I tired of hearing the phrase "I want"
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    Registered User imagine's Avatar
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    Unhappy I tired of hearing the phrase "I want"

    Not only am I tired of hearing "I want" but also it's sister "I don't want"

    My mom has been using this a bunch lately. And it is getting on my nerves.

    She needs two new tires. Goes to wal mart Tells them she only wants the tires nothing extra (since install is free) They say they have to charge for the X as the governement says they have too. She throws at fit about having to pay extra. "just because they make you pay it your going to make me pay it. I don't want to " they say they are required too. she gives in and says "Fine but nothing else"

    So the next day her new tires go flat when she comes to visit us. A nice neighbor comes from her town on the toll road ( where she got the flat) to but on her spare. By the time she gets to our town her other new tire is flat. She yells of Hubby to come air it up ( he was heading back to work after lunch) He tries to air it up but it won't hold air. So he tells her she needs to go to the tires shop to get it checked out.
    She throw a toddler fit and says "I don't want" to go to the tire shop I want you to just air it up. Hubby says he tired but it isn't holding air it would go flat before she got home and it would be unsafe. She replies "But I want you to just air it up and I want it to stay up" Hubby stand firm that it won't stay up and it would be unsafe. Hubby whispers to me to offer to pay for it as he thought this was quite out of character for her She declined.

    She give in and follows me to the tire shop. Where they told her that Walmart had not replaced the valve like they should have. She is angry with walmart. She wants walmart to pay her back for their mistake. When in reality Walmart had given her just what she asked quite forcefully for, what she wanted just the tires nothing else. sigh. Walmart didn't refund all the money just the cost for the parts they didn't replace. She thinks they should of paid for all her cost "since they caused it" including the expense for the nail in the tire of the old one they moved up front that hte tire shop found and replaced. She has turned it into her insurance because she wants the$40 she spent to fix all the tires.

    Later she mentions that she got a "bad girl" note from the bank that she had not used her debit card the required amount of time to get the higher interest rate. She marched right down there and said She didn't want to have to use the debit card but she still wanted the higher interest rate and she wanted them to give it to her.

    Later,I asked her about her finances she said she is fine. Will have enough into her 100s unless she has exuberant medical cost. She has not prescription meds. right now and only needs to go to check ups. She said she just didn't want to spend her money on that she only wants to spend her money on what she wants.

    My patience is lost and I'm now inpatient with the children when they use the word want Usually when they look in the fridge and can't find anything they want. or when they say the want to go out to eat.

    Although, Little Miss ( age 10) did throw her very first "toddler tantrum" in a store for something she wanted. A goodwill stuffed animal that didn't fit our rules (used stuffed animals have to be able to be washed this one required batteries) plus she didn't have enough money to buy it. Why oh why couldn't by children throw these fits when they were toddlers and you could carry them out of the store.

    My patience with the word want has been worn very thin.
    "Everyday as your walking down the street, everybody that you meet has an original point of view" -Arthur PBS

    Imagine - Wife of 20 years to Hubby
    Mom to Buddy (son 17) and Little Miss ( daughter 13)

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    So you want people to stop wanting because you don't want to hear it anymore?
    I saved 100% by buying nothing. Best sale of the year.

    Think for yourself, question everything.

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    Registered User imagine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Russ View Post
    So you want people to stop wanting because you don't want to hear it anymore?
    exactly!

    Actually I want the children (and maybe my mom too) to realize that it is okay to want. I want. But that sometimes you can't have what you want or have to spend money on things you don't want.

    And that fit throwing or being overly aggressive/mean is not a good way to handle those wants.

    Shouldn't an older woman already know this?
    "Everyday as your walking down the street, everybody that you meet has an original point of view" -Arthur PBS

    Imagine - Wife of 20 years to Hubby
    Mom to Buddy (son 17) and Little Miss ( daughter 13)

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    Registered User Cricketlegs's Avatar
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    I think if walmart forgot to complete the job they were paid to do then mom had the right to have her "fit" so to speak. She might have said she just wanted tires but when you pay for a service you should get all the service you pay for.

