I feel very fustrated right now..

**brenda67** · 12-16-2010, 08:49 AM

I was reading another site that mentioned how children are writing to Santa for things like basic needs such as food, warm clothes,shampoo ect... It upset's me terribly that our children are suffering like this..Then a thought came to mind about a friend whom is doing the adopt a family thing for a co-worker that has been out of work for 6 week's and doesn't have much money to buy gift's for her 3 kids..anyway I know this (adopt) family (it happen's to be my cousin by marriage sister) the dad doesn't work most of the time..the mother smokes (not sure if the husband does) they get food stamps and buy's alot of takeout food plus get's thousand's of dollars (I'm talking $8000,00 income tax refund) last year and doesn't have money to buy present for the kid's? I know it's not the poor kids fault ..but wth? I remember the day I had my first born son I didn't even have a winter coat to put on him to bring him home in (he was born Dec 29th ..my dh was not in the picture then..no support of any kind either) all my selfishness dissapeared at 4:06 am the minute he was born..I quit my 13yr 2 packs a day smoking habit to make sure that my son would have what he needed like diapers (I was on welfare at the time) it was a choice to either buy ciggs or diaper's for my baby.. I started working when my baby was less than a year old ..dropped welfare and never looked back..I alway's make sure my kid's come first..I brought them into this world and it's my job to make sure they have what they need to thrive with bonus's on the way.. ..My point is that I'm fustrated that my friend that's helping this adopt a family thing could have helped a family that really needed it..not someone who blow's their money on whatever than think's everyone should feel sorry for them and give whatever charity handed to them on a silver platter..

Sorry for the rant just need to get this off my chest..

**annymoll** · 12-16-2010, 09:24 AM

It is difficult to watch. The thing that is so upsetting to me is that the children suffer because of the parental stupidy.And even more frustrating is the fact that those parents KNOW that there will be folks who pity those kids. Christmas will be provided at no expense to them.I don't help these families, and I don't worry about them. They will be ok. I look for a different family situation. It is one reason I like having a choice on where my assistance is offered.

**FrugalKate** · 12-16-2010, 09:28 AM

Unfortunately our Government has created this epidemic. Welfare was supposed to be a helping hand, not the hand out that it has become over the decades.

Brenda see if you can't "adopt" a family for the holidays who have currently lost their unemployment benefits. Those are the ones this country should really be helping - not the ones who have scammed the Welfare system for decades.

**jas** · 12-16-2010, 09:31 AM

You both have nailed it. I know we are not talking about the parents that are in dire straights and do give up their own needs to make sure that the children are taken care of. It is the ones who are selfish and continue to drink, smoke, do what every is a pleasure to them and the kids come last and let others pick up the slack for their lazy selfishness.

**Dancing Lotus** · 12-16-2010, 12:36 PM

I was helping in my daughters second grade class today. The school has the older kids mentor the younger ones. Today they had a Holiday party with their mentors. The kids exchanged hand made cards and the teacher mentioned to me that this year all the teachers agreed to ban gift exchanges in their classes because so many kids couldn't afford anything. She then pointed out a girl to me who she said that yesterday all the teachers gave bags of clothing and gift cards to that's child's family because the mother came in wearing shorts in 21 degree weather. She said she didn't own any long pants and hasn't had a pair in 5 yrs.

I got all teary eyed and realized that all my financial stress is nothing compared to others.

**brenda67** · 12-16-2010, 12:42 PM

Originally Posted by AnnK

I was helping in my daughters second grade class today. The school has the older kids mentor the younger ones. Today they had a Holiday party with their mentors. The kids exchanged hand made cards and the teacher mentioned to me that this year all the teachers agreed to ban gift exchanges in their classes because so many kids couldn't afford anything. She then pointed out a girl to me who she said that yesterday all the teachers gave bags of clothing and gift cards to that's child's family because the mother came in wearing shorts in 21 degree weather. She said she didn't own any long pants and hasn't had a pair in 5 yrs.

