Can't stop crying....LONG POST!

**brenda67** · 08-28-2011, 09:14 PM

I told my youngest son who is 14yrs old to go close the window vent in my greenhouse before the storm hit us 2 days ago ..he said sure so he when he came back in the house I asked him if he had also used the clip that makes sure it's secured he said yes I did....fast forward tonight my 2 older sons went out to lock my girls up (my chicken's) and noticed that my door was hanging off my greenhouse so I had my dh go out and check it and he comes back to tell me that the door is ruined and that whoever did the window vent last didn't..I immediately started screamijng at my son who tried to get out of it by saying I didn't tell him that..I know I told him and it's because he wanted to hurry up & get back in the house so he could play his x-box live game..I'm just heartbroken because there is a good chance that it will get ruined from all the high winds were having tonight..I DO NOT have the money to replace it after losing my job of 16yrs the money is just not there anymore

I truly love my Greenhouse it's my sanity,my therapy...My boy's lately have been doing things half a&&ed and I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff trying not to jump off..Just the other day I went downstairs to get something out of the fridge and the door was opened because my 2 oldest son's threw all the roast beef I had bought on sale (more than 1/2 off the price per pound) and the door wasn't shut all the way (they didn't want to help me and was mad when I asked....hence why I say half a&&ed job) I got lucky that I didn't lose everything like 7 roast,8 gallons of milk ect..I know things could be alot worse but I've had enough of all this crap.I also know it's because my dh works 6 days a week 14 to 16hrs a day so it's just me and them..Thanks for listening.

**Debbie-cat** · 08-28-2011, 09:20 PM

I am so sorry about your greenhouse. Personally, I would take away their xbox and games as punishment and not get it back until they start being more responsible. JMHO. Hugs to you. I hope it survives the storm.

**brenda67** · 08-28-2011, 09:45 PM

Originally Posted by Debbie-cat

I am so sorry about your greenhouse. Personally, I would take away their xbox and games as punishment and not get it back until they start being more responsible. JMHO. Hugs to you. I hope it survives the storm.

My dh already told Dustin that he was going to smash it into a million pieces if my greenhouse is ruined..

**nodmicks** · 08-28-2011, 09:55 PM

Hugs Brenda! I hope it is not ruined! I think your hubby and Deb are right on the mark. Hang in there.

**Libby** · 08-28-2011, 10:02 PM

I agree - some sort of punishment/disciplinary action is in order until their attitudes have been adjusted.

**zakity** · 08-28-2011, 10:08 PM

Sorry... All my guys have puberty brain right now. It doesn't make for a peaceful household.

And, yeah, the xbox would be gone. I would sell it to get money to replace the door.

**Momto5RN** · 08-28-2011, 10:08 PM

smashing it doesnt help
make them sell it and use the money for your greenhouse

**Momto5RN** · 08-28-2011, 10:09 PM

,oops you posted at same time i did lol

**nodmicks** · 08-28-2011, 10:10 PM

Originally Posted by Momto5RN

smashing it doesnt help
make them sell it and use the money for your greenhouse

We made our oldest do this to pay some restitution. BOY did he learn a hard lesson

**Spirit Deer** · 08-28-2011, 10:48 PM

Logical consequences. The logical thing is what's already been said, make him sell the game to pay for his irresponsible act (or non-act). If that's not enough money to pay the damages, then he needs to sell something else or get himself a paper route or something to pay the rest.

Sorry this happened. I hope it all works out. It sounds like your husband is on the same page with you in the discipline department, and that's HUGE.

**MissSeetonFan** · 08-28-2011, 10:57 PM

My kids are younger than yours but my husband just started a weird schedule where he works tons of hours too. I'm trying to find ways to break the insanity of just me and the kids for so long every day.

Is school starting up so you will both get a break from each other? Is there any way you and your husband could sit down in what little spare time you have to discuss rules and then set them out for the kids? He would have to back you up on everything. Maybe enlist another adult who comes around often (relative or friend) to help you enforce things so it is consistent no matter who is around. The kids should take over some of the workload for you. Chores etc, so you aren't so stressed. Then they won't be so stressed and angry with you all the time.

Punishments for things like ruining groceries or the greenhouse door should be there. I agree with the other posters about selling the X-Box if the greenhouse/door is ruined.

Good luck and I hope the greenhouse survived.

