Having to make a budget for my daughter.

**Wendy Mack** · 04-25-2011, 12:38 PM

Ok I just got it from my daughter cause I made a budget for her .. and she is very unhappy cause she will be working alot and not getting alot of money to have?? Ummm i explained that this amount was going to be taken out for this bill and this amount was going to be taken out for this bill and then she goes oh and don't forget this bill .. and wala.. any moneies over the bills were hers to do with as she wished.. she flipped cause she wouldn't have much to spend on i don't know what.... i mean her gas.. house... insurance ect is budgeded or taken care of by mom and dad... she has to come up with 50 dollars one week and then 81 the next to pay for her pickup and her fine that she got. That is all we are taking out of her paycheck at the moment for payments she owes us. IE .. we make the payments .. she pays us for what we paid... before we were letting her pay us directly or her bills and they weren't getting paid.. as we speak .. she is 2 and half payments behind on her pickup but because the pickup is in our name we have paid it. ughhh .. i know sucker written on me and my husband's head...

I told her .. umm i know you get paid every two weeks at your job at the gas station and most times its around 300 dollars .. so there is 150 a week... then she works for her father too and depending on how much she does for the trucking company she gets paid for that too. She just is flipping cause she never has any money... infact i checked today she has exactly 6.60 cents in her checking. Where did the 200 that she got last friday go? well the bank gave me a print out cause she was mad her debit card wouldn't work .. and its all to fast food places and gas stations usually for less than 10 dollars each but there are about 50 of them a week. She thinks we are being mean and taking all her money.. were as we are seeing it as we are making her be resposible and pay her bills.

**Greebo** · 04-25-2011, 12:40 PM

How old is your daughter?

**Wendy Mack** · 04-25-2011, 12:42 PM

She is 19 years old...still living at home .. taking college classes online and working one job at a gas station and another for her father.

**Wendy Mack** · 04-25-2011, 12:44 PM

Oh and she just called me and said the reason she was so upset was because she is trying to put back money to save to get her own place and this was going to pretty much stop that. ughh i went back on her sheet from her debit card.. she spent 40 dollars on fast food in one day .. 22 at a gaming place and 15.05 for gas. This is in one day!

**lovestolaugh** · 04-25-2011, 01:04 PM

Stay tough Mom. If she doesn't learn these lessons now from someone who cares about her, she will learn then later from people that don't. It's called tough love for a reason. She has no idea how cold the real world is once she steps outside your front door. I preach that to my kids ALL the time. Hopefully they are listening. You are doing the right thing by making her own up to her responsibilities. Someday, she WILL thank you for this lesson.

**FrabjousDay** · 04-25-2011, 01:08 PM

Did she participate in setting up the budget?

**Wendy Mack** · 04-25-2011, 01:10 PM

Yah I think thats what I was trying to see. She see it as us taking her money and we see it as making sure we get paid back for the bills we are paying for her out of our pockets. I know mom and dad is easier to deal with than the court house and the bank .. but come on we get upset when we don't get paid too.

**McD** · 04-25-2011, 01:14 PM

At 19 years old, she is more than capable of setting up her own budget. She's earning the money, she needs to figure out how to spend it, budget it, etc.

**Squidge** · 04-25-2011, 01:30 PM

I think she's reacting badly to the budget because she does not have ownership of it. Would it be possible to have her work with you in setting up her budget? I would imagine she is perfectly capable of doing this by herself, but I'm sure she would benefit from your advice and input so that next time round she'll have the knowledge and confidence to do it alone.

**Greebo** · 04-25-2011, 02:08 PM

Originally Posted by Wendy Mack

Oh and she just called me and said the reason she was so upset was because she is trying to put back money to save to get her own place and this was going to pretty much stop that. ughh i went back on her sheet from her debit card.. she spent 40 dollars on fast food in one day .. 22 at a gaming place and 15.05 for gas. This is in one day!

Are you pointing this out to her? That her frivolous spending doesn't eliminate her obligations?

Perhaps you need to micro manage less and simply set up a "late fee" penalty - if she's late paying you, you charge 5% of the amount due - and let her fall on her face once or twice.

Remember - Momma's don't let your babies grow up to be Greebo's (Teach them about money early)

**jas** · 04-25-2011, 02:33 PM

It seems that all her money is gone because she spends it all like you said at fast food places, gas stations ect. Not because you are wanting the truck payment and insurance payment.

If she does not like your budget set down with her or have her make one herself. The bills are the bills she has to pay them one way or another. Don't let her boo hoo that she was going to be saving to move out make you feel guilty about any of this. You know her income and outgo and there is probably no room for moving out at this time.

If she wants to drive she has to pay to do it like the rest of us. None of us likes to pay for insurance, gas, upkeep ect. That is just the cost of owning transportation. I know you know all of this but getting it through to a 19 year old is something else.

**Greebo** · 04-25-2011, 03:08 PM

So there's a truck that you've got a loan on and you're insisting she pay you for it, right?

So - let her miss a payment with you. Then repossess her truck. Take her keys from her when she isn't looking and move the truck somewhere out of sight. Tell her you repossessed the truck for her failure to pay - LET HER FALL DOWN in other words...

**imagine** · 04-25-2011, 03:18 PM

I think we all grumble and complain when we get financial consequences.

How many adults have you heard complain when they get their wages garnished? That is what you basically did, garnished her wages. She is trying to get you to back out of it the same as some adults do with those that garnish their wages.

Hopefully after she has tried to get out of it and blown off stream she will come around to the reality and learn her lesson.

Like others have said better to learn the lesson from you who love her than to learn it from those later who don't love her.

**heartofmine** · 04-25-2011, 03:25 PM

How does she think she is going to pay for her own place when she can't even pay those 3 bills on what little income she is making? Sounds like you need to sit down with her with printouts from the bank and let her see the numbers herself. She needs to be taking part in her own budget. I agree with others about if she doesn't make the payments her truck is "repossessed". At 19 it is time to be an adult and face the reality's of life.

**zakity** · 04-25-2011, 03:34 PM

I like Greebo's idea! Sounds like something that I would do.

You could show her your budget and then ask her to make one that she would prefer to do and that she could use yours as a "model" of a budget.