People are stubborn!

**mommy4ever** · 07-20-2011, 11:19 AM

I find it so sad that people don't get it!

I have a friend who is potentially going bankrupt. Her hubby makes $60/hr, they have a dinky rundown house, rundown because they can't afford to fix it up.

They can't rub 2 pennies together. She said it's because of their son, his meds are $340/mo. HUH? She just finished saying they have 100% prescription coverage, so at best is $5 per scrip they pay.

But she can't get rid of satellite - the kids NEED it. $90/mo
She needs the best internet - $90/mo
Iphone + black berry - $250/m0
Dance for dd - $220/mo
Dance competition fees - $100/mo average
Scrapbooking(she signed up for Stampin up for the discount, won't sell it) $400/3mo.
Brand new van - $450/2week
Gel nails - $60/3weeks

She showed up at my door stressed about money. We make less than 1/2 of what they do. So, there isn't alot of hand holding.

She asked what would I do. So I did. She didn't like it. Maybe I shouldn't have but I told her what I'd do, get rid of satellite, and use netflix. She whined then she won't get to watch her shows. HUH? She just finished saying there was nothing on anyway and netflix has lots the kids and her haven't seen. I'd down to basic internet, get rid of the data packages on the phones, but her hubby signed a contract on the blackberry. She said she needs the iphone for scheduling purposes, told her a $10 day timer would work just as well. Sell the van, get a used one. Discontinue the stampin up and nails... got a big whine on it(but it's the only thing I do for ME!it isn't that much). I suggest community dance instead of the competitive dance. She started to cry. I asked what is the issue with that, because her daughter would never get to compete if she left now. I asked her what is she going to do with dance? It's not a life long career, they are lucky to get 10 years, and very few are able to make it. She said it was because she hates to say they cant afford it, that she was told no alot when she was growing up(raised by single mom, who now has multiple properties that support her in retirement due to smart money management). Smoking - get on board to quit(she's talked about that the whole time I've known her).

She went to social services this month to get grocery vouchers and pay her utilities...

I laid it out for her.
If:
Cancelled satellite and use net flix - savings $82
Down grade to basic high speed - savings $30
Get rid of Iphone - Savings $125
Move to community league dance program - Savings $290
Drop Stampin up - savings $400/3 mo or $133 per mo.
Sell Van - Savings $900/mo + price of sale
Go to home manicure no Gel - Savings $60+ per month.
Limit take out to 1x per mo- savings $60/wk-$240

Total savings - $1860

BUt she said that is too hard. That $1860 would allow them to pay everything monthly, keep their loans from default, and put $300/mo in savings. (she's currently short $1500/mo).

BUT IT'S TOO HARD????wtf.

I don't judge we've had our own hardships and stupid moments, but we've learned! We have an EF now. I work with in a budget. I've learned how to save! Using coupons and sales, I dropped my grocery/h&B/home care from $1000 to $400-$500 since May. My kids are earning money, they have a flyer route. It's not alot of money, but they are earning it. DD14 is mowing lawns for a couple people for some money. DS is paying some of his own things. He buys his bus pass. While he's working he pays his cell phone($25). He buys his own snacks for munching.

Oh that is another things, there is a flyer route available in her area, no way will she consider it. It's beneath her. It would be a way for 2 of her kids to earn a little spending money. She has a 12yo that would be capable of earning money cutting neighbors lawns. But again, no, cause what would the neighbors think? That he is motivated, helpful and using some ingenuity to make his own money?

I didn't honey coat it. I told her how it was(she's that way with everyone else, so I thought I might get through to her that way). She didn't care to hear it. She cried that she just wished her son was normal then they wouldn't have these issues(he is adhd, odd - a handful, but it could be far far worse). But his meds aren't the problem, it's a scapegoat. I don't know if I should have said anything, but she asked. I haven't heard from her in awhile, she's stewing..lol. Maybe something will 'click'.