    What if her tires had gone flat and she had no one to help her? What if she had missed work or been stranded between a Texas Chainsaw massacre and A nightmare on elm street!
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    Registered User krbshappy71's Avatar
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    The word "need" grates on my nerves more. If one more person tells me they NEED something that isn't food water or shelter I'm gonna lose it.

    I want to stop wanting things, its not necessarily the wanting, its the feeling of entitlement that I wish I could lose!!! Is it the entitlement attitude that you're afraid you are seeing in the kids and in her?

    I really hate the entitlement feelings.
    "If you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, march down there and light it yourself."

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    Husband's debt to work on, mine is gone except car loan. w00t!

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    Registered User imagine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cricketlegs View Post
    I think if walmart forgot to complete the job they were paid to do then mom had the right to have her "fit" so to speak. She might have said she just wanted tires but when you pay for a service you should get all the service you pay for.

    What if her tires had gone flat and she had no one to help her? What if she had missed work or been stranded between a Texas Chainsaw massacre and A nightmare on elm street!
    I agree to a point.

    She got exactly want she paid for. She told them that she didn't want anything else but the tires. She told them very angrily and forcefully that was all she wanted. The inflate tubes were extra charge. She didn't want to pay any more

    I feel she put herself in this position by bullying the walmart tire guy with her traid and toddler fit. I'm surly sure that if he hadn't felt bullied he might have continued to explain what costs were involved and why they were needed. Walmart did give her the cost of the inflate tubes that she had replaced at the other tire shop. Even on the tires they didn't replace. They just wouldn't pay her back for the cost of fixing the nail in the tire of the tire they didn't not replace.

    Sometimes what you think you want really isn't want you need or what you wanted.

    By the way she doesn't work. She is retired. Someone will always come to help her. My father was a very nice man and everyone wants to help his widow. Although I feel if she keeps up these toddler fits they might become less willing to help her.
    "Everyday as your walking down the street, everybody that you meet has an original point of view" -Arthur PBS

    Imagine - Wife of 20 years to Hubby
    Mom to Buddy (son 17) and Little Miss ( daughter 13)

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    Registered User JanieD's Avatar
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    Well, here's another WANT statement... sorry but its important to my post. For me, I WANT to know that the work is complete whether it cost more than expected or not when it comes to repairs. Sure I'd like a fair price, but its more important to get it done right. Saves time & money IMO. I actually ask for "things" to be checked & to let me know if something else needs repairing. Guess that leads to larger repair bills, but I trust the mechanics I use.
    Actually, I'm a little surprised that this post is mostly about the OP's mother. The part about wanting to spend money only on the things she WANTS, not on NEEDS is quite sad. Really isn't spending on NEEDS something you learn as a child. Needs come first, then you can have a want or two if there's any money leftover.
    Can't say I feel Walmart is at fault. She demanded they only do X & they did. Think this should have been a lesson for her. Sometimes, you simply need to spend more than you want to avoid headaches in the future.
    Sorry you're dealing with the wants from your mom & kids. IMO It would be so frustrating trying to get an adult to understand something that should be so simple.
    Last edited by JanieD; 04-06-2011 at 12:18 PM.


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  8. #8
    Registered User imagine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by krbshappy71 View Post
    The word "need" grates on my nerves more. If one more person tells me they NEED something that isn't food water or shelter I'm gonna lose it.

    I want to stop wanting things, its not necessarily the wanting, its the feeling of entitlement that I wish I could lose!!! Is it the entitlement attitude that you're afraid you are seeing in the kids and in her?

    I really hate the entitlement feelings.
    hmm intersting thought.

    I hadn't thought about entitlement attitude. Wonder if that is what she is feeling. She did use the word need when she was talking about her cruise. All I know is I'm tired of the fits.

    I think that my children aren't really feeling entitled. They are just desiring. The children have started to not ask for things and if they do it is generally followed by or do you think it is to much money? Even with needs not just wants. That breaks my heart.
    "Everyday as your walking down the street, everybody that you meet has an original point of view" -Arthur PBS

    Imagine - Wife of 20 years to Hubby
    Mom to Buddy (son 17) and Little Miss ( daughter 13)

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    Registered User Cricketlegs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by imagine View Post
    I agree to a point.

