are you treated like you're poor?

**Laney** · 10-12-2011, 08:36 AM

Does anyone here ever experience other people or even family members treating you like you are poor because you choose not to spend every dime and penny you have? is it that hard for other people to understand that you don't care how big the Jones' house is, you are content with where you are?

**Starlight9803** · 10-12-2011, 08:44 AM

I have a few people in my life like this. I usually just avoid them lol. They aren't really mean about it or anything, but they don't understand why I have used furniture and drive a 20 year old car. Heck, I could afford new if I really had to, I just don't WANT to, that is the part they don't seem to get. I figure if what I have does what I need it to do, why go buy something just to say I have a "new" or "better" one?

**OOwl** · 10-12-2011, 08:44 AM

Sort of. Two years ago, my now husband and I got married, and we each had a nice, 3-2-2 brick home, both paid for, but with yards too small for our combined dogs. So, we sold one house and went house shopping with the proceeds from that one property. All our family and friends thought we should buy something TWICE as nice (and large) as we both had (and more than twice as expensive, because "we could afford it"). Well, we purchased a new house, about the same size as my husband's house we sold, with a yard more than twice the size (JUST what we needed). I LOVE the house. It's cozy and comfortable and has no mortgage. Friends are ASTOUNDED that I'd be comfortable in such a "cottage" when I COULD of purchased a bigger, "nicer" house. So, some people ASSUME we're having financial troubles. I'm finding that that is okay because people are asking to borrow money less and less now.

Oh, and we kept that second house for a rental property. . . .

**Russ** · 10-12-2011, 08:56 AM

Nope. Because I have made it very clear that I care more about getting out of debt than I care about keeping up with the latest gadgets, going on the family vacations, dinners.. etc etc etc.

They don't get the debt free thing and I can not make them. In 7 years, they will wish they were in my shoes.

**Handy Andy** · 10-12-2011, 09:10 AM

Sometimes. Actually DH's mom is the worst with this. She doesn't get why two working professionals don't want to eat out or vacation all the time or buy new furniture. Um, because we don't? We are paying off debt and saving for investments. I hate how she is always prying and asking questions about how much money we make and what we own and how much is left on my student loans. Um, none of your business....

And Xmas is actually just painful. We get a list from Dh's parents and sister/bil every thanksgiving about what they want for Xmas. I told them a few years ago I am not that into it and we are only doing two or three gifts per person. You would've thought I was the Grinch that stole Xmas....seriously. This is mainly bc I refuse to do all the shopping/wrapping myself and Dh just won't do ANY it, even though it is his family. The year I refused to wrap by myself we showed up with things wrapped in grocery bags, bc that is how he wraps things. Then the day was spent lecturing us about how we are lazy, blah, blah, blah. I actually dread Xmas bc of this

**gapeach** · 10-12-2011, 09:44 AM

I was able to change from full time hours to part time hours several years ago. When people ask me what I do and I tell them I only work part time, you would think I was the laziest person in the world! In most cases, their attitude changes towards me. But I just laugh, while they're working to pay off all their debt I'm able to help others by volunteering my time to various organizations.

**Josephhgoins** · 10-12-2011, 09:46 AM

My family gives me the opposite issue. They believe that as I don't spend every penny I make and am making an effort to get rid of the debt that I have, then I must have plenty on money. They often ask for a "loan" which wouldn't be paid back. I get this from them all the time, no matter what.

it's gotten to the point that I don't share my news with anyone other than FV here as I know someone will call with their hand out.

I wish they did treat me more like I was broke, then at elast I would have to worry about constantly saying "not just no, but HELL NO!"

**nodmicks** · 10-12-2011, 09:49 AM

Nope~ seriously we kicked all the negative people to the curb! Some think we have way more than we actually do once they hear whom dh works for and realize I work part time. Lets see I can't do my job full time any longer and Dh is not making almost $90,000 like many people seem to think! I can't understand why anyone thinks that anyways we live in a non fancy hobby farm. We have 1 nice car and two beaters. Nothing that screams $!

**Sophiasmama** · 10-12-2011, 09:53 AM

People don't think we are poor...just attentive with our money. We live in the same house we bought making 1/3 the income we have now...but a house is just a house...we are not defined by where we live,what we, wear, and what we drive. That being said...we also have $150,000 in liquid cash...Not sure how many friends could say that.(We don't sell drugs...we are self employed lol)

**Ponderer** · 10-12-2011, 10:02 AM

I have never gotten that impression from friends and family but sometimes I think that co-workers and neighbors and such might think that. I don't drive the latest vehicle and I am not much of a shopper, and never have been. I get my frugality somewhat naturally being the youngest of 7 kids to a factory worker and SAHM. Funny thing is....I am the only kid that is this intense with being a "cheapskate" and some of my siblings went to the other extreme.

**Russ** · 10-12-2011, 10:41 AM

Originally Posted by Josephhgoins

My family gives me the opposite issue. They believe that as I don't spend every penny I make and am making an effort to get rid of the debt that I have, then I must have plenty on money. They often ask for a "loan" which wouldn't be paid back. I get this from them all the time, no matter what.

it's gotten to the point that I don't share my news with anyone other than FV here as I know someone will call with their hand out.

I wish they did treat me more like I was broke, then at elast I would have to worry about constantly saying "not just no, but HELL NO!"

Excellent point here! And we have thought about not telling the inlaws we are debt free when it does happen.

**nuisance26** · 10-12-2011, 11:25 AM

~Well, I don't know if they treat me like I'm poor so much as I over-analyze every interaction and wonder if they think we are.
People who don't know the car I drive or the size house I live in usually think I'm fairly well off. I wear nice clothes from thrift stores. I take good care of myself(frugally). I have three kids, I don't work outside the home, I homeschool, I'm interested in others and I seem happy. I think all those things added together imply that our one income is pretty good. It's not.

And BTW, I learned about presenting yourself properly to the world from my mother. It's not about pretending you have more than you do, it's about valuing yourself and others enough to take care of yourself and be respectful. It's about caring enough to lift someone else up.
When you seem ready to give others your time or a shoulder to lean on, you seem like the rich one.
I said all that to say this, I think a lot of how people treat you is in how you present yourself and what subjects you like to focus on in conversations.~

**Nishu** · 10-12-2011, 11:40 AM

My husband is military and their pay charts are published online yearly, ready to access by anyone... so, not really. We don't get the income privacy that allows people to guess.

We're not treated like we're poor by family, I think they know better. I do wonder though if friends and acquaintances think we have money problems. A couple years ago they would have been right, so no biggie, I guess.

**Laney** · 10-12-2011, 12:24 PM

Originally Posted by nuisance26

I said all that to say this, I think a lot of how people treat you is in how you present yourself and what subjects you like to focus on in conversations.~

that's where most of the "so and so family is poor" comes from I think, because we don't care what other people think. they see older cars being driven, a simple wardrobe being worn, etc. so they assume we have no money. what they don't see is the down payment we are saving for our house that consumes almost all of our extra money. there doesn't seem to be an abundance of "I want to be debt-free" type people in our area.