Can't stop crying....LONG POST!

[zakity]

**snort** Our law in Oregon doesn't state that the clothing has to be "sex" appropriate. I have threatened to get them dresses. **teehee** They aren't for sure if I really would or not.

[alotofgooddeals]

I understand that quote smashing it into little peices was probably out of frustration...however as my dad always told me never tell your kids something unless you are willing to follow through with it....I understand the frustration..but like someone said...selling it and using the money would be a better life lesson than having ones father break their xbox into a million peices because he couldnt control his frustration....not meant to be rude in anyway shape or form...dh sometimes in the past has said things like that and i have to explain to him that things need to be solved in another way...

smashing it doesnt help
make them sell it and use the money for your greenhouse

[fernykins]

Following rules, doing chores right teaches a child to do things to the best of their ability when they are out in the real world. I was considered a mean person by all my neighbors. All six of my kids had rules like do your homework as soon as they got home from school. They washed their own clothes from the time they were 14. They had to learn how to cook. They fought with their stepfather on the chores. He would dictate and I would work alone side them. When my #2 son got his girlfriend pg by the time his son was born he had a job and was taking care of him. When the time came he went o court and got total custody of both his boys they are 16 and 14 now. He also got custody of his infant son. All my children work hard. They all take care of their business. Rule and chores don't hurt them. It only makes them better people.
Fern

[Mojjo]

For some reason I think summer has been too long this year. My boys are driving me crazy too and I'm not even home with them all day. But they have started losing things and it seems to be helping. What will help even more is school this Wednesday.

[MissSeetonFan]

The last few comments reminds me of an article I read recently of a couple of 20-somethings and their lawyer dad who sued the ex-wife 15 years after the divorce for being a bad mother. She did things like gave a birthday card to the boy that he didn't like and it had no cash or check in it. She made the girl come home from a party at midnight and haggled over the price of party dresses.

http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/world/5...wsuit.html.csp

I don't think the kids in the story ever had anyone other than their mother who wasn't a big part of their life give them responsibilities and limits. When she did set limits (maybe she couldn't afford the same amount spent on dresses that her ex could), they resented it and eventually the lawsuit came up. The dad says he tried to talk them out of it. But if he really didn't want them to do it, he shouldn't have given them free legal support for the last 5 years.

Anyway, I think the FV'ers are doing things right. Setting rules and limits and rewards. You'll get through these issues with your sons and they'll later thank you for it.

[mommy4ever]

I totally agree with you..Dustin has all the chores for a week..My greenhouse door can be fixed with a few parts dh said..The x-box is put away (under my bed) until dh decides to give it back to him which could be month's..My kids do chores daily and your right I do need to go check to make sure it's done right..The older boy's are paying me for the roast even though they didn't go bad..A lesson learned I hope..I alway's preach to them that they have it made and in the real world is a whole lot worse so be thankful for what you have now..

The last few comments reminds me of an article I read recently of a couple of 20-somethings and their lawyer dad who sued the ex-wife 15 years after the divorce for being a bad mother. She did things like gave a birthday card to the boy that he didn't like and it had no cash or check in it. She made the girl come home from a party at midnight and haggled over the price of party dresses.

http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/world/5...wsuit.html.csp

I don't think the kids in the story ever had anyone other than their mother who wasn't a big part of their life give them responsibilities and limits. When she did set limits (maybe she couldn't afford the same amount spent on dresses that her ex could), they resented it and eventually the lawsuit came up. The dad says he tried to talk them out of it. But if he really didn't want them to do it, he shouldn't have given them free legal support for the last 5 years.

Anyway, I think the FV'ers are doing things right. Setting rules and limits and rewards. You'll get through these issues with your sons and they'll later thank you for it.

Wow, how silly is that?

[sinopa27]

big big big hug to you!!
looks like no xbox until behavior changes.

[mommy2krj]

Ahhhh teenagers. Aren't they fun?!?!

I'll take a gaggle of 2,3 & 4 year olds any day!!!!

My teenagers are right there with yours in the half a$$ed department full up with the attitude!

