataing one ? does one tear more easily than another ?

just looking for some ideas as to why your dds may be " better " than hers not that it makes it right .

in no way would i allow that child to be the last in the locker room unless all bags can be locked up.

she may be asking for tape hoping people will say you can get it out of my bag and sneaking a look at what else in in their bags .

hate to think that but kids whose parents think teir kids can do no wrong tend to be the ones who think they can take things or break things with out it being a big deal because they are never taught repercussions for small actions - it can grow into a big issue

[mommy4ever]

The day she went in the bag, she was told no. DD closed her bag. Very clear.

The tape in question is sock tape, it doesn't touch the skin and it's ALL the same.

[Momto5RN]

i have no idea what sock tape is LOL but i wouldnt trust the child at this point - esp alone with my kids stuff
no lockers to lock stuff up in ?

[mommy4ever]

LOL.. think in terms of hockey gear. Sock tape is used to keep shin pads in place, socks in place, laces from getting untied. Multitude of uses, but NOT on the skin.

[mndtrp]

You've stated the case to the child and the manager. If you don't want to go to the parents, then get a locker or a bag lock. I don't see any reason to continue discussing the issue with either the child or the manager, and I don't see any reason to try to understand the child's actions.