**brenda67** · 08-28-2011, 11:08 PM

Believe me when I say this if we didn't have that x-box my sanity would have been gone along time ago..like I said it's just me with the my boy's since my dh works so much it stops 50% off the fighting between a ALL TEENAGE house just by having that system..I totally focus myself 100% on my family and my boy's are very very spoiled..I did this to them now I'm paying the price for it! I don't hear the wind howling anymore so keeping my finger's crossed that the Greenhouse will be okay other than the broken door that my dh said he could fix..gotta love a hubby that can do just about anything..I'm hoping that my dh get's this job he applied for so he will be home by 5:00pm everyday instead of 9:00pm or later each night..I'm thinking my boy's are acting out because he's NEVER home and on weekends he only has Sunday off most weeks and both older boy's work every Sunday so they don't get to spend not even 6hrs with him..I'm not making excuses for them but I do think having their mom home 24/7 after working almost their whole lives has been a shock as my mil watched them all those years and let them do anything their heart's desired add in my dh not home and them having jobs and just getting their permit's is just as hard on them as it is me..KWIM? Thank's for letting me vent my fustration..Please pray that my dh get's this job so my boy's have their dad back.

**Neeley** · 08-28-2011, 11:22 PM

Brenda,

I am so sorry. I can seriously sympathize with you. My two went through a phase like your boys are going through. It took all I had not to go completely nuts. DS would half-a$$ do everything, had to be told numerous times before he would get up from the Xbox and do anything. DD developed selective hearing. I would just about have to scream just to get her to look up from whatever book she was reading.

Personally, I am not going to have DS or DD sell their items as a form of punishment. Nor am I going to throw out their items. I totally respect those who this works for, but I know it is not something I could do. When DS got too involved in his Xbox Live happenings and his chores or other responsibilities suffered, I took the power cord to the Xbox and sent it to work with DH. DH kept it in his office until DS showed signs of improvement. If I had kept the cord here, I would have given it back to him before his lesson had been learned.

It didn't happen overnight, but over time DS and DD began to show a little more care and resposibility. Little things like me not cleaning up their dirty clothes from their rooms, making them bring their dirty glasses out of their rooms, etc...If I told them to put their Powerade in the fridge at night for the following day's school or workout and they didn't, I didn't go behind them and do it. Instead, the next day they had a hot Powerade. If they didn't bring their glasses to the kitchen when I was washing, they either drank out of it dirty or they had to wash it themselves. If dirty clothes didn't make it to the laundry room, they either washed it themselves or wore stinky stuff. It only took a little stepping back on my part for them to step up a lot.

Trust me when I tell you it will get better.

Hugs for you! I will be thinking about you and praying your greenhouse suffers no damage.

**brenda67** · 08-28-2011, 11:29 PM

Originally Posted by MissSeetonFan

My kids are younger than yours but my husband just started a weird schedule where he works tons of hours too. I'm trying to find ways to break the insanity of just me and the kids for so long every day.

Is school starting up so you will both get a break from each other? Is there any way you and your husband could sit down in what little spare time you have to discuss rules and then set them out for the kids? He would have to back you up on everything. Maybe enlist another adult who comes around often (relative or friend) to help you enforce things so it is consistent no matter who is around. The kids should take over some of the workload for you. Chores etc, so you aren't so stressed. Then they won't be so stressed and angry with you all the time.

Punishments for things like ruining groceries or the greenhouse door should be there. I agree with the other posters about selling the X-Box if the greenhouse/door is ruined.

Good luck and I hope the greenhouse survived.

Thank you! To answer some of your question's..yes, my 14yr &16yr old will be starting school in 10 day's..

Yes, my dh and I have already talked about setting rules..however they don't listen to me all the time and I try not to get my dh upset as he is under a tremendrous sp? amount of stress from his job.so I try not to burden him with anything else..

I don't have any other role model that I trust.

Boy's do chores daily around our house..

My boy's know that DAD is their PUNISHMENT..I'm learning to share my problem's with my dh lately..

This will pass..I'm just alot more emotional lately which I think I might be premenopause sp?

**Beejay** · 08-29-2011, 12:03 AM

brenda67

Sending you a big HUG and a lot of sympathy!! My grandson, who will turn 17 next month, is driving my daughter CRAZY !!! Nothing really bad, just doing stupid, nonsensical stuff. When he is playing his X-Box games, he also seems to lose his hearing ! LOL. She has also threatened to throw all his game equipment out the window (several times). I must getting soft in my grandmotherly days, because I don't think I would take their games away; then they would REALLY drive you insane !! Be strong. This too shall pass.