Christmas Question....Need Advice

[acabin42]

DH and I have 4 children and their spouses, and also have 12 grand children (some acquired through marriage).

Here is my question...... We are both on disability and generally just have enough to get through month to month. Every year I have really worked hard to ensure ALL of these people get something for Christmas. The only thing is, I very rarely ever hear a thank you from them. One or two will, if I ask them if they recieved their packages, but never once offer a thanks on their own.

I am thinking seriously about just sending out Christmas cards this year and that's all. We really don't have the money to do alot. What do you all think? Am I being too harsh? (Also, they all live in different states than us, and we very seldom hear from them throughout the year (except for one).)

Please advise.

[Debbie-cat]

Send cards. There is nothing wrong with a well thought out card. If they have children of their own, they should realize how expensive it can be.

[Sophiasmama]

I agree with Debbiecat...Never in a million years would a present be expected by Us from my Parents...regardless of finances...a card is wonderful!

[brenda67]

Not even a thank You? I would NOT even waste a stamp on such heartless children and extended family! Sorry I'm really upset on how family can be so mean and unsensative to their own Mom & Dad/Gramma & Grampa..HUGS..JMHO...

[Ramona]

I say cards for everyone.

[Nishu]

My grandparents didn't usually give us presents. Please save your money and just send cards. The kids probably won't even notice.

[mamachop]

I would just send cards. If you're on a fixed income, I wouldn't worry about it. I have to say that after reading your post, I am a bit angry that you went out of your way to remember your children, their spouses, and your grandchildren, and didn't receive so much as a thank you from the majority of them. I'm just curious, did they get you anything or remember you in any way?

[Libby]

I vote with the cards as well. Maybe include a Christmas photo of you both just like when people have children and include either a pic of them or the entire family with a festive background. Who says it can't go both ways? You can pose at Walmart for $20 I believe, not sure how much the sitting fee is though. Their packages offer a lot of photos with a wide range of sizes. If you're handy enough, set the timer on your own digital camera and pay to get them printed up instead. There's plenty of free picture tinkering software out there.

I'd say go the gift route ONLY IF you're going to be spending the holidays together physically - as in, on the day of. I really wouldn't bend over backwards.

Even if there's no gift, its still nice to know that you were being thought about.

[madhen]

I used to make it a point to send cards and presents to all my friends and extended family, with the same results as you. I would send out 20 or so cards EVERY year, and never get a single card back. Not one. So, then I dropped down to just cards every year, and still no response. That was about fifteen years ago. One by one, I dropped each recipient off, first co-workers, then not sending to my cousins, but sending to my aunt/uncle with season's wishes to my cousins written within, then just to my mother (who, in her defense, doesn't write English well so probably was not comfortable writing an address to send me a card back).

Now, at Christmas, unless I'm participating in an FV card swap (!), I send one to my mother and one to my sister, and I typicallly get one from my sister. They come to my house for Christmas dinner, and my mother typically hand-carries a card back to me, with a sentiment that she has laboriously penned out, typically, just "I love you" or something else simple and heartfelt, and I that works for me. I don't bother to send cards to anyone else, and I don't feel slighted when I don't get cards from them.

If you feel you want to do something more than just a card, maybe a quick phone call to those who mean the most to you. The rest? If they don't acknowledge your gesture, then I'd say your gesture is not appreciated and is consequently unnecessary. I'm with brenda67 - save the stamps.

[Mokki]

I understand how you feel. Finances have been tight for us for a few years now, but we always give a little something to each child and their spouse. The year before last, two of them and their spouses were living far away and I shipped gifts, which cost another large amount. I didn't even get an acknowledgment that they got them, let alone a thank you. Then last year, we acted like it didn't even happen and continued to give, with similar results. This year I am seriously re-thinking how we handle this. It's nice to know we aren't the only ones.

[Lora88]

I would give them nothing but good wishes

[valerian]

I'd skip the gifts AND the cards! They don't sound like they appreciate anything and I'd save my money. You can't afford it.

[justpeachy92]

Our grandparents quit giving out individual Christmas presents years ago. My husbands grandparents stopped gifts to their grown children completely and to the grandkids/great-grandkids they send boxes of oranges from an orange grove in florida. It is a gift that every member in the family can enjoy. As for my grandma, she only sends something to the great-grandkids at christmas. She sends them each a christmas ornament, sometimes it is store bought, most often it is handmade. My kids love these ornaments and they each talk about the year they got such and such ornament as we decorate our tree. I think it is a great gift because as my kids leave the nest they will each have a box of ornaments to take with them for their christmas trees.

As for your question, I get the hurt of not feeling appreciated for what you do. However, I wouldn't punish the grandkids, I am assuming that they are still children. It isn't their fault if thier parents haven't taught them the importance of a thankyou.

[Sophia]

I personally think the cards are fine. It lets them know that you are thinking of them. I'm sorry they don't contact you. I talk to my parents everyday to ck on them. When my grandmother was a live I called her everyday also. I try to call my husbands parents everyday too to make sure they are ok. Hugs to you TC

[shoiji]

I think the card is enough. Your family must know your financial situation and should understand.