Is it wrong to have own acct?

**lovestolaugh** · 10-07-2011, 10:36 AM

Okay, here it is. My dh and I have always had combined accts since we got married. I have always been of the opinion that married people should share everything good and bad but lately I have had this desire to set up my own personal savings acct. I don't know if it's because I'm hitting 40 and my kids are almost grown and out of the house or if it's watching my close friends going through divorce and seeing how hard it is for single women to make it out there. I don't want to be dependent on allimony/child support if my dh or I decide to divorce. Not that we are having problems or anything but you just never know. People surprise me daily. How well do you really know someone? Anyways, I was wondering if any of you have your own "rainy day" savings and if you do, how do you hide it?

Thanks FB friends!

**Paws** · 10-07-2011, 10:52 AM

My DH and I have no plans to divorce either, but I have my own checking and savings acct...AND we have our joint that's considered our "main" account...and yes, he knows about my acct. Actually, if something happens to me, he can access this account...but he knows it's to get split between the kiddos.
Now I'm not saying it's got a huge amount of money in there...not being 'shady' or secretive about when I make a deposit in it...I even tell him when I do and if I think about it, I'll tell him how much...but honestly, he doesn't seem to care that I have it. Sheesh, I love that man.

Btw, we've had both these accounts since we've been married.

**peanut** · 10-07-2011, 11:00 AM

DH and I have separate and joint accounts. we each have 'allowances' too. He keeps his and does whatever he wants with it. I keep mine and do whatever I want with it. The big deciding factor for us was the inheritance from my mother. I kept it in my name, after spending a lot on fixing up the house.

DH was a bit peeved about me having that money in my name, but he's come to realize it is a good thing for me. It assures me that if anything happens to us as a couple, I have something put away. I am a mental health patient and the divorce rate for them is over 80%. So yeah, I'm careful that way.

**Greebo** · 10-07-2011, 11:02 AM

Originally Posted by lovestolaugh

Okay, here it is. My dh and I have always had combined accts since we got married. I have always been of the opinion that married people should share everything good and bad but lately I have had this desire to set up my own personal savings acct. I don't know if it's because I'm hitting 40 and my kids are almost grown and out of the house or if it's watching my close friends going through divorce and seeing how hard it is for single women to make it out there. I don't want to be dependent on allimony/child support if my dh or I decide to divorce. Not that we are having problems or anything but you just never know. People surprise me daily. How well do you really know someone? Anyways, I was wondering if any of you have your own "rainy day" savings and if you do, how do you hide it?

Is it wrong?

No.

But your presentation of the doubt indicates that there's something more at play here. My impression is that you seem to be experiencing a loss of trust in you husband simply on the grounds that other people have been surprised.

Now one caveat - HIDING such an account would be wrong - it would be akin to financial infidelity. Cea and I have our own money (blow money) and she happens to save it, storing it in her drawer, but if she wanted a bank account for it, I'd be fine with that. I'd (or she'd) have a bigger problem if I (or she) found out that she (or I) had a secret account I (or she) didn't know about - indicating a serious problem in our mutual trust.

**Ceashels** · 10-07-2011, 11:09 AM

I agree with Greebo. I do have my blow money stash in my drawer and it can get pretty big as I save for things. My last purchase was a dehydrator and it took out a big chunk. But if I have no planned purchases and find my money just sitting, it might as well be in an account...

though I do like to keep cash in the house if there are emergencies where getting to a bank is not an option.

**Greebo** · 10-07-2011, 11:35 AM

Originally Posted by Ceashels

I agree with Greebo. I do have my blow money stash in my drawer and it can get pretty big as I save for things. My last purchase was a dehydrator and it took out a big chunk. But if I have no planned purchases and find my money just sitting, it might as well be in an account...

I told you, that should have been a "household" purchase. Your blow money should be for FUN!

**monkeywrangler71** · 10-07-2011, 12:19 PM

Having is fine, hiding is not.

**wanderinggrandma** · 10-07-2011, 12:28 PM

I have credit established in my name and have since my first job many many moons ago. I also have a savings account in my name. Not tons of money in it but enough to keep the wolves from the door if ever needed. DH uknows about this and doesn't care. DH is a cash in the drawer type, which is fine with me. That cash in the drawer has been handy on more than one occasion.

I think the important issue to think about appears to be why you feel the need to hide the account from dh.

**Telephus44** · 10-07-2011, 04:34 PM

We also do his, hers, and ours accounts so we each have our own savings accounts as well. I don't go out of my way to "hide" my savings account balance from DH, but I don't bring it up at budget meetings, either. I honestly have no idea how much is in his savings account, either.

I don't think it's wrong to have your own account, but it seems like you're looking for some kind of financial safety blanket that isn't your DH. Do you think maybe getting a job and having your own income would help you feel more secure? That might be a better solution (not sure if you already work, if so this is kind of a mute point).

**Uniwolf** · 10-07-2011, 05:52 PM

Someone else said and have to agree, haveing not a problem, hiding the fact that you have a money "stash" is a problem. Hubs knows that I stash money always have. It has been a life saver on more than one occasion. Lol, there are times when I don't even know what I have stashed away. I have a bad habit of putting a little here and a little there. Anytime we move Rick goes through and checks drawers and closet shelves to see if I have forgotten some (yep I have on occasion, hey I am only 5' 1" and the shelves in closets are way higher than that, what can I say). But bottom line if you are feeling that you need to hide it, there may be something else that you either are thinking or suspecting. Best to face those issues first and head on, IMO.
Good luck with what ever you decide.

**Hannahski** · 10-07-2011, 06:03 PM

I've always had my own checking account. I don't want to feel I have to ask permission to buy something I want/need. We also have joint accounts for the household needs. I don't ever want to have to justify my Yankee Candle addiction to anyone.

My checking account came from part-time work, and an inheiritance.

**Hannahski** · 10-07-2011, 06:05 PM

Forgot to add that my checking account is out in the open. I don't feel the need to hide that. If I felt uncomfortable in our relationship though I can't say I would'nt put a little aside quietly.

Hannah

**peanut** · 10-07-2011, 06:35 PM

Originally Posted by Uniwolf

Lol, there are times when I don't even know what I have stashed away. I have a bad habit of putting a little here and a little there.

My purse and pockets are like this. Every now and then I have to clean them out to see what I have! Extra cash goes into my Christmas envelope or the Sinking Fund, which actually keeps us afloat when the unexpected comes up.

**Contrary Housewife** · 10-07-2011, 07:36 PM

I think every married woman should have a personal account as a safety net. When I got married I kept the accounts I had as a single woman. I put money into them. They are not exactly a secret, but I don't go out of my way to bring it up in budget discussions.

**annymoll** · 10-07-2011, 09:11 PM

I think every married man and every married woman should have their own accounts, just in case.I do not believe they should be hidden. Would you be concerned about your husband squirreling money away(hiding) in case of divorce without your knowledge? I would.