Although, thankfully with my 16 yr old daughter it is a bit more subtle. Rarely is there a yelling match or full disobedience. The 13 yr old though....there are times I just wish I could send him off to boarding school or something! It's crazy. He's doing school at home this year so I have some plans to teach him a few things and keep him very occupied to the point of near exhaustion....well, maybe not exhaustion but I am hoping to keep him good and busy!

I'm hoping some one on one time will ease things a bit. Crossing my fingers, anyway!

[mndtrp]

Have your son fix the greenhouse door, while your husband directs his actions. He'll have to take time off from the xbox, he'll hopefully recognize that actions have consequences, but he'll have some father/son time as well as learning something useful for later in life.

[HappyMama]

Sorry Brenda, been gone for awhile and catching up. So hope the door can be fixed agree with Mndtrp! Hugs to you! I know how important your green house is, your sweet home, and also how important your boys are to you. Hope they realize what fantastic parents they have, and all help you more.

[LuvMyHubby]

Brenda I'm sorry about your greenhouse door. But, it sounds like it can be repaired. I agree with the idea of having your son do the repair, while your husband over sees. Frankly, leaf raking season is almost upon us, I'd shove a rake in his hands and either see what business he can drum up to pay you for the materials that will be needed or call about ten of your closest neighbors and let them know that this year raking their yards will be done for free by your son. Glad that you took the game system away.

[crafty73]

Sorry to hear about your greenhouse door. As a mom to three 'adult' boys (22, 20 and 18 yrs) ahem..young men..nah, they are still boys as far as I am concerned. I can relate to where you are coming from....Here's what worked with me, take it or leave it.

Yelling or screaming doesn't work. Plain and simple. When we as adults, start screaming at our kids, we end up looking like kids ourselves having a tantrum. Teenages will 'shut down' and tune you out, or they will get defensive and in some cases even violent either towards us/peers/siblings/themselves etc. Respect is respect but the more we demand it, yell for it, scream for it, the less we will get it as parents. The louder the words, the weaker the cause. I also work in a jail for young offenders, some have committed extremely violent crimes (murder, assaults causing bodily harm, etc etc) and staff will agree, yelling, screaming or threatening kids (not necessarily with physical punishment but with things like taking away games/cars/etc) doesn't work when it comes to modifying behaviour. Until they own up to their own choices/behaviour, things will continue to get worse. Having your son sell the game to pay for damages will hit home more than just smashing it into a million pieces. Consequences definately need to be followed through on and its important to be consistent and not give in. If he's grounded for a month, then a month it is, stick to what you say you will do.
Once the yelling, screaming, blaming and defensive behaviour flares up on both sides (parents vs kids), the communication between both sides breaks down....and trust me, that's the worst thing that can happen in any family....actually talking things out, explaining without blaming (use "I" statements like "I felt really hurt when we found the door on the greenhouse was broken etc" Don't use statements like "You made me feel " or "it's all your fault" etc), how you felt/feel and actually allowing them to express their thoughts/feelings without any judgment is crucial if you want to establish any kind of rapport with teens. I've done 'talking circles' with my own teen boys, at first they were reluctant but they got into it. Everyone had a chance to speak without interuption and without any blame. Then we had to reach a consensus as to how to make restitution etc. May not work for other folks but it worked for us.

Just don't close down that bridge of communication with your kids, i'm sure you are a great mom. None of us are perfect, we're human and we make as many mistakes as our kids do...Also, if it takes however many yrs for a teen to dev. attitude/behaviour issues, don't expect changes overnight...baby steps.

Make him pay for the damages, sell the game if need be. Be cool, calm and collected....or turn on guilt and see if that works Once, my sons got into some trouble, it was some serious ca-ca....they thought b/c of it, that I, as would many other parents, would yell and flip out on them....Instead, in a hurt voice, I told them how disappointed I was in them... To this day, my 22 yr old says that hit home the hardest with him, more than any yelling could ever have done...they said the 'guilt' killed them and they learned their lesson lol Go figure.