I've Decided

**pollypurebred39** · 11-12-2011, 09:00 PM

That I'm done feeling sorry for myself this holiday season. I sure hope these links work.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?f...type=1&theater

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?f...type=1&theater

**mauimagic** · 11-12-2011, 09:16 PM

It's important Polly to do what will work for you and heal your heart and soul. I would perhaps suggest that you might want to start or continue a gratitude journal to gently remind yourself of what you do indeed have to be thankful for. or perhaps even asking some friends to jot down what they perceive you might be thankful for. Take care my friend.

**oheoh's momma** · 11-12-2011, 09:18 PM

you are killing me crying again

**Early Bird** · 11-13-2011, 11:43 AM

I looked at the first photo. And stopped. Couldn't bear to go on.

That will make me thoughtful for a while.

**peanut** · 11-14-2011, 09:27 AM

{{{Hugs}}} Pollypurebred. That first photo is a real killer. I once found a book by Peter Menzies called "Material Things", where he went around the world photographing households in each country with all their possessions spread around them. It was a sobering and fascinating look at the differences between cultures.

It amazes me we've managed to shrink the miles between us with technology, but we still haven't managed to figure out how to share resources more evenly around the globe.

DH and I have decided this year to do a gift free Christmas between us, and stay home and relax, enjoy the season, and get a few things done around here.

I wish you and yours a blessed Holiday Season.

**pollypurebred39** · 11-14-2011, 10:24 AM

Oh Peanut! We have that book! We used it as part of our homeschool curriculum. It will blow your mind. It certainly puts things into proper perspective.

The holidays have been very hard for me the last 3-4 years. Yes, money is an issue, but it's not the whole story. For us the holidays was a huge celebration, loaded with family and friends. It was a time of year where we focused on charity to an extreme. Given our economic circumstances that no longer is an option.

Add to it deaths, grandparents aging and losing their ability to participate in the holidays, family moving away, and our world has shrunk to just my Mother and my in-laws.

Of course I'd not be honest if I did not say that I've been having a bit of a temper tantrum over my physical abilities declining. The upcoming holidays is on the heel of me resigning myself to the fact that really stylish shoes are no longer an option. I had to buy a pair of sensible shoes (read-ugly), that did not kill my back and allowed me to walk more than a few feet without feeling like my spine was going to break in half. Well, it really felt like my world was coming to an end. All I could think was, great, I'm an old woman at 43, next week I'll need a hearing aid and a walker. Stupid huh? I totally missed my blessing by behaving like a spoiled brat. Here God provided me a pair of shoes that was EXACTLY what I needed, and all I could focus on was this was not what I wanted. Fast forward to the guy with soda bottle shoes and that fact smacked me hard right upside my head.

So when it comes to the holidays this year, or anything else, I've purposed myself that I am going to focus on the fact that God really does meet my needs, and I need to stop every single time I think something is a need and evaluate if it really is, or just me being a spoiled brat. Because truth be told, I only need one set of clothing, and it does not have to be fabulous clothing either. It just has to cover my nakedness. Anything more than that is a blessing and I need to recognize that. I don't need my own car, I want my own car. I don't need a working dishwasher, I want one. I don't need certain foods on my table, I want certain foods on my table. If I really get down to what my needs really are and how much I have above my needs, then, well....I am very blessed.

So this post was about me turning my eyes off of myself, and turning them towards the things that are truly important in this world. Outing myself is rather humbling, but necessary in grounding myself in the truth. The truth is ugly and raw, full of human failing. I purpose myself to be a better human being.

**Debbie-cat** · 11-14-2011, 10:35 AM

Amazing isn't it? What we think we NEED.

Hugs Polly.

**oheoh's momma** · 11-14-2011, 11:03 AM

Polly u said that beautifully. when u get to the very basics. It puts it into prospective. You are a very wise woman.

**pollypurebred39** · 11-14-2011, 11:30 AM

Ahh not so wise oheoh's momma, God just had enough of my whining, and frankly, I had enough being miserable. Spending my time focusing on what I don't have was really making me miserable. I'm so glad God is patient with me, because I'd have smacked me right down into to the gutter to see how I liked living there.

