Rough weekend ahead for my daughters....

**Daisygirl** · 06-17-2011, 08:09 PM

This weekend is not just going to suck a little. It's going to MEGASUCK.

As most of you know, my ex-husband died in March. My girls found him. Tomorrow, finally, the family is laying his ashes to rest. This has been a pretty stressful week. I know tomorrow will be horrible for them all.

Then Sunday, of course, is Father's Day. None of us have Dads now, so that probably won't be a picnic either.

My youngest, DD10, is pretty resilient. She is going to be fine. Of course she is grieving but she's able to find the sunshine.

My oldest, turning 16 at the end of this month, is just miserable. I've managed to get her to counseling a couple of times, but its a fight every step of the way. She fights me about everything and tells me that when she turns 16 she does not have to listen to me anymore. She is actually looking into being "liberated" and made a legal adult. She is not fun to be around at all. She breaks my heart because I know, more than just being a bratty teen, she is hurting - agonizing. She loved her dad so much - he was the center of the universe to her.

I'd like to think of something pleasant, yet inexpensive, for Sunday. I don't want us all sitting around the house moping all day. DD15 has final exams starting Monday and I want to see her succeed.

Man, this is a rambling post. I guess, more than anything, pray for us and send us good energy.

**Debbie-cat** · 06-17-2011, 08:14 PM

Oh Daisy, prayers for you and the girls. Hugs.

**pollypurebred39** · 06-17-2011, 08:17 PM

Daisy, I know this may be hard to do, but do you think it would help your girls if you found a small way to honor their Father on Father's day? I'm not sure what that could be, but maybe it would help them.

I'll be keeping you and the girls in prayer.

**mauimagic** · 06-17-2011, 08:33 PM

Prayers, aloha and hugs for you all.

**starsapphire** · 06-17-2011, 08:35 PM

Hugs Daisy, I know it's not easy at all for you and your girls.

When I read your post I thought 'sounds like movie marathon day' for Sunday.

Rent some movies - something you'd all enjoy, some cheesy 50's/60's horror movies, or comedies. Or a Godzilla marathon! Something fun. Finger foods and popcorn. Just an idea.

Sending good vibes your way.

**Daisygirl** · 06-17-2011, 08:41 PM

Thank you for all the love.

Star Sapphire - good idea about the rentals - I was planning to avoid TV because of all the sappy commercials. They can be really depressing.

I'd be happy to do something to honor their dad. I always try to volunteer or donate in honor of my dad on his birthday and father's day. Their dad was not really a charitable person - when I brought up the idea a couple of weeks ago I was met with blank stares. The two are so totally opposite - it's hard to find something that both would appreciate.

Keep 'em coming - we'll get a day planned yet!

**Mrs K** · 06-17-2011, 09:31 PM

Will be sending positive energy your way!

Not sure if you have a yard but how about planting a tree? It would be a way for the girls to remember their dad.

Spa day at home? Painting toenails, manicures, etc...
Sipping lemonade or iced tea in fancy wine glaces...

Volunteering somewhere?

Hth

**Ramona** · 06-17-2011, 10:31 PM

Maybe buy three journals so you can each write down your best/funniest memories of your Dads?

**LuvMyHubby** · 06-18-2011, 08:25 AM

I like the ideas already thought of. It may be a bit late at this point for the weekend but what about volunteering at an animal shelter? Dog walking or kitty cuddling. Maybe at a soup kitchen or family homeless shelter or if the closest hospital will allow you to maybe bring something baked and visit the children's wing?

It could occupy their minds for that moment in time but maybe your oldest can see that others have struggles and that all in all she has a pretty good thing going and maybe living at home and having a mom who loves her isn't so bad after all.

Not so friendly to the environment but maybe releasing a few balloons in their dad's memory or as silly as it sound blowing bubbles and watching them go upward.

**Buckeye5** · 06-18-2011, 04:14 PM

so sorry, will be thinking and praying for all of you, maybe for something inexpensive, just do a picnic lunch somewhere, where there won;t be too many fathers around. what about a local pool?

**pollypurebred39** · 06-18-2011, 04:20 PM

I don't know about where you're at, but in the States there are many museums that have free admission on Sundays. Maybe you could do something like that and bring a picnic lunch (as suggested by Buckeye5) to eat in the park?

**mauimagic** · 06-18-2011, 04:39 PM

Just wondering how Saturday is going for you and the girls. Sending waves of aloha your way!!

**Daisygirl** · 06-18-2011, 07:39 PM

Thank you for the wonderful ideas and kind wishes. It means a lot.

The service was hard. My BIL played "Amazing Grace" on the bagpipes, which was beautiful. My little one sobbed her heart out, big one was very stiff and silent.

Afterwards there was a nice lunch at X's mom and dad's house. It feels so awkward being the only non-family member there, but you do what you have to do. Everyone was very warm - it's just my own feeling of wierdness.

My oldest had a fit and would not come home with me - she hardly spoke to me all day and stayed as far away from me as possible. Little one came home and went to a friend's birthday party. She wondered if that would be okay and I said "Absolutely!" Her dad loved it when they went to hang out with friends.

Now she's outside hanging out with our elderly neighbours. They love her to pieces. DD15 is not home but is supposed to be tonight. I love her but she is being such a pill.

I made the mistake of calling my mom for a bit of support later and all she did was tell me how the kids need a "clean break" from Dad's side of the family. *shaking head* Then she asked me how I thought SHE felt today. HUH???? Apparently she was upset today because she was all alone and I was spending time with my ex in laws. What a mistake that call was!

Anyhow, we have survived day one of "Weekend from H***" - gearing up for day two!

**mauimagic** · 06-18-2011, 07:42 PM

Mahalo for checking in. I am glad that the girls are doing what they need/want to do for now. Just to let you older DD especially, know that you love her and let her grieve the way she needs to. Wish you'd called me instead of your DM - KWIM?

Please know that we are still thinking of you.

**Debbie-cat** · 06-18-2011, 08:05 PM

Oh Daisy. Your older DD is having a difficult time grieving. Just know she takes it out on you because she loves you. You are her only strength left. I am glad you survived day one. Prayers and hugs for day two.