Vent - Husband & Christmas Gifts

**mamachop** · 12-08-2011, 01:00 PM

Originally Posted by ml2620

That's exactly what happened Mamachop.

DH has a big milestone birthday coming up the first week in January and really wants that trip to Puerto Rico. I am the family's main income. My job is precarious and that trip would require me to use what little emergency funds we have, about two months salary. I can't do it.

So I can't give him what he really wants and inow I can't give him what he sorta wants either.

Luckily our daughter is too young to get this. But these feels of guilt, of anger that he really did expect the trip (he told me that yesterday)is just making me feel awful and like I've got a husband that isn't on the same page.

Please, don't feel bad. With the shape of the economy and jobs, I don't know too many people out there who could afford a trip like that or even if they could afford it, they would be very hard pressed to spend the money on it.

A trip to Puerto Rico could always come at another time. Hopefully, it will, when you can both enjoy it. Hang in there and try not to let this spoil your Christmas!

**krbshappy71** · 12-08-2011, 01:05 PM

Originally Posted by ml2620

Our daughter is very young,hopefully to young to remember and notice there isn't much for daddy under the tree. I suppose its best this happened now and not whenn she's older when she will be more involved in the gift making/buying process.

But this hurt will stick for a while, this guilt and this feeling sad and angry. He really was expecting the trip.

I can honestly say that regardless of age I've never noticed if there's anything under the tree for either of my parents, unless I'm looking for the gift I wrapped for them myself.

Hugs to you, that sucked, but your daughter's view of it is the least of the issue in my opinion. Definitely a stressful time of year. My bf is getting home baked goodies, it is all he has gotten for Christmas for the 3 years we have been together and likely all he will get in the future. He seems thrilled with it, he knows I'm on a super-tight budget and do not over spend on anyone else in lieu of giving him a gift, it just works. I hope you and hubby find a system that works for future Christmases.

**Missourimom** · 12-08-2011, 04:15 PM

I didn't read all the posts, but seriously, this would not bother me one little bit. I suck at gift giving and don't like it at all. Hubby knows this and there have been MANY times he bought what he wanted and I just wrap it and give it to him on his birthday or Christmas. It makes the kids happy he opens something....personally, I'd just hand him the bag and say "there ya go." I just don't care about these things.

He also does this with me. Guess we're just odd, but I wouldn't be upset at all. Just wrap them up, return your gifts and put that money away for next years Christmas.

**Sophiasmama** · 12-08-2011, 05:06 PM

This might sound silly, but what about getting a sexy nighty to wear on Christmas night...gift for both of you.I guess you wouldn't want to open that in front of the kids lol.

Kevin and I used to do the gift thing...but he didn't want a thing and neither did I...so we decided on doing a Hawaii trip after christmas everyyear(family one) we'll start next year...not saying you need a trip...but a gift you both like and can share...so that could be anything!

**Lucas** · 12-09-2011, 05:01 PM

@ml260 just curious is your husband a gemini

**MomToTwoBoys** · 12-09-2011, 09:22 PM

My BIL is the same way. My SIL's solution?

Stop buying things for him for Christmas.

I thought my autistic 13 year old was hard to buy for, until I met my BIL a few years back. He's also the type that takes 6 months to decide on a headboard and will spend hours in the store making sure it's the right one.

DH tells me every year that he doesn't know what he wants and he needs everything. My solution? Buy him one or two things I know he'll use.

**Nana2two** · 12-10-2011, 12:32 PM

Hubby and I never buy each other items for Christmas.We always wait till after and we buy something for the house. Sorry he hurt you like this.

**madhen** · 12-10-2011, 12:57 PM

ml2620, he is not a jerk, he is just a guy. They are practical like that, and don't stop to think about how close it is to a birthday or holiday where they MIGHT get the exact same thing.

I suspect his strong reaction and telling you take your stuff back was more of a defense mechanism when he realized how upset you were and couldn't come up with anything that could "fix" it. Again, guy thing.

Maybe take back the items and get him a gift certificate at a store he likes for a similar amount? Give it to him in one of the socks he already bought for himself, but wrap it up in a bow or something.

**mamachop** · 12-10-2011, 01:35 PM

I agree with madhen. Your DH is NOT a jerk. I believe he probably saw the items and picked them up while they were on sale. I think he just thought that he was helping you out by getting them. He didn't know that you had already purchased the same items for him although you had discussed it before.

He was probably upset and hurt by what you said which was why he came back at you about the Puerto Rico trip. I am sure he does want to take the trip with you at some point when you could both enjoy it without wiping out all of your hard earned savings to do it.

Hang in there, take care, and Merry Christmas to all of you!

**bookwormpeg** · 12-10-2011, 02:03 PM

Greebo, I should have said "some people don't think" and obviously my name would be on that list. lol

**Holly** · 12-10-2011, 06:08 PM

put them up for next year and your way ahead of the game in 2012.

**LuvMyHubby** · 12-11-2011, 07:51 AM

(Hugs)...I think I would be a bit upset if anyone in my family handed me a list of what they wanted and then bought it themselves. I guess my thinking is that if you ask for something and then buy it yourself, you run the risk of having duplicates and if you are dissapointed too bad. This is why hubby and I do not exchange gifts but rather save some of the budgeted christmas $ and do or buy something together.

I would be tempted to wrap them up and stuff them under the tree anyway but that is me. But, I would probably put aside temptation and take them back and either get a gift card to a place he would like, get something special for food that you would not have otherwise, get something for yourself, or put it back into your EF. I doubt that you child would notice even if she/he were older, unless had a hand in wrapping or bought it.

Don't let it get to you and look at it this way at least he bought them on sale