**OOwl** · 07-20-2011, 11:33 AM

I so sympathize with this conversation you had with your friend. My best friend used to be very, very wealthy and fell hard. He REFUSES to compromise his lifestyle AT ALL. His house is in foreclosure and he is in a bankruptcy but he was ordering a $5 Starbucks when I was talking to him this morning. Sigh. I've learned not to counsel anymore. He feels ENTITLED to his lifestyle (he also has an iPhone, gym membership, lawn service, expensive cable, a car payment and two more cars than he needs, and eats out several times a week). Now, I just listen.

**2ndGenGranola** · 07-20-2011, 11:38 AM

Yep. I've had one of those. They made 3x what we did at the time and she was wanting a handout. She can't give up her soda, her name brand bath products, her this, her that...yet she wanted my hubby to supply all the materials for her remodel. No way, no how!!

**shoiji** · 07-20-2011, 12:41 PM

You did the right thing by telling her how it is. Yes, it is difficult sometimes to realize you HAVE to do something you do not want to do because it is difficult.

Hopefully the light will go off in her head and she will start seeing that she needs to make changes.

Living a frugal lifestyle can be difficult at times to get used to. But it is overcoming all the obstacles that makes you stronger and feel more empowered when you have your finances in order.

To me she still sounds like the little girl who felt as if she never got what she wanted.

Hang in there.

**Cricketlegs** · 07-20-2011, 12:43 PM

I am really confused about the cost of the van. Why is it $900 a month????

Some of her stuff like satellite and cell phones are less than mine. I don't have dancing and I do my own nails but I do have a $250 a month allowance for whatever I want so I could do these things if I wanted within my budget.

Even if uncle sam is taking 50% of her dhs income there should still be $3000 left after this for the rest of the budget....

I wonder if her house note is large although you make it seem like a cheap home if it is in such disrepair. My modish 3 bedroom brick bath and a half double carport is under 1300 sq(tiny I know) is only $641 a month with insurance and escrow.

My dh makes just at $100,000 BEFORE taxes so not as well as her dh and we have usually $1000+ left after bills.

I am so confused about her budget....

**mommy4ever** · 07-20-2011, 12:55 PM

That isn't her whole budget, that is the not necessaries.

Look at $1200 for mortgage, $400 for power/water/sewage/gas, then they also have a $42000 consolidation loan(from last year...ughh). So there are more things, I was just looking at what she could cut. I'm sure there is more debt that she's too embarrassed to mention.

**Cricketlegs** · 07-20-2011, 12:58 PM

Originally Posted by mommy4ever

That isn't her whole budget, that is the not necessaries.

Look at $1200 for mortgage, $400 for power/water/sewage/gas, then they also have a $42000 consolidation loan(from last year...ughh). So there is more things, I was just looking at what she could cut.

Yes I figured because none of the regular bare bones living evpenses were listed and I know with what her dh makes at worst case there was still money there.

Wow $1200 to live in a dump. That is so sad.

Still can't figure out what world she lives in where a van cost $900 a month--is it a disability van or something? You mentioned she has a sick child.

**mommy4ever** · 07-20-2011, 01:12 PM

No, it isn't a specialty van. And expensive van with an expensive interest rate, their old van wasn't paid off so it got rolled into that loan. Due to less than stellar credit, and not taking time to shop around for a loan, she locked into a higher interest loan. This isn't the worst car payments I've heard of around here.

I laugh, we just bought a new to us van, $400. Not payments, ONE payment. Dh will need to do some work on it, but that's all it cost.

Oh, when they bought the house, she got it for a good price, but the debt was over-riding them a couple years later, she 'sold' it to her common law and they over doubled the mortgage, so they put in new windows throughout the house. But they wasted all the other money.

She does need to grow up. She has an attitude of entitlement. Yes, there wasn't alot of extra curricular activities for her. But who says they need to be top notch sports facilities. We have the kids to promote life long fitness. If it's cheap community league, then they can do ALOT.

Unfortunately her attitude may be something her kids struggle with too. Her kids would be fine with doing some community league stuff. I invited her kids to come try out the soccer camp, it would have been $25. for the younger one, $40 for the older, less $20 for more than 2 kids. But it wasn't good enough for her. It wasn't really a sports camp. My older kids were so tired from running, they had a blast. I told her about the program. They start playing soccer in August 2x a week, for $5/mo. This runs til October. Then they do out door ball hockey, $10 for the season. In December they start an outdoor hockey league for $10/season. She snubs her nose.

