Inlaws and the holidays

**Laney** · 10-26-2011, 02:10 PM

anyone here successfully avoid their inlaws during the holidays?

does avoiding them or wanting to avoid them make me a bad person? dh seems to think I'm the only person in America that doesn't want to spend my holidays staring at people that either I don't know or WISH I didn't know

**Menifeemom** · 10-26-2011, 02:22 PM

We moved to another state to make sure we could choose how much/how little time we spend with the in laws. That has made it very easy to avoid spending all our holidays with them and having to deal with the drama that they have every year. I have loved having peaceful, drama free holidays with just my immediate family.

So you can tell your hubby that you are not alone!!

**Libby** · 10-26-2011, 02:37 PM

You are not alone...family can be a very scary thing. Especially if they're not direct blood family. *hugs*

Maybe cut a deal with your DH - you be with family for Thanksgiving but not Christmas or vice versa. Discuss and see if you come up with a happy middle ground?

**mystypooh** · 10-26-2011, 02:48 PM

I'm right there with you and yes other people feel the same way. We want to move so bad just to spread the distance. I always dread the holidays!!! They (she) brings so much negativity with her...drama...that we always feel so "beaten" and nobody can enjoy their time. Oh, but to answer the question....no, unfortunately we haven't been able to avoid them.

**Darlene** · 10-26-2011, 03:39 PM

It's healthy to set boundries. Every day, not just holidays, I limit time spent with people who make life less-than. I'm glad to say I haven't come across too many people who push my buttons and Dh's buttons are pushed easier so it's often times he who wants out, lol. That's Ok, I don't like to see him miserable so we usually have a plan.

If I ever do spend time with people who drive me nuts, I am polite, but I aready know going into the situation that my time with the person(s) is limited and stated up front (so they know) we will be leaving at such and such a time. Down right mean/rude people aren't allowed in our lives.

Happy Holidays!

**Nana2two** · 10-26-2011, 03:40 PM

All my family is in California and husband doesn't like any of his except his step dad he is like a dad he never had. His mother favors the daughters so anything and everything my husband does is wrong. Plus his sisters has turned the oldest child against us. She is 20 and chose her which family she likes and it ain't us. His sisters are very controlling and self centered they where the pants and rule the roost. So we have no issues staying home for the holidays.

**Ponderer** · 10-26-2011, 03:42 PM

I find it surprising that your dh would think that....it is very very common to feel like you do and most people have at least heard of it. I think it more common than unusual, especially when speaking about in-laws specifically.

**bonnotsm9** · 10-26-2011, 05:15 PM

My in-laws were fine when they were still alive. It's my family that has all the nastiness and drama. I made sure dh never met some of my worst family members until after we were married. By then we were living several states and away and deliberately had next to no contact with them. He doesn't need to deal with them. The only time we celebrate the holidays with family is when we invite them to our house. The ones who can't behave themselves are never invited.

I do have a reputation among my family for being cold and unfeeling- but they never liked me much anyway, so who cares?

**Sonnenwende** · 10-26-2011, 05:38 PM

I wish my in-laws would come visit us. They'll whine occasionally that we should come visit them, but they are the ones that set their own schedules, vacation times, and have money. My FIL goes sailing for weeks in the Mediterranean every year (on top of other vacations), but can't be bothered to visit us.

We just moved far away from my family. This is our first Christmas alone and we are looking forward to relaxing and not doing everything everyone else's way for once.

**Syn D** · 10-26-2011, 07:17 PM

I avoid mine! We live 8 to 9 hour drive away and they don't travel

Tell hubby he's wrong

Your not alone!!

**mndtrp** · 10-26-2011, 07:36 PM

My inlaws insist on having their get-togethers on the actual date of the holiday. In order to avoid them, I offer to work most Christmases. My family will have the holidays whenever it is most convenient for everyone to make it home.

This year, my wife and I are skipping both Thanksgiving and Christmas with both of our families.

**Michelle68** · 10-26-2011, 07:37 PM

It's generally my stepfather and mom that we can only stand to spend a limited time around. I hate to say it, because I know my mom loves us and she would be terribly hurt if we avoided them but they are the most negative people I know. The first hour or so is fine, but then comes the complaining, the snide remarks about others, and the inflammatory political commentary. ARGH! Drives me, my husband and the kids batty. But I have become somewhat adept at ignoring remarks and changing the subject. And I realize that my mom will not be around forever and we live 164.39 lovely miles away from each other, so pass the turkey and dressing and "Hey! Hasn't the weather been especially beautiful lately?"

**Laney** · 10-26-2011, 08:03 PM

it is some comfort to know that there are others that don't get along with their in-laws. his mom just makes me soooo angry that she has grandchildren and doesn't care to spend time with them. she lives about 30 minutes from us and hasn't seen our kids since February, but she goes to church 3 or 4 times a week and goes bowling at least once a week.

I know that my mom wanted grandchildren more than anything when we got older and I know she would spend time with them, love them and spoil them to death. but she died when I was 16 and my kids will never meet her. just makes me angry to hear dh's mom talk about she has no money or time to do anything

**MaggieMoo** · 10-26-2011, 08:28 PM

I wish I could avoid my inlaws but they live less than 10 miles away. My FIL has a terminal illness so I put on a happy face and play nice for my husbands sake.