I have spent all(vent & long)

**fernykins** · 06-16-2011, 04:04 AM

day being screamed at or cried to. My youngest girl(my niece who I raised ) is mentally ill. Her mother was a drunken drug addict. Did it all while carrying her and then while she was being nursed mommy was drinking and drugging. Then feed beer so she would sleep when mommy came down. Everything that has ever happened to her is my fault per her. So starting this morning she calls me up screaming and crying about her life. Its not my fault she has 3 kids one is special needs. Every time she gets a boyfriend she has to have a baby to help the relationship. It doesn't work Its my fault I won't take her kids. I can't who would watch them if I was put in the hospital. Her special needs one is having chest pains and her excuse of not taking him to the hospital is I can leave my house. I CAN"T do it. I can't do it I'm is Ca and shes in Tx. Its my fault I had my dil living with me 10 years ago. My son was in Korea. I'm surpose to kick my #3 son out and his family because she wants to move in so I can watch her kids. I won't do that. I have done almost everything to help her. I gave her money to move from IL to Tx. I gave her money to fix her car, to go to the dentist to by the new baby milk. and I paid for her to come out for 2 days when I asked her to wait until her son was out of school. Everything she has asked me to help with I have tried to do. I know it sounds like I don't care but I do. It makes me sick to be screamed at, to the point where I'm throwing up. I have told her that. She is so ungrateful for anything I have done. Her bf just called she was admitted to the hospital. I'm just so frustrated.
Fern

**frugalwarrior2** · 06-16-2011, 05:21 AM

First try to remember she is mentally ill,so she isn't rational.
To be honest I would do her 1 last favor and call social services. she is telling you she is incapable. I would worry that for everything she is telling you there are 2 more she isn't.
And yes DH's sister did her share of drugs as a teen. We have been guilty of not answering the phone a few times. Sometimes your full. KWIM?
Hugs.

**Demented Duck** · 06-16-2011, 05:26 AM

Just wanted to send a hug xx

**ilovechocolate** · 06-16-2011, 07:16 AM

You don't have to answer the phone. You don't have to talk to her. You don't have to put up with her verbal and emotional abuse.

**frugal-fannie** · 06-16-2011, 08:45 AM

There are some people who are toxic. There is a book called Boundaries. It may help you cope with certain people. It is not your fault. You do not need to be a codependent.

**shp1055** · 06-16-2011, 08:58 AM

I'm with Frannie; do yourself & those babies a favor and call social services. They are the ones that truly need the help.

**krbshappy71** · 06-16-2011, 09:48 AM

I'm sorry you are going through this. You don't have to. You have the power to stop the madness, its just hard to do so when its people we care about.

She's obviously reached the end of her rope and so have you, this vicious cycle isn't solving anything but making both of you sick. Step back, step away, and really look at what others have suggested: boundaries, social services, and perhaps counseling for yourself.

Hugs.

**shoiji** · 06-16-2011, 09:58 AM

Fern, I am sorry to hear you are going through this. It is good to hear she is in the hospital since it is obvious she is having an episode.

You have every right to hang up when she starts to rant and speak to you disrepectfully. Take care of yourself and remember that it is also her illness speaking.

**frugal is fun** · 06-16-2011, 10:10 AM

I'm so sorry Fern, it seems your plate just gets fuller and fuller.

No read advice, just sending hugs and prayers!

**Libby** · 06-16-2011, 10:49 AM

Fern *hugs* Maybe its time to 'cut the ties' and make her learn to fend for herself and deal with the reality she's placed herself into. She's always been able to 'manipulate' (for lack of a better term) someone and now its not working anymore and she's panicking. Be strong, if not for her but for both of you. Its OK to take a step back. You will not be seen as 'not helping'. You've done a lot to help and sometimes you can't always be the one to help. Focus on YOU right now, take time for yourself.

**IntlMom** · 06-16-2011, 11:11 AM

big hugs.......

**shortstack** · 06-16-2011, 11:21 AM

I have a relative who has similar issues. When she goes into a tailspin such as this I tell her in a very calm voice "You are not being kind and I am not to be treated this way. Call me back when you can treat me as I should be treated." She almost always calls or texts hours to days later with an apology.
When they begin to act out that way remember you are not the issue. You are usually the "safe person" who they take the anger of the real issue out on. They know you will be there for them no matter what and as a result treat you as they wouldn't treat other people.

((HUGS))

**KimZ** · 06-16-2011, 11:27 AM

Originally Posted by frugal-fannie

There are some people who are toxic. There is a book called Boundaries. It may help you cope with certain people. It is not your fault. You do not need to be a codependent.

1ST hugs Fern- I'm so sorry you are going through this

2nd FF which book? I have a problem with co-dependance with my mom! there are 4 or 5 books with the same dang title

**fernykins** · 06-16-2011, 11:45 AM

Well she left the hospital on her own last night walked home. Got into a fight with bf and his mother grabbed a knife. They called the police(I would have) she was taken back to the hospital. Should hold her for 72 hours. I can't and won't help her. Yes I know she's ill, she just wants me to take care of her and her kids. I can't do it. There are somedays that i don't get out of bed. I want peace. I was up half the night talking to her sister. Her sister has tried to help her to and it almost broke of her marriage. She is the only one of my kids that does it to me. Its the kids I worry about. The bf has them all and stopped going to school so he could take care of them. He tell me one story and she tells me a different I don't think I can believe much of what she says..... I can say no thats not the problem, I just don't want to bury another child.
Fern

**Ceashels** · 06-16-2011, 11:49 AM

many hugs to you. You have helped her all along and she just doesn't want to accept that she is responsible for her situation. No one will know if she ever will take on that responsibility either.

I would agree that the kids need support services whether it is removing them from their situation or providing in home support. It doesn't mean YOU are the only one to provide the assistance they need.

Blessings to you.