    She got exactly want she paid for. She told them that she didn't want anything else but the tires. She told them very angrily and forcefully that was all she wanted. The inflate tubes were extra charge. She didn't want to pay any more

    I feel she put herself in this position by bullying the walmart tire guy with her traid and toddler fit. I'm surly sure that if he hadn't felt bullied he might have continued to explain what costs were involved and why they were needed. Walmart did give her the cost of the inflate tubes that she had replaced at the other tire shop. Even on the tires they didn't replace. They just wouldn't pay her back for the cost of fixing the nail in the tire of the tire they didn't not replace.

    Sometimes what you think you want really isn't want you need or what you wanted.

    By the way she doesn't work. She is retired. Someone will always come to help her. My father was a very nice man and everyone wants to help his widow. Although I feel if she keeps up these toddler fits they might become less willing to help her.
    Ohhh! I thought you meant the valves that keep the air in, as in they left something off. My apologies. I don't know much about cars lol!
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    Registered User imagine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cricketlegs View Post
    Ohhh! I thought you meant the valves that keep the air in, as in they left something off. My apologies. I don't know much about cars lol!
    Actually they were the valves you are thinking about. They didn't leave them off then just didn't put new ones one. The valves don't need to be replaced every time ( according to my tire guy) he just checks their condition and lets me know if they need to be replaced. Sometimes he says they are good sometimes he says they need replacing.

    They are a separate part and charged extra even at walmart. The price for the values at walmart was $2.
    "Everyday as your walking down the street, everybody that you meet has an original point of view" -Arthur PBS

    Imagine - Wife of 20 years to Hubby
    Mom to Buddy (son 17) and Little Miss ( daughter 13)

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    Registered User dcompton's Avatar
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    The thing that caught my attention was your husband's feeling that this was out of character for her. Has this started just recently? Could there be other things behind this than just cantankerousness? Just a thought.
    Donna

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    Registered User imagine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dcompton View Post
    The thing that caught my attention was your husband's feeling that this was out of character for her. Has this started just recently? Could there be other things behind this than just cantankerousness? Just a thought.
    I found it strange that he thought it was out of character. I felt it was so in character. I don't know if he just hadn't seen it.

    But since he was so concerned I checked up on it.

    It isn't money that seems fine. Her health seems fine. Anything else I'm missing?
    "Everyday as your walking down the street, everybody that you meet has an original point of view" -Arthur PBS

    Imagine - Wife of 20 years to Hubby
    Mom to Buddy (son 17) and Little Miss ( daughter 13)

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    I kind of understand where your mom was coming from; I've taken vehicles in to be fixed and they want to add alot of things that are not necessary and then the bill is twice as much. In my case it would be not knowing if what they were trying to sell me was important or not.

    Sometimes I think there is a fine line between paying for what is necessary and being taken advantage of. You wouldn't want to be around me either because my df taught me to not allow people to take advantage of me.

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    Registered User imagine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by craftypam View Post
    I kind of understand where your mom was coming from; I've taken vehicles in to be fixed and they want to add alot of things that are not necessary and then the bill is twice as much. In my case it would be not knowing if what they were trying to sell me was important or not.

    Sometimes I think there is a fine line between paying for what is necessary and being taken advantage of. You wouldn't want to be around me either because my df taught me to not allow people to take advantage of me.
    I wonder if the overly aggressive forcefulness like at the bank or Walmart is her feeling like someone is going to take advantage of her. I don't believe they are but maybe she feels she has to be aggressive so they don't. Sadly she is only hurting herself.

    My father also taught me to not get taken advantage of too. I believe that I do very well at this without being overly aggressive.
    "Everyday as your walking down the street, everybody that you meet has an original point of view" -Arthur PBS

    Imagine - Wife of 20 years to Hubby
    Mom to Buddy (son 17) and Little Miss ( daughter 13)

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    Is this normally her personality? If not, I'm going out on a limb here. I know you said your mom is in good health but maybe a checkup is in order? Sometimes mental faculties can deteriorate for many reasons and older people start to become cantankerous and unable to reason with. It's just a thought. I hope things get better for you.
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