I got all teary eyed and realized that all my financial stress is nothing compared to others.

Well this post has made me cry...This is exactly what I'm talking about somebody who truly is in need!

**Nana2two** · 12-16-2010, 01:03 PM

I think at some point we all know someone that plays the system and is just down right selfish and greedy. I know a family with 3 kids the dad works $1400 a month , mom works under the table at $800 a month. The mother has 2 kids from previous relationships getting $400 for 1 child and she receives $380 for the other. Then they have a child together. 1 of the kids collect $500+ a month from ssi. They also receive $890 a month in food stamps. Just got energy assistance which the Government credit $800 to there electric bill.So without food stamps and electric credit there income is $3580. But she only claims her husbands income and her sons ssi. They have a huge house with a scenic view they rent from a friend they pay $575 but claim they pay $1000. She has put her name in for every Christmas program out there.Her kids have received hundreds of dollars in toys and clothes. Well she also put her name in at our Church. Guess who pulls her name ME. Uggg couldn't put the name back. So i hit the thrift shops yesterday and found for all 3 kids brand new items all for under $20 bucks. Not trying to be mean but come on. She is a sweet lady she will do any thing for you she is always helping out with funeral dinners fundraisers and such. I just find it very greedy. Its almost like addiction to gotta have it all.

**annymoll** · 12-16-2010, 02:20 PM

Originally Posted by annymoll

It is difficult to watch. The thing that is so upsetting to me is that the children suffer because of the parental stupidy.And even more frustrating is the fact that those parents KNOW that there will be folks who pity those kids. Christmas will be provided at no expense to them.I don't help these families, and I don't worry about them. They will be ok. I look for a different family situation. It is one reason I like having a choice on where my assistance is offered.

How very stupid of me, Stupidity.I promise I'm not working on a free present.

**Nishu** · 12-16-2010, 03:27 PM

Originally Posted by AnnK

I was helping in my daughters second grade class today. The school has the older kids mentor the younger ones. Today they had a Holiday party with their mentors. The kids exchanged hand made cards and the teacher mentioned to me that this year all the teachers agreed to ban gift exchanges in their classes because so many kids couldn't afford anything. She then pointed out a girl to me who she said that yesterday all the teachers gave bags of clothing and gift cards to that's child's family because the mother came in wearing shorts in 21 degree weather. She said she didn't own any long pants and hasn't had a pair in 5 yrs.

I got all teary eyed and realized that all my financial stress is nothing compared to others.

Can I just go off on a tangent here and complain? Then I'll get right back to the thread, promise.

A few years ago, I was on another site and someone was complaining about all the changes that were happening to the schools. Someone actually complained that they were getting rid of show and tell and gift exchanges at school because some kids were seriously disadvantaged financially. It was as though it was a God-given right for their child to expect these kind of things in their school, like of all the things that will happen at school... making friends, doing crafts, reading stories... it was these two things that were really going to make or break their childhood. People agreed with her.

Ugh! I don't like gift exchanges. You never know how people are doing financially and it isn't fair to put them in a position to buy people things when they might not be able to afford it. It really bothers me to think that someone might be a few bucks away from not eating and then have to worry about something like this. I'm sure it's embarrassing, too. No one should be put in that position.

Now that I can afford stupid stuff like gift exchanges, I take every opportunity that I can to bow out and/or complain.

On another note, a few weeks ago I drove past a minivan parked on the side of the road. There was a man sitting outside with a cardboard sign that said "Family in need, please help" He even listed the size of diapers they need on the sign.

I had just returned a bunch of stuff to walmart so I had a gift card worth close to 100 iirc. I turned around and I was going to give it to them but when I pulled I noticed that he and his wife had taken a break and were smoking. I couldn't bring myself to give them anything.

