Am I mean to grandma?

[oheoh's momma]

I am really worried about this.I am starting to feel like Cinderella and I do all the chores while she does cook some and entertain. (She likes to bragged on) while I am doing all the work, Yes I cook also and do everything else.
She will not wipe up a spill after she spills something. The kitchen is the first room u come into I can not keep it clean. She will not clean her own toilet or sweep or use the sweeper. She will not wash clothes or fold them. If the dog messes she acts like she does not see it. If the down stairs litter box is dirty she over looks it.
If I sleep in she does not have enough sense to let the dogs out to pee while I sleep. She comes and wakes my husband up like he does not have enough sense to get up for work or church.
I have started staying up stairs, I am childish I give her the finger ( behind her back), the children don't like her.
The neighbors don't like her.
I am tired we pay for medicine, doctor visits, cigarettes, clothing ect.
Yes I have said something she does not listen at all to anyone. She only thinks of her self.

[BlissMommy]

It sounds like it is time to sit down with Hubby and set some healthy boundaries for Grandma. Maybe set up some consequences if she doesn't clean up after herself you stop paying for certain things.

[Momto5RN]

i wouldnt pay for cigarrettes - which only will lead to dr appts anyway .

[oheoh's momma]

hubby smokes also and she tells him she hurts. he thinks she is crazy and lazy. Yes it is mean to give her the finger and childish I will quit that. Can I stick my tongue out?

[McD]

hubby smokes also and she tells him she hurts. he thinks she is crazy and lazy. Yes it is mean to give her the finger and childish I will quit that. Can I stick my tongue out?

My rule of thumb is that if I wouldn't be proud of seeing my kids do it, I don't do it.

That said, I'd definitely lay down the law: Grandma, this is our house. We like having you here, but if you are to continue staying here, we have things we need to discuss. Then lay it out.

[Contrary Housewife]

Grandma is acting like a spoiled teenager. The sooner you set and start enforcing rules, the better. Your house, your rules. Stand up for yourself and don't accept any of her crap. She will continue to whine and pout and behave badly as long as you put up with her behavior.

There must be enforced consequences or she will not change her ways. It's time to apply the Tough Love.

[Libby]

It sounds to me as if you've reached your boiling point. Know that it is healthy and OK to feel like this, it is normal. (acting out however is not normal)

Somewhere along the line, you've taken everything upon yourself and have set expectations upon yourself. After all, it is your house right?

IE The kitchen has to be clean, stay clean a certain way etc. So of course when grandma decides to clean - you see it as her purposely going out of her way to make another mess for you to clean vs her trying to put forth an effort to keep it clean (the only way she knows how)

My dad is like this...it has taken me eons to accept what his new definition of 'clean' is. And since I can not and will not accept his definition of clean...essentially I've chosen to make double the work for myself by going to clean up after he's done his version of 'cleaning the kitchen'. Even if it means cleaning the kitchen several times/day. KWIM?

As for the other things...waking DH and purposely not helping out with the dogs by letting them out for bathroom breaks etc...that sounds like points that should be discussed during a family meeting AFTER you and DH have a discussion first.

[Russ]

My rule of thumb is that if I wouldn't be proud of seeing my kids do it, I don't do it.

That said, I'd definitely lay down the law: Grandma, this is our house. We like having you here, but if you are to continue staying here, we have things we need to discuss. Then lay it out.

Exactly this.
Everyone should sit down, like adults, and discuss living in the same house together because it's gonna take effort from EVERYBODY.

[Spirit Deer]

Sounds like G-ma needs a different living arrangement. It's obvious the current situation is not workable for any of you. Are there no low-income senior living facilities there?

Isn't she old enough for Medicare? If so, then why would you be paying for doctor visits and meds?

[Incognito]

She is obviously getting more incapable of caring for herself or the housework, so maybe it is time for 'assisted living'.
Don't think she's lasy or irresponsible, she's just getting too old (maybe crippled and in pain, and forgetful too) to manage things, and it's showing up in all these ways. Maybe it's all she can do to do the little she is doing. That's the way it is for most seniors. No sense in reacting emotionally about it. But high time for a serious talk about what you are all going to do next to deal with it.

[LynnLC]

Sounds like G-ma needs a different living arrangement. It's obvious the current situation is not workable for any of you. Are there no low-income senior living facilities there?

