I feel like I have failed my children ( feel cheated too)

[frugalwarrior2]

Garage sales,freecycle,put an ad in the paper w/ an explanation,post a wanted sign at the grocery,craigslist,estate sales. Part of designing is innovation,creativity,making due.

Being poor or w/o immed cash for everyone teaches people to think outside the box,to work harder and think smarter. My kids can make wonderful stuff out of NOTHING.
DD makes gorgeous earrings out of broken household garbage and paper,Ds can make instruments from scrap wood,swords from broken hockey sticks and rings from coins. They have skills. They can pitch a tent,make a fire,catch a fish,make pillows and repurpose so many things. They can cook and grill,garden,make a pie in a dutch oven in the back yard.
Their friends can buy stuff-retail. They envy the fact that my kids know me because I spent time w/ them instead of buying a McMansion.
Are you there for them,stand behind them,live right and lead by example,teach them integrity. Are they secure w/ there home and know you love them. Thats a good parent. The rest is Crap.
Lecture OVER.lol

[peanut]

I say 'shame on the school'! Since when did PUBLIC education become private (pay-for-use)? Which is what this amounts to. But then, I'm a bit biased about public schooling, having home educated mine. I hear you about costs. That was one of the fringe benefits of pulling ours out. We actually saved money and gave them a better educational experience.

However, back to your situation...I would complain to the school about it. And I would check the local university for special programs in engineering. Our small local university has a science summer camp for kids, which was great for my daughter. And the local technical institute gave computer courses to the public that she excelled in. DD#1 has a good job as a supervisor in the call center industry servicing doctors, teachers and business people.

She is halfway through a university degree, and stopped due to finances. Both my girls have done this. University is just so expensive these days, we couldn't afford it and neither could they. HOWEVER, I am not in despair. DH did not graduate with his Masters until 31. His sister went back to university at 45. I am not concerned about 'failing' them in that regard.

So don't give up on Buddy's education yet. Lots of people do just fine if they have to work for their degrees. In fact, they just might appreciate it more. And giving him the frugal mindset helps provide the tools he needs to achieve success throughout his life in all areas of his life.

[Telephus44]

You know, I have been thinking about this thread a lot since last night. One of the parenting ideals that DH and I both agree on is to encourage our son in whatever he wants to do. DH was always into computers, and his parents sent him to computer camps and even bought him an Apple IIE when they came out (and paid $3000 for it in the early 80's. And his parents were a nurse and a GM auto worker with 3 kids, so no, they weren't rolling in it. They sacraficed A LOT to do this). DH went on to work in computers and continues to be incredibly successful. He's gotten awards for his work and continues to studying various aspects of programming and networking because it's something he truly enjoys. That is the same type of passion I want to encourage my son to have.

Obviously, I wouldn't want to spend money on something just because my son asks me for it - I'm not trying to spoil him - but when he truly figures out what his passion is, I want to support that, whether it's paying for golf lessons, buying a guitar, paying for software so he can edit his own movies, whatever it is.

Imagine, I can't remember if this was you (I think it was?) who posted about liking to take pictures as a kid, and was upset when your parents complained about wasting film. I think that kind of feedback sticks with a kid - even if you are providing him with all he "needs" (food, roof over his head, clothes).

I think we ALL want to support our children, but I also think that sometimes, taking the "food, shelter and clothing are all a kid needs, everything else is a luxury" is a very simplistic view of supporting our children. It's one thing to try and raise children frugally and save money, but another thing to pretend that money isn't even part of the equation and that kids are basically free and just need love and time.

This isn't to call you out or shame you imagine, or to say that you're doing a horrible job (because you're not!). I just have been thinking about this all last night and wanted to get it out of my head and written down.

[Pianolady]

You're not failing anyone by not spending that on an extra credit assignment! I'd never do it. I did spend a few hundred dollars one time on a lego camp for my ds, but just once. Later, I found a great deal on eBay for some robotic lego sets, and that's what he got for Christmas two years in a row (2nd hand works just fine). The only other "splurge" was sending him to the engineering camp at the school he was going to attend, but it wasn't much more money than what this extra credit assignment would be. The cost doesn't seem to justify the reward, you are smart to say no.

DS's now an electrical engineering major in an internship that makes more money than my husband! Talk about a good choice of careers. He did very well in scholarships, etc....good grades, aggressively applying for scholarships, and choosing an in-state public institution made it all possible. You'd be surprised how little a student really ends up paying after scholarships if you really work at it.

