What do with a shopaholic hubby?

**tracergal007** · 06-27-2011, 03:35 PM

I've been married sixteen years to my husband,and during that time he's proven himself to be a compulsive shopaholic. He's addicted to games like Dungeons and (Dragons and Warhammer 40k and continually spends money we don't have on that stuff. He's done things like spend $800 dollars in one month on GI Joes, and then tell his family he needs to borrow money from them to pay for bounced check I wrote; I never bounced a check. He lied to cover himself. I've shut off his ebay account to stop him from shopping and he turned around and opened a new one in my name. When the packages arrived, he told me he had traded with some people off this trading site. (The site exists but it was another lie).

We got a preapproved credit card for $600 in the mail. He accepted it and the day he got it he swore it was for emergencies only. That same night he maxed it out buying the complete GI Joe comic book series.

Every pay day he now takes fifty to one hundred dollars and spends it on gaming stuff. If our daught or I want or need anything, we must ask him. We get no cash in hand.

The final straw was last week.We had paid off our only credit card remaining, a 500 dollar one. Once again, to be used in emergencies only. I, just on a hunch, checked the balance and discovered that yet again he'd maxed it out on toys, lying to me and hiding what he'd done. Whenever I try to talk calmly to him about money, saving, or anything like that he gets hostile and defensive. I flat out asked him if he was going to stop spending and his answer was, 'If there's something I want, I'm going to get it."

I've had to have two teeth pulled because he was too cheap to pay for them to be fixed correctly, and my daughter, who's an adult now but still living with us, has resorted to asking me or her boyfriend for things she needs.

I'm currently in my second term of university and trying to get done as quick as I can. I've looked for a job, as has my daughter, but in our rural area not much is hiring. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with his spending? I can't take much more of this, my daughter and I cutting corners and killing ourselves to save just to see him blow it all on toys for himself. Thank you.

**nodmicks** · 06-27-2011, 03:40 PM

I'm sorry! My only suggestion is marriage counciling. The lying is a serious issue as is the "he will have what he wants" at all expenses attitude.

**Nishu** · 06-27-2011, 03:48 PM

I think your husband needs professional counseling for his problems. I also think you should be lining up your ducks just in case you need to be out on your own. Get a credit monitoring service and check for any outstanding credit accounts in your name that you didn't know about. Close any joint credit accounts that have you're attached to. Even if it's not a credit card, you can still take a hit on your credit if he gets a debt in your name, so I'd be checking for anything at all that he might have put in your name and then closing it out. (the ebay one, as an example)

Good luck. You've got a serious problem here and at this point I think you should be trying to protect yourself first.

**Ceashels** · 06-27-2011, 04:26 PM

Your husband has a serious problem and I agree with him needing professional help. Is his behavior getting worse or have you simply hit your limit? You might want to find a group either in real life or online that can offer you support as you are not the only person going through this. It could help provide some clarity as to the illness and how it is manifesting in his life.

I also think you need to start squirreling away any and everything you can find so if you need to give him an ultimatum you have the ability to follow through on it. He is going to need something to open his eyes to the situation since I don't get that he thinks he has a problem yet.

hugs to you

**Contrary Housewife** · 06-27-2011, 04:30 PM

Stop using credit cards for emergencies. Put money into an account that he does not know about and use that instead. Close the CC accounts.

He needs counseling or therapy, but only after he admits to himself that he has a problem.

Sell his crap to pay bills. He probably doesn't even have a good idea of what he owns. You can use that same trading site or a secret ebay account to make some money back.