Home at last....

[Daisygirl]

I am so happy to be home. This has been an exhausting few days. I can't believe that my ex has caused such chaos, even by no longer being here.

First, please excuse my irreverence. If I don't laugh about this, I'll cry.

~ Disturbing Issue #1: Two girls, both named Shannon, both claimed to be his current girlfriend
~ Disturbing Issue #2: 7 ex girlfriends (not including the two above) showed up for the visitation.
~ Disturbing Issue #3: 6 large-chested women in frightening stilletos, claiming to be "co-workers" at the funeral
~ Disturbing Issue #4: His FB hacked today to state that he is "in a relationship" with one of the Shannons - difficult to manage 5 days after his death.
~ Disturbing Issue #5: A large-set woman all in purple who showed up at the visitation, sobbing. She introduced herself to me as his "customer" and contributed....are you sitting???? $5000 to the girls' trust fund.
~ Disturbing Issue #6: One of the Shannons had to be physically escorted from the family visitation.

This has been the strangest, most surreal week of my life. My X's family was extremely warm to me. My girls were amazing young ladies, so poised and graceful in the face of such a traumatic experience. The women were literally crawling out of the woodwork. It was like "Jerry Springer Hosts a Funeral."

Me? I just smiled and said, "It's so lovely that you could make it - your support means so much to the girls." I must have said it about a billion times, but it worked.

There is no money, no will, no nothing for the girls. The family, although I like them a lot, does not want the girls to go get their things from X's house until they "decide what to sell" to pay for the funeral. Not even their furniture and personal items. I'm not too happy about that. The kids don't know this yet.


Me being me, I swiped a key to his house. If it really gets awful I am taking them over there and getting their personal items at the very least. I refuse to sit here and watch while their things get picked over and doled out. As their mom, I will do what I must to make sure that the girls do not get taken advantage of. I truly hope that it doesn't rule out a future relationship with his family.

How is it that life all boils down to money?

Thank you all for your good wishes - I was not able to get online for several days - it was so warming to get home and read them all!

[craftypam]

You did a great job with all that you faced. I do think you should get your daughters things; if not how will they know what not to get rid of or give away.

[Daisygirl]

I do think you should get your daughters things; if not how will they know what not to get rid of or give away.

They said they wanted to decide what to sell first before the girls could get their things.

[Spirit Deer]

I'd be cautious about going into the ex's house. There may be legal ramifications since you're not married anymore and have been asked by the family not to go in there. I don't think you have a legal right to take anything from the house, but you may want to get some legal advice to find out what your rights or your children's rights really are in this situation. But the last thing you need now IMO is to have any legal problems even if you're trying to do the right thing for your daughters. IMO you'd be better off to try making a list of things that belong to your girls and ask that the family return them to you. Also brace yourself because you most likely won't get everything you ask for. You may have to decide if it's worth a drawn-out battle that destroys the family, or if you can just let it go and replace the stuff. Things can get really ugly when people start divvying up the possessions of the recently deceased.

Too funny about all the 'girlfriends'. Makes me wonder, but it's still funny. I'm glad you find it amusing, too. I think you handled it very well, and hopefully you won't have to have anymore to do with these mysterious people.

[starsapphire]

I am taking them over there and getting their personal items at the very least. Do this NOW I refuse to sit here and watch while their things get picked over and doled out. This is exactly what will happen if you wait As their mom, I will do what I must to make sure that the girls do not get taken advantage of. I truly hope that it doesn't rule out a future relationship with his family.

How is it that life all boils down to money?

Thank you all for your good wishes - I was not able to get online for several days - it was so warming to get home and read them all!

(((Hugs))) to you and your daughters.

[Michelle68]

Oh.My.Goodness....well, at least it would make for a good storyline, should you ever decide to become a writer. I'm right there with you on the laughing to keep from crying reaction. Aye,aye, aye.

[NikoSan999]

Well, at the risk of sounding cold....at least you weren't bored. His house must have been a circus...or something. At least the one daughter is out of there. And it definitely sounds like a good thing.
Yeah, I would have gotten a key too. Don't let anyone see you, take some bags, park down the street.

[monkeywrangler71]

They said they wanted to decide what to sell first before the girls could get their things.

Actually, the parents are the ones who don't have the right to take anything. If he died without a will (assuming he was in Ontario also), succession law determines who is entitled to his estate. The order is: spouse - children - parents - siblings - nephews/nieces - next of kin - crown. Without a spouse, the children inherit everything.

But, if there's nothing worth having anyway, you're probably best to just let it go.

[fernykins]

By law they are entitled to their stuff. The grandparents can't sell it. How long were you married? ?
Fern

[jas]

It sounds to me that the girls are the next of kin. The girls should be able to get thier personal belongings they are still here he is the one that is gone.

[Daisygirl]

Let me try and make sure I answer all the questions.

~ We were married for 7 years and have been divorced for almost 9.
~ The grandparents aren't trying to keep things - it is my X's sisters who are trying to do this because his parents paid for the entire funeral.
~ I'm only planning to take their clothing, stuffed animals and books. If they want to squabble of the WII or the furniture, they can have at it. I haven't the slightest interest in any more drama. The kids have some furniture items they want but if it is going to get ugly, I think I can persuade them to let those things go.
~ I have the written consent of the landlord to be in there - I got that right away, worrying that there could be trouble. I believe that could help if there were an issue.

Monkeywrangler - you have the BEST INFO!!! Thank you! And yes, he was also in Ontario.

I do believe there might be a Charlie Sheen-esque sitcom in this somewhere. And if you are cold, Niko, then so am I. The more I learn the happier I am that his influence is gone. Sheesh! The whole situation just reeks of insecurity on his part.

On another note: I took DD10 to the pediatrician on Monday. She was concerned that Dad could have had a disease that she could catch and she might die too. She also had a lot of questions and self blame. Our doctor was so wonderful. He checked both of our hearts and assured her that we are fine. He drew diagrams and spent 45 minutes talking to her. Some of what he said was so graphic I cringed but she took it all in without flinching. She asked:

Why was Daddy blue?
Why was his skin so cold?
Why did he make a gurgling noise?

He explained how CHF worked and said, basically the gurgling was because he drowned in his own blood. (Ick.) DD said, "I should hve woken him up when he made that noise". The doctor took both her hands and said, "Honey, I am a doctor and I could not have woken your daddy up. When he made that noise it was already too late for him to be woken. If I am a doctor and could not help him, what could you, a little girl have done?" Then he asked what she did when they found him. She replied that she called 911 and told them about his heart and his meds. The doctor then said, "So, you, a little girl, went and did the most effective thing, calling 911, while the grown-ups stood there and cried. I think that you will probably be a doctor like me, you are so brave and smart." They high fived and hugged and she left feeling like a different girl. I was so very impressed with him.

[nodmicks]

Daisy big hugs to your and your girls!!!

[Dancing Lotus]

Daisygirl- I know you have had a difficult time recently and you may not realize how awesome you are but you have really held it together. I'm proud of you and those girls are lucky to have you.

sounds to me like your ex knew time was running out so he decided to "live it up". Those things belong to your girls and they have a right to all of it first. Let them get their personal things asap and and they should each pick out a special memento of dads to keep. The rest of the stuff can go.

[Russ]

How is it that life all boils down to money?

Sorry about all the turmoil Daisy. I hope things improve over the coming days.

As for money, and I speak from experience, it does strange things to people. Greed is all I can say. Take a lesson from it and prepare your own will accordingly.

[Debbie-cat]

Wow, I am so sorry to had to go through that. Hugs to you and your girls.