Those who know me know I'm given to wallowing a bit. Depression will do that to you, but I'm in charge of what I think, and I had stinking thinking. I've spent years wanting to be like Paul, being content in any circumstances. Am I content now? Probably not, but I'm closer to it than I was yesterday.

This does not mean that I've vowed to live a life of poverty, rather that I'm choosing to recognize what blessings I do have, and making a solid effort to turn my eyes away from myself and towards the important things in life.

It's kind of funny because God has been working on me. Stirring something within me, leading me to scripture, helping me to remember Bible lessons I know backwards and forwards but have failed to apply in my life. Every single time I turn on the computer, turn on the radio, or turn on the TV God was gently nudging me to take a look at the state of my soul. Even after I thought I got it, God still was showing me. I turned on the TV last night and the program that was on was this

http://www.intouch.org/broadcast/thi...BEqR4.facebook

He then followed it up with Joel Osten reminding me that praise should lead. So an attitude of gratitude. LOL! I doubt He's finished with me yet. I'm a work in progress.

**auntie2many** · 11-14-2011, 11:51 AM

Polly, but aren't we all just a work in progress? Thanks for those pictures. Humbling indeed. I wrote the largest Christmas wish list on this forum of anyone, however I am content if I get none of it. I can still wish can't I?

Yes, thanks to God that he has patience because if he didn't I do not know where I would be. I am a slow learner and often do not stop long enough to listen to His still small voice. After awhile of this He will smack me alongside the head with a 2 by 4 and finally get my attention.

A2M

**pollypurebred39** · 11-14-2011, 11:59 AM

Absolutely A2M! Nothing wrong with wishing, or wanting things as far as I can tell.

The problem I had was putting things I want well above the things of importance in my mind. It was all off kilter, to the point that I could not even see my blessings as blessings anymore. It wasn't until I had the clarifying moment of how basic my needs really were that I started to get it.

I'd say I'm a pretty slow learner myself A2M, because this holiday thing has been building for the last 4 years.

QM · 11-14-2011, 12:29 PM

Thanks for sharing, Polly!

We all need a good smack up the side of the head (thankfully God doesn't do it literally

) to remind us of how truly blessed we are. When you were listing the things we don't need (a dish washer, lots of clothes, my own car), my mind was screaming, "No!...No!...No!...You need them all." But we really don't even though our sinful minds want to think otherwise.

**pollypurebred39** · 11-14-2011, 12:40 PM

LOL @ QM! You're funny QM.

Yep, those things felt like needs to me. Only, I don't want my post misunderstood. I posted this as an awareness to myself, a grounding. Everyone has their own journey in this life, and God takes us all different places. This is where He took me. This is where I needed to go. Where others need to go I can not say.

All the ladies on the SI thread know very well that for the last 4 years I've struggled with the holidays. My temper tantrums over wanting my old life back, and growing weary only lacked me stomping my feet and laying down on the floor and thrashing about. Yes, I've behaved like a perfect 2 year old.

**peanut** · 11-14-2011, 01:15 PM

Well, uh, we don't have a dishwasher, second car, or lots of clothes (no closet space). So I guess I'm here to tell you that you can indeed have a really good life without them.

We use the time washing dishes together to kibbitz and talk about our day/plans for the evening, etc. It's fun!

We walk places (good exercise) or plan errands carefully, or DH takes the bus while I have a day with the car. I make the most of those days by running multiple errands.

I own the most clothes I've ever owned right now, due to the personal shopper experience this spring (another thread), and honestly, it's too much. I fill 3 feet of closet space, 2 3' dresser drawers, and I take up about a foot of the front hall closet with blazers that I don't need that don't fit in my bedroom closet. 'Nuf said. BUT, now I know how to shop for clothes. AND I have a wardrobe that should be good for five years.

Aside from that, we have the luxury to live in a great neighborhood in a great city, and have the luxury of being able to afford food I'm not allergic to.

You aren't the only whiner out there. I am prone to this too. It's a case of whether the glass is half empty or half full. In my case I need to train myself to see the half full glass instead of the half empty one.

**cashcow** · 11-14-2011, 02:57 PM

Please remember, Dear Polly, that YOU are a wonderful blessing to so many of us here at Frugal Village. I know that I always feel blessed after reading your wise and humorous posts. I pray that you are reminded now and again of what a truly wonderful woman you are and that these reminders give you comfort and strength!