Once your son knows more about safety issues, you could let him start fixing things, my son loved fixing things. Things that couldn't be fixed (like broken VCR's), he dismantled piece by piece and studied as a teen. We also dismantled old computers, and rebuilt them over and over. Make sure he knows about capacitor safety etc. if you choose to allow this... It can be dangerous. Probably not for a pre-teen.

I highly recommend getting as many college classes in during high school as possible. Ds ended up with 20+ hours before graduating high school (including a 3 hour engineering course), at the cost of $25 per year. What a deal.

[Sara Noel]

I wanted to add, he can look for a shop vac and not just leaf blowers, too. Would be cheaper.

[imagine]

Imagine, I can't remember if this was you (I think it was?) who posted about liking to take pictures as a kid, and was upset when your parents complained about wasting film. I think that kind of feedback sticks with a kid - even if you are providing him with all he "needs" (food, roof over his head, clothes).

Yes, that was me. Maybe part of the reason I feel like I am failing my children?

[Nana2two]

Our daughter loves drawing and art. So we allow her to do that. Every Wed she has art class. it's $50.00 for the school year. She is not in anything else. She was able to choose what she wanted it had to be less then $100 for the year that would include supplies.She is in 11th grade and very content.
My husband and i don't feel bad. Sad to say kids feel the Entitlement of having to have or be in everything.
Our daughter gets nice used clothes from thrifts . She is 16 and just bought a $10 tv and $5 dvd player for her room.

[Nana2two]

I would check on craigslist for any supplies he might need if he is really wanting to do it have in put a note on a board asking for supplies no one is using. Give dads number or yours for people to call. Thats how i built a tree house for my kids when they were younger.

[imagine]

I wanted to add, he can look for a shop vac and not just leaf blowers, too. Would be cheaper.

Buddy has been looking into many ideas. He tried an experiment with the air mattress pump yesterday.

We thought about shop vac. It might not work as it has to ride on the hovercraft and the added weight might make the craft to heavy for the air from the vac to lift the craft and it's rider.

He is also looking to put together a team. Who knows what resources the team members will have available to them in their parents garage.

[LuvMyHubby]

No, you have not failed your children. They have food, shelter, and love.

As others have suggested freecycle and craigslist but what about a few nearby small engine repair shops. It might be worth calling a couple and explaining what you need and why and do they have anything that will work withing budget constraints. It sounds like what you need doesn't have to be pretty and sparkly just functional. You never know what someone has left behind that would just sit on a shelf that someone would be happy to get a few bucks out of. Salvation Army and Goodwill might have something too.

It sounds like a great project but not if someone has to pony up a kidney to recoup financially. Good Luck I hope it all works out.

[imagine]

Went to Buddy's Parent teachers conferences ( midterm)

All teacher's had wonderful things to say about Buddy but the one that glowed the most and gushed the most was the Pre-engineering teacher. ( we also talked about the extra credit)

Even though Buddy has a C- in the class. The middle grade in the class (although Buddy's lowest grade in any class ever) the teacher said he is one of the most engaged in class, has wonderful critical thinking skills, is great at creating and executing the open ended experiments. Buddy is one to normally present orally the write up for his group (this shocked, us our shy Buddy?) He just isn't testing well ( now that is our Buddy) and the math was a bit hard for him at the beginning . The insturctor said several students shut down when they found out the class was not a easy class but actually had science and math in it and was challenging. He was very pleased that Buddy had not shut down but persevered and thrived after that. I have never seen a instructor light up so much when taking about Buddy or even their subject matter for that matter.

Oh yes we will definitely be helping in always possible for him to make the hover craft. ($200 is not possible)

The teacher has been doing this extra credit for years with an more advanced class so money never seemed to be an issue for others (remember that we are a majority free and reduced lunch school). I think Hubby's original "no" was a knee jerk reaction from a quick search he did on the net for how to build a hover craft and two or more leaf blowers popped up ( one guy made his go on water with 4 leaf blowers) So his knee jerk reaction was a big no way.

Buddy persevered with research and found other ways then the $200 we found one guy that said he made his for $48.75 (not sure what year that was in probably before the inflation of recent years)and that included a $30 leaf blower. If we had stuck by our No way and not moved on with Buddy's enthusiasm the I believe then we would have been failing him in this area.

Will we need to get a leaf blower? Maybe, after all other avenues have failed. It will not be an expensive one and you can bet I will have at least one volunteer to do the leaf gathering this year.

Side note when checking out the net hover crafts appears to be a common high school project and some college project too.

We are going to figure out how to get out more and expand our children's physical world, yesterday that included eating out at a restaurant on the otherside of town so not within walking distance. Picking up the ball on that one so as not to fail them.

THANKS EVERYONE for you thoughts, encouragement, and practical advice.