Today was a

**fernykins** · 07-27-2011, 02:01 AM

sad day. My baby would have been 26 today. Its a very sad day. I miss him so very much. I do appreciate all his friends that told me how much they miss him and wishing it had never happened. I have been told to get over his death. He's been gone 16 months. I have told them I will never get over it and I don't have too. On the up take my grandaughter was born today 4 years ago.
Fern

**mauimagic** · 07-27-2011, 02:22 AM

Fern, why would any tell you to get over it? I cannot believe that that much time has gone by, when it seems like just yesterday. Take care my friend. While I am so glad that you have wonderful memories, I wish he was here for you too.

**sinopa27** · 07-27-2011, 03:22 AM

the things people say. I can only think it is because they haven't been through what you are going through. I am so sorry for your loss. Praying for strength and comfort during this time! (((hugs)))

**greekislandgirl** · 07-27-2011, 07:22 AM

You don't have to get over it, that's just someone not knowing what to say to "make" you feel better, I'm sure. Watching my parents "deal with" their grief from the loss of their daughter, they didn't "get over" it, after 10 years now. They don't cry every day but they cry sometimes. They hold on to the wonderful memories, the happy images, and yes, the sad parts too. You'll always miss your son, and you'll always remember him, and the anniversary of the passing of a loved one is always hard, sad, tearful, lonely. Most people don't know what to say - then it seems like 95% of those say nothing, 4% say something nice, 1% say something stupid. No one understands other people's grief but we all feel like we're supposed to somehow. It's okay to be the only one who knows what YOU feel like, and it's okay for other people to admit they don't know what to say/do but that they care about you all the same, I wish more people knew this. *hugs*

**mh3rdwheel** · 07-27-2011, 07:39 AM

Fern it has been 20 years ago on the 19th of this month when my son died at 3 1/2 months, it does get easier, I still miss him a lot. I still cry when I think of him.

You are fortunate to have his friends be there for you. Sending

**nuisance26** · 07-27-2011, 07:55 AM

(((((((HUGS))))))))) Praying that God send you reasons to find joy through the sadness in this day and every day.~

**cab54** · 07-27-2011, 08:23 AM

WHO told you to get over his death?? Boy, that really makes me mad!

(for you, I mean)

I know the love of a mother for a son, and all I can say is.....I would avoid those people who say such things. I would NEVER get over it. I'm sure of that. And I feel so badly for you that you have to go through this on his birthday and holidays, etc.

You just go ahead and feel what you feel, Fern. And hugs from me!

**shoiji** · 07-27-2011, 09:31 AM

Sending you hugs and warm thoughts to help lift your heart.

**brennasmom** · 07-27-2011, 09:55 AM

Sending you hugs.

**Nishu** · 07-27-2011, 10:00 AM

I'm so sorry, Fern. To GIG and mh3rdwheel, too.

No advice, just hugs.

**Debbie-cat** · 07-27-2011, 10:26 AM

Hugs Fern. You don't have to get over it! I know I would never be able to either. I hope you find the strength to find the joy in the memories. Prayers sent to ease your heart.

**Libby** · 07-27-2011, 10:44 AM

Fern...May his memories continue to stay strong with your heart. NEVER get over it nor forget.

**fernykins** · 07-27-2011, 11:41 AM

Believe it or not one of the people was his father. No It wasn't said to try and make me feel better. His dad left me when I almost died. He didn't want to take care of me. His son had not talked to him in 6 years. It was said in out of meaness.
Fern

**many houseapes** · 07-27-2011, 11:43 AM

Oh Fern, I am so sorry that someone would say that to you....they should have had their brain in gear before they spoke. As time goes on, the pain will be less....but as a mother...you don't just "get over it". You carried your child, you held him, you watched him grow up, you have memories. You are so very blessed to be able to have that of him.....I never got to hold my daughter....we lost her 16 yrs ago. You don't have to "get over it" - it's part of who you are.

**Libby** · 07-27-2011, 11:53 AM

Originally Posted by fernykins

Believe it or not one of the people was his father. Fern

Fern - I'm suspecting your son's father has issues dealing with his death and this is his way of grieving. Some people are more vocal about it and thats what helps get them through vs others who choose to push it into the past to forget thus not having to re-live the pain and memories etc.

YOU go about as you need to, ignore him. Cherish the memories and milestones as needed. Celebrate each memory. The Chinese honour the dead by celebrating (for lack of a better word) the day their family member passed, as to NOT forget and show respect. You do as you feel necessary.