**Cricketlegs** · 07-20-2011, 01:34 PM

Her car payment is my dhs NEW 2011 silverado truck AND his NEW nitroz9 boat payments combined!

We are talking over $70,000 worth of truck and boat and still less than her one van payment!

Boggles the brain.

There comes a time when you just have to say NO!

**Greebo** · 07-20-2011, 01:39 PM

Next time if she asks "what would you do" you can just say, "You asked me before, I told you, you didn't want to hear it, so why should I tell you again?"

**mommy4ever** · 07-20-2011, 01:41 PM

yup, she justifies getting new because they can't afford bringing it to a mechanic... hmmm....

Let's see. If you end up need a new transmission on an older car.... $1500. It's not nearly as much as people seem to be afraid of. I look at it this way. The MOST expensive vehicle dh and I have purchased was $2500, we needed to fix it up for $1200. Other than oil changes we never needed another thing! So total cost was $3700 vs $36K on a brand new one. I don't know but the math speaks to me here. To me when the money isn't there, this was a smart choice. I ended up selling it a couple years later and made the money back. But she says it's too expensive to buy used....

I don't know about the logic.

**mommy4ever** · 07-20-2011, 01:48 PM

Greebo, I like your way of thinking!

LOL>. I can see steam coming from her ears.

Right now, I haven't heard from her since we had that talk, so she's likely cheesed at me... but I think I planted the seed.

Maybe something will change for them. Because if they managed their money, there should be MORE than enough to go around and pay bills.

There was one comment, I watched the sales and coupons and brought 4 big bags to the church mission, and she whined that I should be helping her....

I didn't say anything. I HAVE helped, I set her up with coupons, I've helped her go through the sales, make a shopping list, stack coupons. I spent a day with her doing that. She didn't stick to the list, she over spent. Then said she'll never do as good as I do(average savings of 65% over the day) because......

SHE DIDN'T STICK WITH THE LIST! She was here and there. over bought, over paid.

Ok..lol. Can you see I have a little frustration with her? I guess maybe best to let her be. She's digging her hole and wants everyone to dig her out.

I remember last year, she said he was getting a line of credit, SHE wanted it because she deserved it to fix up her house... shes got it, she spent it, but hte house wasn't fixed up.

Is it possible that some people never get it figured out?

**Greebo** · 07-20-2011, 01:57 PM

Originally Posted by mommy4ever

Is it possible that some people never get it figured out?

Some people never figure it out as long as someone else is there to protect them from having to (enabling).

Others do everything they can to pretend like they don't really know the truth.

**Ramona** · 07-20-2011, 02:00 PM

She's very comfortable with moaning and groaning and coming to you for ideas, it serves her purpose. She has an issue with saying "no" due to her deprived childhood? You won't be able to change that about her.

**bumplett** · 07-20-2011, 02:11 PM

Originally Posted by mommy4ever

I find it so sad that people don't get it!

I have a friend who is potentially going bankrupt. Her hubby makes $60/hr, they have a dinky rundown house, rundown because they can't afford to fix it up.

But she can't get rid of satellite - the kids NEED it. $90/mo
She needs the best internet - $90/mo
Iphone + black berry - $250/m0
Dance for dd - $220/mo
Dance competition fees - $100/mo average
Scrapbooking(she signed up for Stampin up for the discount, won't sell it) $400/3mo.
Brand new van - $450/2week
Gel nails - $60/3weeks

She went to social services this month to get grocery vouchers and pay her utilities...
.

WTH?????

Are you SERIOUS????

THIS made me fume. I think I blew a gasket in my head... there's smoke coming from my ears - and I think I have a nosebleed!

Soooo, I won't even touch the obvious points that you already covered, such as those that we, who make less than half that salary are sure to see...... but I take serious issue with STUPID sucking off the welfare system. It's NOT meant for STUPID, it's meant for those that NEED it. It's meant for those that run into hard times & NOT those that spend $60 on nails.