Avoid at all costs being like: ( Long)

[HappyMama]

My friend who bless her heart says " I believe"....


I love researching, learning new frugal things, sharing and stepping back and evaluating my life plan, and situation once in awhile to make sure I am on track. I know so many here do as well. That is why you are here. Kudos to you all for the hard work.

If any can learn from my friend and her story as sad as it is may you be blessed.

If you can add tips that will bless anyone here, help the hurting ones, or keep those of us who need a nudge to step back , reevaluate or stop the excuses please do.

My dear friend would say when shopping:

"I believe that there is no need to stock up on anything the store is down the street"

So.... she would use the extra money to treat herself, go out, and pay full price for everything when needed. Is that bad? Depends read the end of the story....

"I believe in not having a gift closet or buying my kids Christmas gifts all yr long, its too much work"

That is fine , her choice right? Then comes the end of the yr. she has no presents, no money and is sad. The problem is she made enough but didn't care to give up a few things, or budget a few things in order to set aside money. In the end her kids hurt or the friends and family who made less then her always had to make up the difference were out the money they could use to better their lives , family or retirement.


"I believe there is no need for budget categories or an emergency fund"

Fine her choice again. Except, she never had a grip on her plan or budget let alone how to implement anything so any car problem, any hot water heater was the end of the world. Tears for days , borrowing ( being given with no intent on paying back once again from family or friends who made less) to make that crises go away.


"I believe there is no reason to deprive myself of this you insert hers was a vacation, then manicures, new clothes etc"

Once again not my business her choice, but I was the silly one for pointing out she might want to look at where the money is coming from to do it and plan.

"I believe prices will be fine why stock up , worry or anything"

So she never knew unit prices, what she was paying for convenience vs making herself, or when her health suffered she never knew that she had the money to buy better with better choices.


See those of us who bought better were "richer" and lucky. It didn't matter that it takes me time to shop the way I do, make things from scratch, can , dehydrate, garden, buy in bulk or freeze produce in the summer when I could pay 1.00 a pound for tomatoes vs 4.00 a small jar .

It doesn't matter whether some of us made more or less then her we were rich, she never looked at the work because it was too hard, too much, too....whatever. Fine not everyone has the time or energy to do that. What works for one family won't work for another, dietary restrictions etc. but if you aren't willing to know prices, do some work then yes you will be "poor" in her mind because you aren't enjoying reaping the benefits of said work whether that is cooking from scratch , gardening or couponing which leaves you then eating a certain way she wasn't happy with.

But all she knew was her belief that we were rich and that was her excuse and crutch.

"I believe life is too hard"

So she never tried. I believe life is what you make of it. Make your own happiness, get hobbies, enjoy friends learn new things.

So is that bad she thinks that ? No, but she always needs entertained , trips, high cable, cell phone bills more wants vs needs.

"I believe it is a waste of time to OAMC , cook in bulk or use a Crockpot etc"

So meals are never ready and they go out to eat all the time, subs for lunch, pizza take out for dinner and the list goes on.

Is going out to dinner bad? No if you have the money, and your other obligations are pd , stimulating the economy and treating your self are great.

Now fast forward she lost her job, now her home her modifications was denied . The family and friends who always bailed her out didn't have the money and some the patience to bail her out again when they found out how far behind she was.

I love her, feel bad for her and will always be there for her. Her views on money are different then many here but she is a good person, just not good with money.

Don't be like this step back evaluate yearly where you are at, get a financial goal a family goal, work together, be resilient and innovative. Be creative and frugal and you will find a way that works for your individual or family situation to help you succeed. If you need tips they are here on this board, use them and be blessed.

[fairydana]

I believe I do NOT want to be in her shoes. So I shall keep moving forward.

[StaceyS]

My boyfriend has this mentality. He gets paid every two weeks, well he doesn't get paid til the 30th and he had to borrow $10 for gas today... Sigh. I just don't know how to teach him. He knows i have $$ in savings, however little it is, but i have that there for a specific purpose, not to bail him out all the time. Sorry. Didnt mean to steal your thread, but your friend sounds just like him.

[Ramona]

It must hurt your heart to see your friend blunder through life that way. It seems to me that she doesn't even realize what she's doing wrong, never mind take the steps necessary to fix her lifestyle. That's a sad and hopeless situation.

[Booklover]

Beautifully written! I think I will print this out and "accidentally" leave it for my sil. She is exactly like your friend, and if I know her, she will think this is about someone else, not her.

[OOwl]

My best friend is also just like this. I call him the "grasshopper" instead of the industrious ant. He makes ten times what I do but spends every dime he makes on toys, a house he cannot afford, dinners out, and Starbucks. Then, when some crisis comes up, he bemoans and whimpers about the "injustice" of life. Then he will ask to "borrow" money to meet his crisis. I feel bad if I say no but I SHOULDN'T. It's still difficult to watch someone you love suffer, whether they caused it themselves or not. Wish he would learn. Wish your friend would learn.

[chowder]

I know folks like that.I myself have learned there is no need to be going out and spending money for entertainment.I am a homebody.Everything I am interested in is at my home,because I put it there.I have a full day of things to do that I actually look forward to,without spending money.People come here and say wow I wish I had a place like this,its wonderful.
Being frugal and planning is something anyone can do,its all about priorities.

[cab54]

It's really too bad. I know sooooo many people like this.

[cheles2kids]

Being frugal and planning is something anyone can do, its all about priorities.

No truer words were spoken!

[Paws]

I know folks like that.I myself have learned there is no need to be going out and spending money for entertainment.I am a homebody.Everything I am interested in is at my home,because I put it there.I have a full day of things to do that I actually look forward to,without spending money.People come here and say wow I wish I had a place like this,its wonderful.
Being frugal and planning is something anyone can do,its all about priorities.

Exactly how I feel also.


I have a close friend who likes to tease me about my stockpile...I'm afraid she's going to be one of those that are left without when the stink hits the fan with the tremendous economical crisis on the horizon...
DH and I have discussed this also...I've no doubt she'll be over here looking for food...and there's no way I could turn my back on her and her family...young children would be involved...but I really wish I could get her to look a little forward...Makes me sad to think about...

Thanks for sharing your friend's story... She will be included in my prayers.

[klean163]

I have learned so much from FV and saved so much money.I to should make a copy of this for my sister. Thank you for sharing it with us.

[ravenmaniac]

I enjoyed reading your post. I am sorry you watch your friend suffer because of her beliefs.

I know people like her. They think every one else "gets all the breaks", and are "lucky".

My husband has trouble budgeting money. This past pay check was a good example but I will not bore any one with the details. Then he feels guilty because he over spent but tends to deflect the blame on other areas.

DH will do well with our plan, then he messes it up. It is frustrating and tiring.

I swear, there should be a support group for frugal people with spouses who are not frugal. Not to complain but for support to feel more in control, share tips, and not give up (or give in).

[Brat]

My daughter is just like that..I don't know how many times I have bailed her out..Now it has come to an end and I don't know how she will make it in life..It is hard to watch them fall but there comes a point when they money they have always got from you to go on is no longer there...

[krbshappy71]

"I believe" it was written about me, man did it hit home. So, so much of it rang true. Thank you. So, so much of it also rang true for a couple of people close to me as well, and I see how I bought into it all myself, and surrounded myself with people of that same thinking. Victims, the lot of us.

THANK YOU for taking the time to write that!!

[HappyMama]

Thank you everyone for your kind comments, and nomination for the post of the week.

Keep on doing what is best for your individual families, goals and be wise.

Blessings to you all.