Isn't she old enough for Medicare? If so, then why would you be paying for doctor visits and meds?

Yes! Definitely. It's time for GM to get her own place.

[krbshappy71]

I am really worried about this.I am starting to feel like Cinderella and I do all the chores while she does cook some and entertain. (She likes to bragged on) while I am doing all the work, Yes I cook also and do everything else.
She will not wipe up a spill after she spills something. The kitchen is the first room u come into I can not keep it clean. She will not clean her own toilet or sweep or use the sweeper. She will not wash clothes or fold them. If the dog messes she acts like she does not see it. If the down stairs litter box is dirty she over looks it.
If I sleep in she does not have enough sense to let the dogs out to pee while I sleep. She comes and wakes my husband up like he does not have enough sense to get up for work or church.
I have started staying up stairs, I am childish I give her the finger ( behind her back), the children don't like her.
The neighbors don't like her.
I am tired we pay for medicine, doctor visits, cigarettes, clothing ect.
Yes I have said something she does not listen at all to anyone. She only thinks of her self.

Sorry you are all having a tough time. Sounds like a group of adults acting like kids.

Pets don't care who lets them out. Owning a pet means getting up and letting it out or having a dog door so it can get out. No excuses or clean up the mess. I'd love to sleep in, its not a luxury that I'm afforded because I've chosen to have pets that need let out. Owning a cat usually means litter box needs cleaned, again, whoever owns the pet needs to take care of it or find it a new home to someone who will.

I hate cleaning up dog poop in the backyard, I HATE IT I HATE IT but the natural consequences of not doing it are: paying a fine if someone turned me in, my neighbors hating me if it smells thus causing problems, my own house and area smelling horribly, the dogs stepping in it and tracking it all through the house. GROSS, I have not had any of these consequences because I make myself clean up the yard. I could pay someone to do it, I'm not willing to shell out the money for it therefore I have to do it. If the people in the house are not willing to wake up, get up, clean up for the pets then maybe some pets need to find new homes.

If grandma doesn't do her laundry, grandma has smelly clothes.

Cleaning up the kitchen sucks when someone else makes a mess every time you turn your back. Sounds like having small children in the house all over again. My thought is either set some rules and start refusing services that you provide for her if she doesn't follow the rules, or get used to cleaning up after her like you do a child. If you don't set boundaries with her it will just keep happening. Its too bad she isn't a clean person but not everyone is, ever watched Hoarders?

Hugs, it all sucks, but it is also something that could be changed if you are willing to stick up for yourself and your house.

[oheoh's momma]

hugs ladies I really need to vent and a break.
1. grandma has medicare and humana and a 1442 dollar a month income.
2. we rent she pays the rent 700 and we pay the bills and buy groceries and household stuff.which works out to about1300 a month. ( I could do better but this is were everyone's comfort level with heat and phone and cable)
3.I am not asking for hard labor out of her. She is sick and in pain. BUT she is lazy. ( she lived with her sister for years would not clean, moved her children in for the sister to keep up, and spent her sister's money likes hers) 14 people who did nothing but drink and live in filth.
4. I keep a clean house with 6 pets and they all go out. except for cats. I never had an accident in the house with the dogs until grandam came . everyone let the dogs out every 2 -3 hours or when they whined it was everyone's job. Grandma I forget well maybe. but she pees and she should realize they pee.
as far as the finger we just do that there are no children here and it is a joke except for Grandma I am about to break.
One more talk. with her.
I am willing to move into something smaller to send her back to her crazy, dirty, addicted family. I have no problem hubby is worried she will die out their with their stupidity. (the daughter calls 20x a day I have no gas, kids peed on self, I have no washer and dryer, I have no gas, I have no sofa, I have no chapstick , I have no blah blah blah)
I HATE TO HEAR THE PHONE RING
Her children are innocent one is a drug addict and thief.
One is a bad mother. The family molester only molested because he went crazy. he was molesting before that. she knows it.
SHE TOLD ME SHE MISSED HER DEAD SISTERS MONEY TO PAY FOR STUFF.
this woman is nuts....

[oheoh's momma]

one is a sex offender. My husband can't stand any of them except his mother and that is waiving.

[Spirit Deer]

I would live in a leaky tent in the woods in the dead of winter before I put up with so much stress. My mental health is worth far more than a rent payment.

If you are not willing to change this situation, then just accept it.