Rude comments made by someone's daughter.

**nadine64** · 11-22-2010, 05:13 AM

A friend of mine came over this past weekend to pick up her son from my DS's 16th birthday party. She also has a 13 year old daughter. From the time they walked in the door the daughter started making these really rude comments to me in front of her mother. "My mom doesn't really like you, she just tolerates you" and another one was "I told my mom she should burn you a copy of a new CD that came out and she said why should I". The mom was just like "Cassie"! But the mom, my friend, didn't say anything. She didn't tell her daughter to apologize for the rude comments at all. I'm trying to not blow this out of proportion, but my thinking is why would the daughter do this? Just to be a brat? I feel that kids usually repeat what they've heard at home. Then when they were leaving a few minute later, the daughter starts saying "look mom, she's shoving us out the door, she's shoving us out the door". OMG I was appalled by this girl's behavior! Should I just let it go or should I talk to my friend about her daughter's behavior? It makes me question our friendship since it wasn't on solid ground anyways.

**MaryCarney** · 11-22-2010, 06:13 AM

I'm thinking you just let the so-called 'friendship' die a natural death and be thanking yourself for raising your kids to know who is the parent in the relationship, as onviously this 13 yo rules the roost.
You don't need to confront the mom - she heard the comments and chose to do nothing - your words will not 'fix' that child.

**nadine64** · 11-22-2010, 06:30 AM

Originally Posted by MaryCarney

I'm thinking you just let the so-called 'friendship' die a natural death and be thanking yourself for raising your kids to know who is the parent in the relationship, as onviously this 13 yo rules the roost.
You don't need to confront the mom - she heard the comments and chose to do nothing - your words will not 'fix' that child.

I think you're right. Especially the last line, she heard the comments and did nothing. Thanks for the advice. Just didn't know what to do.

**erinalexmom** · 11-22-2010, 06:33 AM

I agree with Mary, becaise it sounds like she is not your friend when you arent around. But I will also say:why did she tell her daughter her feelings on you and your friendship in the first place? I get so tired of parents being "buddies" with thier kids and treating them as peers instead of the children they are. I personally would never discuss my friendship issues with my kids. They are children and its none of thier business.

**2ndGenGranola** · 11-22-2010, 07:05 AM

I would almost think the daughter has some kind of disorder. A thirteen y/o is too old to act like that without a disorder. If you are dealing with a child with a "social" type disorder, you handle it just the way she did. You don't handle it the way you would a normal child and may come across to the unknowing a little lax or neglectful.

**monkeywrangler71** · 11-22-2010, 07:58 AM

The daughter was most likely angry at her mother and made the comments to hurt and humiliate her. My daughter has behavioural issues and we have learned to respond to incidents like this by ignoring her. It is attention seeking behaviour and the less attention you give it, the less likely it is to continue.

**Josephhgoins** · 11-22-2010, 08:18 AM

Maybe the girl was mad because she didn't get to go to the part as well and was just acting out?

I hate she was a brat to you, but agree that you should just put that friendship in the past. The mother was there and heard what was said. Hopefully she will call you and apologize later, but if not, I don't think you're really loosing anything.

**sjohnson3278** · 11-22-2010, 09:20 AM

Ummm....first of all, I am sorry you were treated that way. Do you think the daughter was ust being a brat or do you think there is any truth in some of the things she was saying?

**mauimagic** · 11-22-2010, 10:29 AM

Some people's children!! - Yup - wise ideas already stated....think the child does have social issues and she was repeating conversations with her mother and let the relationship go -- and most of all be thankful as to how you are raising your children and treating your friends.

**McD** · 11-22-2010, 10:35 AM

I don't think the girl has a disorder. I think the girl was behaving like a 13 year old girl and being a disrespectful little turd, probably because she was feuding with her momma. (been there.so done that).

I'm more appalled by the mother's inaction.

**Sassyclass** · 11-22-2010, 10:37 AM

Well you are all better than I am, cuz I think I would have told the girl she can tell her mom to teach her some manners. I never have and never will put up with rudeness from anyone. It's the one thing that gets my blood boiling in a split second. And before I hear how wrong that is just let me add, if that had been me at 13 mouthing off to an adult my mouth would have been popped and I knew it therefore I knew not to do it. The same with my kids.

Cat

**cab54** · 11-22-2010, 10:45 AM

Wow........just.........Wow.

**Nishu** · 11-22-2010, 10:54 AM

Wow! What a monster. I would have been backhanded if I had ever said anything like that to anyone.

I agree with Mary, btw. Even if the kid is just making that stuff up (wouldn't surprise me if she did) mom kinda voted by choosing not to speak up or apologize.

Let that friendship die.

**Missy** · 11-22-2010, 11:56 AM

Originally Posted by monkeywrangler71

The daughter was most likely angry at her mother and made the comments to hurt and humiliate her. My daughter has behavioural issues and we have learned to respond to incidents like this by ignoring her. It is attention seeking behaviour and the less attention you give it, the less likely it is to continue.

I agree with this...i could have nothing to do with the mother at all. It could just be this pretten is mad and has found an effective way to make mom miserable.

Mom might have been so worn down and tired of it all that she just folded.

I have seen some awful, horrible, manipulative kids aged around 9-14ish in several places that spend a lot of time treating moms this way. Walk through any mall and listen to teens with their moms. Guranteed you'll find at least one more pair each day like this.

Talk to the mom, see what's up. And for what it's worth, i'd put more value in the answers the mom gives that the snippy prissy words of that kid...

just my opinion...how horrible and alone would it feel to have a kid so delftly alienate you from other adults.

And this kid could have been trying to manipulate you as well, you know..turn her mom's friends against her...

I wouldn't let such a brat change how i do things...don't let her actions ruin a friendship for yuou either.

**shoiji** · 11-22-2010, 01:20 PM

I would think the mother would have discussed any type of social disorder her daughter might have prior to her outburst if she was a friend of yours. Anyway, I have had the experience where I was just mouth opened in shock at hearing what comes out of kids mouths. Unfortunately many times I could not do anything because the parents knew someone or donated money to the place I taught classes at.

I can't help thinking at these times that our wonderful media with all the reality shows does not help these situations.

Let the friendship die out. Keep your son out of it. You can still be civil to the mother but there really is not a reason to be friends or do anything with her.