Confession of a (reforming) big hearted idiot (long)

**Debbie-cat** · 09-20-2011, 09:51 PM

Awful situation. I agree with the others in not giving any money. There is a fine line between helping and being an enabler. I feel bad for the kids since they are caught in a situation out of their control. Shelf stable foods might help but then doesn't that just give the wife a reason to spend even more money on what she wants since she doesn't have to buy the food that you provided? This might sound mean but I think they have to hit rock bottom to realize what they need to do. Provide for the children. Sad case all around and you are such a sweetheart for wanting to help so much. I hope it all works out. Hugs

**mommy2krj** · 09-21-2011, 01:32 AM

That sounds like a terrible situation and you sound like a wonderful friend. I wouldn't beat yourself up too much...it's hard to see a person change like that.

One thing I am curious about. If the kids get SSI (or whatever it's called) with the situation they are in couldn't you report the wife using the money inappropriately?

I don't know exactly what that would do or if it could be proven but they are living in a motel...so something obviously isn't right.

Even if they just investigated...maybe that would "scare her straight"?

Hugs to you. Not a nice situation at all.

**Lynnwantstosave$$** · 09-21-2011, 01:45 AM

I once stayed at a motel 6 for 3 weeks before we got our apt and they have a time limit. I am not sure if it same rule for all of them, but this one had a limit of a month. Just wanted to let you know. What a horrible situation for your friend. That sounds so scary to me.Those poor children have got to be shell shocked, wondering what happened to their lives.

**rickysforever** · 09-21-2011, 02:16 AM

you are not a idiot at all, it's the best thing you can do for them

**Ceashels** · 09-21-2011, 08:01 AM

Hugs to you for having such a caring heart for your friend. I think taking her for coffee or taking coffee to her would do wonders to her spirit and a good heart to heart talk with her about how she can regain control of the finances since it has only been since her marriage that things have spiraled out of control.

I'm sure she knows what has happened and is ashamed of the current situation and circumstances but having a plan to get back on top of things is the only way it can ever happen.

Blessed Be

**Booklover** · 09-21-2011, 09:52 AM

Around here the schools are always sending home flyers on whom to contact if you become homeless. Perhaps she needs to start being honest with the schools so the kids at least can get the free breakfasts and lunches, and any fees waived. Then at least they will be aware and most likely make appropriate phone calls if needed.

You have done everything to help them get over a rough patch, but this sounds like more. Much deeper than a bump in the road of life. Depression, mental illness setting in, ????

Those poor kids.

**krbshappy71** · 09-21-2011, 02:20 PM

I was thinking the same thing. Handing over your finances to someone who clearly mishandles money sounded like escapist behavior. With special needs kids I am guessing overwhelmed before the marriage, handing over the bills was less burden. OOPS to the situation but she really has to step back and see it for what it is. Grab the reigns back from the wife and move forward. Not divorce necessarily but take back control of her kid's money.

Be careful with helping the kids, as well, sorry to say this but sometimes when people know their kids are ok (clothes, food, shelter) they then don't have motivation to push any further themselves. If she is not taking care of the kids, guess what, social services needs to step in, not you, she is not afraid of you, you offer no motivation to change.