I know I have a hot temper

[Cricketlegs]

I am going to ask some opinions because I think mine are being tempered by my anger.



I make burial gowns for infants born still born for 2 area hospitals. I make the gown, the blanket, and a bonnet for a girl or a cap for a boy.

They are very tiny, tie in front gowns since the babies are so tiny and delicate that they, the babies, need as little handling as possible. The clothes are sometimes buried with the baby but often Mom keeps them as they are babies first and last outfit layette.

I pay for all the materials and supplies. The time I spend is considerable but I am happy to do it if not for the babies but for the poor parents who can't find clothing to even bury their child.

The hospital does not sale them. I give them to the hospitals free of charge as a charitable contribution. No one is making money and I am the one who is "losing" money.

I started to make a few in white with little tiny purple flowers and some with little red cherries and some solid sky blue ones for the boys to get away from white and the occasional pink. They are just precious. I also add laces, buttons, ribbons and other tiny embellishments that are not cheap.

I even buy yarn and my mom has been crocheting the little baby blankets.

Well now it turns out the volunteer coordinator at one of the hospitals says she wants white, not really any lace and no colors or embellishments. The lady who got me started doing this has been doing it since 1998 said there were never any stipulations except that the open from the front which we do.

Now all of a sudden it seems my dresses are not what she wants. This is not from the hospital or the nurses or the parents--just the volunteer boss.

Wow I feel myself getting hot AGAIN

The more I think about it the madder I get. I am about to just quit the whole thing and tell my friend that my dress need to just go to regional and not to Good Shepard.

Who likes to be told their work isn't good enough??

Okay so should I just sew a stupid white dress with no embellishments that isn't even pretty? Should I do what I want and hope that the lady doesn't throw them away. Should I say, hang you, and just sew for the other hospital?

My mom already said she isn't making them anymore blankets.

I really would like some input...and an apple vodka martini!
ress

[Mamaw]

Wow! I am so sorry you are going through this. Let me say first that I think what you are doing is a wonderful service to the community and one which is sorely needed. I think I would ask the hospital if there is a logical reason why the request is being made for all white, etc. Have there been complaints or suggestions which are driving this request? I am thinking if there is a logical reason which is shared with you, it might make sense. If there is no reason other than this womans preference, by having to state that clearly she might see just how silly she is being. If she tells you it is her personal preference, perhaps you can gently let her know that your preference is to continue as you have been and that you hope your work will be a blessing to the parents who benefit. Let her know that you will no longer donate to her facility and also let the administration of the hospital know the situation. Once you take the emotion out of it, you can state your position quite nicely and remain polite and friendly. I would think that the hospital will very quickly decide that the stipulations suggested are not needed. I hope it all turns out well. Let us know and HUGS

[Ramona]

*hands you an appletini*

Drink, it's for medicinal purposes.

Feel calmer?

I realize your feelings are hurt, but it's not about you; it's about the babies. Who knows if this is the volunteer boss' personal opinion or a request of bereaved parents? It's not important.

I'd continue to sew for them, in plain white and embellish the burial gowns for the other hospital.

You are an angel on earth for caring so much.

[Barn Princess Tonya]

Why not make one or two plain ones and some embellished ones and let the parents 'go shopping' for whichever one they like? Would they go for that?

[bonnotsm9]

My smocking guild provides bereavement gowns for local hospitals. Different hospitals have different requests for what the parents want in gowns. I'd find out the reason for only white gowns, then make my decision from that info.

[Cricketlegs]

Okay I just had a phone call. It seems in all the years past we have never used the volunteer services but since one of us(there are 3 of us doing this) is a volunteer we just decided to just give them to volunteer services and not straight to neo natal.

So this woman is taking this on herself to decide what neo natal and the parents want.

The call I just got was good. We have decided to haul our dresses up there are reconnect with neo natal and by pass this lady who has never had any contact with us before.

The neo nurses have told us that they love our dresses more than another group that gives because the quality and design is better.

Next week we will reconnect and if there is a problem decide what to do then but I think all will be okay.

[craftypam]

God bless you for giving your time and money for a much needed service that is free to these parents going through one of the worst times of their life.

[daylily]

Yes, I would find out why the request is for plain white. Maybe it seems more "spiritual" to her?

Ok I posted this before I saw your last post. I'm glad it's turning out well!

[2ndGenGranola]

As someone who could feel the pain of my parents loss that was 8 years before I was born, may you receive many earthly and spiritual blessings for what you are doing.

It is great that you are bypassing this woman and going to neo-n. Parents have a "feel" for their babies personalities before they see them even if they never get to fully experience their personality. Some may have a little flower or little cherry personality even if it is only in the parents imagination.

[madjen]

I just wanted to say THANK YOU for what you're doing for the parents who lose an infant. (((HUGS)))

Definitely going to hug my 2 year old a little tighter tonight.

[Momto5RN]

i am glad to see it has somewhat resolved .
i wonder if this first and only outfit is also a baptismal outfit for the child and that is why.

i know in nursing school we were legally ( hmm well technically maybe better word ) allowed to baptize a still born - kind of in a non denominational way - we were taught as part of our OB training - but if the family is very religious they may request an actual all white outfit as is traditional for many baptisms .

i would offer both .

[Ceashels]

What a Blessing you are to those families. I'm glad you are reconnecting with the Neonatal Unit. I think you are handling it well and I recommend another appletini.

[Brat]

I want to say thank you for all your hard work in this..My daughter in an NICU nurse and it is even hard on them too. This is a wonderful thing to do for the familys.

[momof2joys]

What a fantastic way to donate your time and talents!! As a parent of two very healthy kids, I could never imagine what it would be like to lose a child so early, but as a parent I would want my son or daughter to have something on the gown/outfit, just a little something that makes it more personal!

I am happy to hear that you are going straight to the neo-natal unit, it's the nurses and parents of those infants that are going to be there, not the head of the the volunteers (or whatever her title is)! I think maybe you should make them they way you have been and have a few that are just plain white, cause it could have something to do with a religious backround, etc. Either way if you are doing a fantastic job and I would be proud of the job you are doing!! You are providing one of the unseen services no ones barely thinks about!!!

[Greebo]

Excellent job going around the person who decided to insert themselves and puff up their own sense of importance.