How do I help this friend?

**Greebo** · 06-13-2011, 08:21 AM

What kind of help do you believe is possible to give to someone who isn't really willing to help themselves?

**heartofmine** · 06-13-2011, 09:30 AM

JMO but I don't think any child needs to be living in that kind of situation so maybe its best if it is with the father for now. It sounds like she does need professional help but she's got to be willing to get it. Cleaning her house won't solve the problem. The problem is within her. All you can really do is be there and encourage her to get help.

**pollypurebred39** · 06-13-2011, 11:44 AM

Just clarifying.When I said intervene, I meant that he (the judge) would require her to get help for her depression. Her situation is not likely to improve without intervention. The child living with the Father and not the Mother only solves part of the problem in that child's life. It is highly unlikely that the judge would not allow for parental visitations and the child would be subject to that each time.

**daylily** · 06-13-2011, 01:56 PM

Having suffered from depression myself, I must say that she is probably unable to help herself at this time. She probably cannot make the required decisions needed to help herself. If some one could find out if professional help is available free or low cost and actually make an appointment, take her and make sure she sees the psychologist, etc., that would help her. Please understand that her decision-making capabilities are probably pretty low right now.

**brennasmom** · 06-13-2011, 02:17 PM

Agree with others. She has to want to make a change. It's really sad for her child

**ladykemma2** · 06-13-2011, 02:42 PM

has she been for a physical exam. iron deficiency anemia, thyroid, all sorts of things can make you sit on the couch.

a good friend would take her for a physical exam?????? maybe? make an appointment, just put her in the car and go.

**Paws** · 06-13-2011, 10:13 PM

Originally Posted by BlissMommy

Thank you everyone. I guess I just needed more voices telling me the obvious. She is on some kind of medication for depression, but I'm not sure what. I'm taking her next week to various area food banks, I hope that helps a bit.

If she's already being treated for depression with meds, is she also getting counseling?
Many times the meds aren't enough by themselves...counseling is necessary also. Her physician or therapist needs to critique her meds again to make sure she's getting the needed dosage...possibly needs a different Rx or stronger...

**krbshappy71** · 06-14-2011, 12:28 AM

If she starts to spiral and makes any sort of "ending my life" comments you can call the police. They can force her to be evaluated for self-harm by doctors. As drastic as that sounds, it can be a way for her to get help without you having to set it all up and risk her fighting against you trying to get her to a doctor.

Granted, she can just walk out afterwards but sometimes that can help people to realize the point of depression they reached. Also can show them that you ARE listening, you DO care, and you don't want anything to happen to her.

**BlissMommy** · 06-16-2011, 12:34 AM

The father is a really good guy and is only going for primary custody, because of the condition of the home. He wants her to have visitation and encourages her relationship with their son. She has always been like this, being clean has a little laziness attached to it. She is under a doctor's care, but not a therapists. She just told me she got a credit card to pay for everything she needs, but I'm just stunned. She has no source of income.

**greekislandgirl** · 06-16-2011, 02:32 AM

Thanks for the update. It's good to hear that the dad is a good guy and their son will be fine with him. I hope she gets better psychiatric care. It would be a shame for her to be just sent home with an Rx every time because it's easiest for the doctor. Maybe tell her that she should ask for a referral to a therapist. She may not know that she can/should do that.