**rosey7415** · 12-16-2010, 07:39 PM

can i go against the grain here? when my husband and i divorced, many, many moons ago, i was on welfare. i was trying to get some education so i could get a decent job. i really needed the help and was so appreciative that it was there for me. there are sooooo many people that are on welfare that really need it. i use to get soooo frustrated hearing these horror stories about those that are abusing the system. they sure are a lot of them. no offense to anyone but they are assholes in every segment of society. from the poor to the very rich. please just don't forget about those that truly are in need. these a##*** ruin it for all the others.

**BlissMommy** · 12-16-2010, 07:50 PM

I don't mind helping someone in need, but people playing the system bother me. I have a cousin like that. Always has her cigarettes, but sometimes has to go to her friends to get diapers for her son. I give her rides all the time and get no gas money offered in return. It's a mess.

**Rhiamon** · 12-16-2010, 11:09 PM

I am on disability right now due to mental health problems. I smoke but if I don't have the money I don't get them. If it comes up between getting milk for my daughter or smokes I will always choice my daughter. It does frustrate me when people abuse the system because it does ruin it for others. I do get that look of well you are just abusing the system. I don't plan to be on disability for life, I am planning on going to school when I am ready and becoming a PSW. I pick up Christmas gifts through out the year for DD so I am not stuck with having to pay a crap load of money I don't have around Christmas time. I have an RESP for DD, life insurance etc because I budget it in. Please know that not everyone on the system is abusing it or not taking care of there children. Even those of us who do smoke. Not all of us drink or eat out all the time. My daughter will always come first because that is what happens when you become a parent no matter what situation you find yourself in.

**Nana2two** · 12-16-2010, 11:32 PM

Originally Posted by Rhiamon

I am on disability right now due to mental health problems. I smoke but if I don't have the money I don't get them. If it comes up between getting milk for my daughter or smokes I will always choice my daughter. It does frustrate me when people abuse the system because it does ruin it for others. I do get that look of well you are just abusing the system. I don't plan to be on disability for life, I am planning on going to school when I am ready and becoming a PSW. I pick up Christmas gifts through out the year for DD so I am not stuck with having to pay a crap load of money I don't have around Christmas time. I have an RESP for DD, life insurance etc because I budget it in. Please know that not everyone on the system is abusing it or not taking care of there children. Even those of us who do smoke. Not all of us drink or eat out all the time. My daughter will always come first because that is what happens when you become a parent no matter what situation you find yourself in.

Very true, not all abuse it. There are alot that are very honest. My daughter is a single mom of 2 works 25 hours a week is a waitress and also goes to college, she has been trying to get foodstamps since she moved in with us and they keep giving her the run around of course i won't let them go hungry but our grocery bills is around $175 more a month . More fruits and veggies, milk ect.Water bill is up $25 a month and electric and gas is up $40 bucks a month. I think the case worker is a airhead. She finally call the supervisor and is filing a greavence. The worker said oh well i have sent two notices and she failed to show up. I get the mail everyday she never has recieved any papers about appointments, she recieved the papers for failure to keep appt. I think its all hogwash. She is not ask for cash, they are covered by medical. She pays her car payment which will payed off in Feb.She pays her insurance and her phone.Plus her gas and whatever the boys need.

**Nana2two** · 12-18-2010, 11:57 PM

Update on the above info from me. She recived a notice that she will get foodstamps, going back to September when she first applied.So they put 4 months on her card $800 Then starting in January will get $201 a month. It will change according to her income. So that was blessing. She was totally shocked in the 800 lump back case work said it goes back to the first day she applied which was in September. Daughter asked about why she never got papers on appointments. The supervisor said that its being brought to the board of directors and she was not the first for this certain case worker.

**Jmor** · 12-19-2010, 12:22 AM

In our town, there is a big van that drops people off at busy corners and intersections,where they stand all day with a sign that reads "homeless, please help" or something like that. Around 5 or 6 pm, the van comes back around and picks everyone up. Quite a little business they've got going. I see cars pull up and hand them cash, even when the person has the sign in one hand and a cigarette in the other.