Paying for college

**LBKB** · 11-12-2011, 10:51 AM

Ok everyone looking for some help here. We have raised our son and taught him about debt currently he is in his 2nd year of college lives at home and works 25-30hrs a week. So he has been able to pay for college as he takes the classes and currently has next years tuition sitting in bank. The only thing we help with is he uses our car to commute and we pay for the gas. But heres where we need help hes getting burnrd out and down and feels like hes going no where how can we encourage him hes doing the right thing? We keep hearing yea I'll graduate with a piece of paper that cost me 55,000. half of a decent house. Hes really thinking of quitting college.

**oheoh's momma** · 11-12-2011, 12:06 PM

wow this is hard my daughter is at UK and is always calling home because she is broke. UK was college we could not afford and she choose to go to. We told her when she went that we could not help her much. The economy has hit our family hard money does not go were it used to. She is . She is thinking of getting a job but her adviser told her not to. she is also thinking of changing majors. she went there to follow her boyfriend.
ugh
Maybe your son needs a mental break like a semster off to make money or just blow steam.Or maybe just a vacation. School is hard work and he is working. As much as I would like to say thank god u are not a single mother doing it and working. I would have give anything for mom to have paid for me vacation so I could have just rested and relaxed. Maybe I would not have been so mentally wore out I dropped out my last semster and never went back.
Don't know if this will help pray about it. hugs

**Nishu** · 11-12-2011, 01:05 PM

You know, this is going to be an unpopular opinion, but I don't see anything wrong with quitting. He won't walk away with nothing, he'll walk away with college credits that amount to half a degree and if he chooses to go back, he can pick up right where he left off. $55K is a lot of money, and personally I'm not entirely convinced that college is worth it either.

The only thing I would worry about is whether or not he has done the research on jobs, starting salaries and cost of living. If he's done the research and finds that he can do just fine, then I don't really see an issue. He seems like a smart, hard working kid, so he'll probably be just fine.

You also have to consider that a lot of starting salaries for post degree jobs are equal to or lower than some non degree work.

Anyway, that's just my opinion. I know every parent wants their kid to graduate college, but your son is obviously no dummy. Kudos are in order for raising a responsible kid.

**LBKB** · 11-12-2011, 01:25 PM

O I'm not a parent who says he has to go to college oldest is youngest isnt its there choice.

**Contrary Housewife** · 11-12-2011, 02:04 PM

Ah, the infamous "sophomore slump". Your son is not alone, it happens to nearly every student around the time they hit their 2nd year. Lots of work, nothing to show for it yet. It's Wednesday and they think Friday is never going to get here.

He should focus more on the small goals, like getting the next paper done, getting through this semester. College is a journey, not a destination.

25-30 hours of work is a LOT for a student. Is there any way he can cut back on that and have more down time and sleep? It will help a lot.

**MaryCarney** · 11-12-2011, 02:27 PM

What is he majoring on? Something that will get him a decent job, or something that is less reliable - like English Lit?

**tmffv** · 11-13-2011, 12:52 AM

What is he majoring on? Something that will get him a decent job, or something that is less reliable - like English Lit?

I was going to ask the same thing. What is he majoring in? I'm of the mindset that if you are not pursuing a degree that leads to a specific (and decent paying) career path, then you are probably wasting your money. Perhaps he feels that way about the degree he has chosen? $55k is a lot of money for an undergrad degree. If this is the case, perhaps he should take a semester off, work and enjoy some free time and decide what career is the a good choice for him. If it requires a degree, then go back. If not, be thankfull he didn't waste more money pursuing something that his heart just wasn't in.

**frugalwarrior2** · 11-13-2011, 09:11 AM

Why not help him a little if you can? xmas is coming?
I worked 3 jobs.paid for a car,ins,repairs,gas while attending comm coll. I ended up finishing that and quitting. Time ran out. I got pregnant had babies.
Encourage your Ds. Help a little financially. He needs a boost.

**melodys** · 11-13-2011, 11:59 AM

I escaped poverty through education so I highly value the economic benefit that I got from my bachelors degree. However, there is a lot more to a college education than simply getting a better job.

By getting a degree I completed something challenging that I set out as a goal for myself. That really gave me a lot of self confidence going forward in life. College is also a time to develop perspective about the world, create lasting friendships, and also to have a bit of fun before settling into the daily grind.

