I have spent all(vent & long)

[peanut]

Hmmm...I'm sorry you have to go through this. What kind of help was she wanting you to give? Money? And you sent her information instead?

As a mental health patient myself I understand that sometimes we go a bit whacky. But I also understand that a lot of people misinterpret what kind of help we really need. Yes, we need the meds. But mental illness is not just a physical illness. It's also spiritual and emotional. We need psychotherapy (sounds like she's finally going) and we need help dealing with the illness on a faith level of some sort.

We need to believe there's something greater than us out there, and that we have a purpose for being here, and it isn't to harm ourselves or others. We also need to know that people will accept us no matter what. BUT that doesn't mean accepting our bad behaviour. We need the distinction to be made - "I love you, but your behaviour s*cks right now." And it doesn't mean giving us money or whatever to support us. That is no love at all. That is creating a codependent relationship that is unhealthy for both of us. Instead we need to know a way to get the things we need affordable, or a place that can place us in a part-time job, should we need one.

I've always been very careful of this as a stay-at-home-wife with mental illness. I try to contribute to society as much as possible by volunteering. That way I at least earn my keep a bit. But it is a safe zone for me because if I get stressed I can always back out of my community commitments.

I actually suggest phoning her doctor or writing a letter explaining the situation as you experience it. Don't accuse her or say anything volatile. Just use simple "I" statements and stick to the facts. The doctors will be able to ferret out what's wrong. Though I have to admit, sometimes they too jump to conclusions. There's been many a time I've been more than happy to have DH in the doctor's office with me to straighten them out when they get on weird tangents about what they think I'm thinking.

Anyways, like I said, I'm sorry you have to go through this. I second Townsend and Cloud's book "Boundaries". Also, for her "the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" by Bourne, and "Beyond Anxiety and Phobia". Ultimately mental illness is based on fears and anxiety. Or causes them.

[mh3rdwheel]

Fern don't beat yourself up over this, you are a great mom and Aunt.I have been there, I lost my kids for 4 months., but I got them back.

Fern you are a wonderful mom.

[Dancing Lotus]

Fern , I have known you a long time via FV. You are a woman I can respect and as someone who struggles with boundaries myself I feel for you. I let people hurt me all the time thinking that I am helping them. Truth is, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. You have done all that any mother can do and you can NOT let her treat you like that. Big hugs and best wishes.

[fernykins]

Its not just money. I have spent hours on the phone talking to her and talking her down. I have told her I respect her and I love her. She has lost her children twice. First time when she had 1 boy and the second time when she had 2 boys. She wants me to take her kids. I did that once and I ended up in the hospital. With no one to take the boy. Thank God I had a friend who did. She wasn't taking her meds in the last year because her and bf wanted to try for a girl. She c-section and she had a very had time carrying boy #3. Born last Oct. she almost lost him 5 times and was hospitalized each time. Her mental stability wasn't there either. Her oldest has asperger syndrome and has been hospitalized 5 times in 3 years. He very violent at times. I will be a shoulder to cry on and have an ear to listen to her if she wants advise I'll give it if she don't I'll shut my trap. Thats all I can do.
Fern