When your sick you just want to be mothered But what does that mean?

[imagine]

exactly, never happens but it would be nice.

I can see mothering more when your kids are small. I know as an adult and out of the house being mothered by my mother ended.

But what is it about the smile and light in the real life mommies my age at the school pick up time, or at church when the mention their mom's or MIL's coming over to when they are sick. Some adult mom's must be being mothered or do they just believe that they are suppose to be so they perpetrate the myth of being mothered as an adult. They seemed to happy to be faking it.

[cab54]

My Mom was a really good Mom when I was a little girl. She was nurturing and tried to allay my symptoms when I was sick. So, I had a good role model for being a Mom to my boys.

***I have the utmost respect and admiration for you Mothers who DIDN'T have that kind of nurturing and example as kids, and resolved to make sure YOUR kids get a different upbringing and mothering. You are my heroes (heroines)!! TRULY! It takes a LOT of moxie and devotion to turn your lives and the lives of your kids around like that!!***

[imagine]

I figured out what my Mom's mothering style is!!

She buys things - she provides.

When she came she paid of pizza( she wanted to take us out but I said we were to sick) so she paid for the pizza - I order it and hubby greeted the pizza man.

She brought a blow up mattress ( she was planning on bringing this when she was going to watch the children) so both children could sleep on air mattresses on our bedroom floor since we kicked Little Miss out of her bed for Grandma.

She ran to buy us more medicine which she paid for when she discovered we would of had to write her a check to pay her back.

Hubby and I still did the necessary chores , blew up the mattress (mom had bought a electric pump --so nice). I did have my mom make Little Miss's bed with clean sheets for her to use while Little Miss and buddy made up their air mattress and I helped them. I help my mom make the bed after she pouted about it not already made up ( I guess she took it to mean that we didn't really want her there which we did we were just sick and hadn't had time yet)

But now that I understand her mothering language I feel more loved more mothered by her.

Which makes that she shared her best car ( in my opinion) with us while our vehicle is in the shop all that more special.

and the movie she rented from redbox for us ( her and me) to watch also on another visit same sickness.

She just speaks a different mothering language like a different love language.

I understand now.

Mothering isn't a myth for grown ups you sometimes just speak a different language.

I feel so much better now! not health wise but heart/loved wise.

[The Muse]

Came back to this thread because it jogged my memory...

I have asthma and I remember one summer I was having a really hard time coughing and wheezing. Instead of trying to find me relief, my mother put me in the bathtub to sleep at the farthest end of the house so I wouldn't keep her awake with my coughing. I must've been 5 or 6. She was a real sweetheart.

When I was 9, I went to live with my grandmother who would crucify me for using too many kleenex and come in and shove cough drops in my mouth and scold me if I was coughing in the middle of the night.

I'm sick right now and most definitely don't want to be mothered.

[Spider In The Bath]

I'm sick now and my hubby is "mothering" me. For me it just means that he is being more attentive and taking care of responsibilities by himself that we usually share. ...

We are in the same position at the moment.

I have ruptured my calf muscle so I am pretty much bed bound at the moment. I can now manage to get myself to the bathroom on my crutches, but that is about it. I will be off work for a considerable time.

However, I hate being mothered. He is great bringing me food and drinks and getting me into the shower etc. However, I am better at just being left alone and I hate being faffed over. We do joke though and occassionally I will hold out one hand limp-wristedly and allow him to pat it whilst saying "there, there, there"

[krbshappy71]

My mom calls. And Calls. And checks in the next morning too. If I asked for ANYTHING she would swoop in and do it but I don't ask because I prefer to be left alone when I'm sick except for the "checking in". So basically I don't want anyone to do anything but I want them to care enough to know they would.

My mom was the "bring chicken soup" mom, stay-at-home and set a lot of good examples for me with my kids which I carried on. Being poor as an adult with my kids I learned to "mother" creatively. We used TP the rest of the year for blowing noses but if you were sick you got the extra soft super soothing Kleenex tissues and other silly notions like that. That and waiting on you hand & foot, asking if there was anything needed, etc.

I don't need mom to swoop in, but I do love knowing she would.To me, that's mothering.

[Cricketlegs]

If I feel bad --say a bad bad sinus headache--I will often drop dd off at school and head for my Mama's house! I lay on her couch and sleep and she feeds me and makes me coffee and makes sure I am up to go get dd from school.

I do the same with mine when they are sick or upset.

That is mothering. It is when you are sick and you know she cares and she does things for you and lets you just be sick.

[pollypurebred39]

Been thinking on this

My Grandmother was an RN
My Grandfather an traveling herbal doctor among the reservation

My mother treated us kids like her Mother & Father treated their kids. Lots of remedies, steam from a vaporizer, vicks on the chest throughout the night, lots of temperature checks, and soup and hot tea. My Dad would give us a shot of blackberry brandy so we could sleep.

Now my Mom calls and checks on me, gives medical advice, brings remedies. After a very serious illness for which I was hospitalized, she came to my home everyday and made me a grilled cheese for lunch and helped me get to the bathroom. If I had asked her to stay she would have, I never would though.

DH's Mom does not have it in her to do that kind of thing. DH grew up in a yeah, you're sick. Here's some cough syrup now buck it up and go to school, everyone gets sick. Get on with life already kind of house.

Now when my DH is sick he is miserable, no one has ever been sicker in the world. Whine, Whine, Whine. I'm positive that has to do with the lack of babying he received during illnesses.

For my family I do exactly what was done for me, except I do not give my kids blackberry brandy. LOL!

[krbshappy71]

Did any of you try and take advantage of the mothering? I can honestly say that I didn't. I did 'tough it out' when appropriate, going to work or school with a mild cold, mild tummy issues if I could. So even though I was given the full treatment I can't say as I took over-advantage of it.

I feel bad for those who didn't get it. Its another form of showing love though, and not every shows it the same way. I will count that blessing towards my mom.

[monkeywrangler71]

No, its not just a fantasy, my mother 'mothers' me. She gives comforting words, warm hugs, and food, and takes over responsibilities that would normally be mine.

[McD]

When I was quarantined in an army hospital with my second round of chicken pox, it took my mom a bit to get to me, since I was in Texas and she was in Illinois. The minute she walked through that door in her protective gear, she crawled right into bed next to me. Didn't do much but just laid there and sat and talked with me. She must have realized that I was lonely.

I don't handle the pampering, lovey dovey, patting my arm type of stuff well. My mom knew that I was lonely, so she just crawled up there with me and gave me some girl time

To me, mothering is that intuitive way most moms have of knowing exactly what is wrong with their kids and what they need most.

[imagine]

No, its not just a fantasy, my mother 'mothers' me. She gives comforting words, warm hugs, and food, and takes over responsibilities that would normally be mine.

That is my mothering fantasy.

[shoiji]

For me it would mean someone bringing me soup, tea, and seeing if I needed anything. Also, someone to pickup after me and do the dishes.

Although I have more childhood memories of my father taking care of me when I was sick.

[mndtrp]

Mothering, to me, is simply someone else taking care of all duties around the house, allowing me to do nothing but recover. I don't want someone touching me, taking my temperature, anything like that, since it crosses the line into Smothering.

[Squidge]

For me, I think a big part of being 'mothered' is just having my illness acknowledged. Sometimes when I'm ill [read: every time I'm ill] I feel like I'm simply whining and feeling sorry for myself.

Knowing someone is taking it seriously and is attempting to understand how I feel is really comforting.