In today's modern world a college education is a foundation that gives a person more choices, and hopefully enough wisdom to make good use of those choices. A person with a degree may choose to have a profession that does not require a college degree, but a person who does not have a degree will have no other choice.

It does sound like your son is a bit worn out from school, which is understandable given the work and school schedule he is on. Perhaps backing off some on the work hours or taking fewer classes will enable him to enjoy the fun parts of college that make the journey more enjoyable.

**cheles2kids** · 11-13-2011, 01:00 PM

I'm going through the same exact thing as the OP...except for our son is in his first year of college.

I've decided that I'm going to allow him to take a semester off...*but* he will have to pay us something each month while not in college.
My only stipulation with our kids is that they can live at home as long as, they go to college full-time & work at least part-time.
And we will help them with whatever might arise that can't be covered by their part-time job...

If he chooses to take a semester off then he has to contribute to the household.

Now, I'm not saying this is the right decision for everybody but this is the decision that we've come to.

I did mention to him the other day about whether or not he's planning on taking us up on the offer & he said that he hasn't decided for sure, that he's still giving it some thought.

I think sometimes as young adults sometimes allowing them a choice is all they want, to feel like they have some kind of control over the choices in their lives.
If I know my son, I think he'll end up staying in college but if he proves me wrong, we are willing to support him either way.

Good Luck to you, I know how hard it is helping them "find" themselves as productive adults. I'd always heard how hard teen-agers were, it was much easier when they were teens than trying to help them navigate their lives outside of High School...lol

Oh & another option might be a Trade School...sometimes learning a trade gets them a better job with alot less college & alot less time invested...just another option to bring into the equation.

**shoiji** · 11-13-2011, 01:27 PM

Many people who work and go to school also take more than 4 years to graduate a 4 year college. I am guessing that your son will be having a break between semesters soon. Encourage him to take a few days off work to try and reenergize. Everyone needs mental health breaks.

If he is at a 4 year college is there anyway he can go to a 2 year college which will probably be cheaper. Then graduate from a 4 year college? Also tell him to go to his advisor to see what type of financial aid or scholarships that might be available to him. Maybe if he spoke with his advisor they could figure out a way where he graduates in 5 years instead of 4 years. There is nothing wrong with that especially if he is working to put himself through college.

**LBKB** · 11-13-2011, 06:14 PM

His major is criminal justice not sure about minor yet. We are helping him some he drives our new corolla and we pay for gas for him to commute as 5 days a week he drives 35 mile one way. We did tell him to take a break but he is hard on himself and he said he cant afford it so we said take the week between christmas off from work and we will pay him his pay check (his girlfriend will also be home from school).

**dancemommy** · 11-13-2011, 06:37 PM

I have probably an unpopular opinion on this for this forum, but I really think that if he is pursuing a degree in something that is going to MAKE MONEY and that there is JOB POTENTIAL in then take out a minimal amount of loans, do very well in school, and make yourself as marketable as possible for post graduation. I would never encourage taking out loans for a degree in an area where jobs are scarce or salaries are low. But we know several who have done that and it has worked out fine. We won't let our high schooler have a job. His job right now is to get the best grades possible and make himself as marketable as possible to colleges and pursue scholarships. That is worth more than he could make at a job right now. In any case, I would evaluate the value of his desired degree and then weigh the risk of taking on a little debt versus not finishing school.

**LBKB** · 11-13-2011, 06:46 PM

Another thing I didnt mention is 9 of the hours a week are on sunday and all he does is wait for trucks to come in and recieve the load and in between he may do homework. As he says its a gravy job once he passed all the certifications.

**heartofmine** · 11-13-2011, 11:17 PM

He will regret it if he quits now. My son is now just seeing the fruits of his labor. He graduated in 4 years and then won an assistantship which paid for his classes and he got his MBA. He was hired to a position before he got his last class finished.

My daughter took a year off after high school and it did her a world of good working for minimum wage and getting no where. She figured out pretty fast she needed an education. Its taken her longer to do it...5 1/2 years but she graduates in December.

Both of mine managed to graduate debt free so trust me your son will be very glad he is paying for it as he goes and won't be drowned in debt when he gets out. He needs to keep looking toward his ultimate goal. That piece of paper means a whole lot when it comes to job hunting time.