Vent - Husband & Christmas Gifts

**ml2620** · 12-07-2011, 07:34 AM

I am so mad I couldn't sleep last night and pacing around the house.

My husband is EXTREMELY difficult to shop for. He's very picky about comfort and what he likes. At the same time, he doesn't want much, it's IMPOSSIBLE to get him a gift he will like and use.

But I tried, I tried extremely hard this year and stayed within budget and bought him socks and underwear, pajama pants and some nice shirts and fleece pullovers to Christmas. The shoppping is all done. It took hours of internet research to find all his favorite things. And no, the snow blower and trip to Puerto Rico he wanted was not in the budget and he isn't getting it.

So yesterday, he had to take his mom to lenscrafters at the mall for an eye exam and new glasses for her. While waiting for the glasses, he went shopping and bought himself ALL the things I planned on giving him as gifts!!!! He came home and said "don't buy me any fleece pullovers because I found some at JC Penney's and bought a bunch. But when I looked in the bag, it wasn't just pullovers, it was all the things I planned on giving him as gifts! I yelled at him I was so upset and he tells me to return the things I bought!

Who the heck buys himself things two weeks before Christmas? And what woman stands there next to her son while he does this? I want to kick both of them in the behind!

So I told him he's not getting anything for Christmas, that he's ruined any gift giving his daughter and I could do for him by buying it himself. He's a jerk, I am so mad, upset and hurt right now I could just scream and scream!

**cab54** · 12-07-2011, 07:45 AM

My DH and I went through years of wasting money on gifts we just weren't that 'into'. Some of it was OK, but let's face it.....I can't know what tools and junk he would like, and he doesn't do very well getting me gifts (except jewelry, but that can get a bit pricy and I have all the jewelry I need).

It seemed kind of stupid that after awhile, we would say 'what'd'ya want for Christmas, hon?' and then go out and get that for each other. Then we both already kinda knew what we were getting! And even then, it wouldn't be the right color or the right size, or the right tool.

Finally we put aside all of the 'romantic' and emotional stuff at Christmas, and just agreed to each buy ourselves a couple of things at Christmas and call that 'Christmas'.

He came back form hunting and said, hey hon, you bought me X, Y, and Z (see, I don't even know what it's CALLED, that he wanted), and I said "Merry Christmas, hon!".

I bought something online and said, " guess what, you got me a ____." and he says "Merry Christmas!"

Works for us.

Then we can concentrate on our kids and other people.

**Russ** · 12-07-2011, 07:47 AM

Yeah, that's not cool at all. If it was me, and yeah I'm like that, I'd tell him... YOU take all the stuff back I bought you, you're the one that screwed everything up.

**Pianolady** · 12-07-2011, 08:15 AM

This is why we no longer exchange Christmas gifts. Instead, we each find something we really need/want during the Christmas season and just go get it at the cheapest price possible. We investigate until one of us (usually me) finds the best deal, then buy it & start using it right away. Actually, we find this more fun.

**Greebo** · 12-07-2011, 08:20 AM

Just curious...playing devils advocate here a bit..

Have you ever asked your husband, "Please consult with me before you buy anything before Christmas?"

Or could this maybe have been a case of you expecting him to be able to read minds?

**LynnLC** · 12-07-2011, 08:38 AM

Agreed Greebo.

I don't think he bought the things to upset you...As for mom, did you really expect her to tell a grown man what to do? I would have never even thought to tell him not to purchase anything. Maybe I'm clueless. Lol.

**Russ** · 12-07-2011, 08:48 AM

Maybe I'm reading into it, but it seems he knew what was on the list so at some point there had to be a discussion.

Though he obviously did not know she had already bought them.

**Greebo** · 12-07-2011, 08:53 AM

Originally Posted by Russ

Maybe I'm reading into it, but it seems he knew what was on the list so at some point there had to be a discussion.

Though he obviously did not know she had already bought them.

I try to avoid deliberately reading into posts.

Possibly he knew - possibly he didn't - thus my question. Until we know that, we cannot accurately judge whether this is a wife with a legitimate grudge or a husband with an unreasonable wife.

**ml2620** · 12-07-2011, 09:25 AM

He knew, I asked him for a list of ideas and he made one that included the things he bought. He knew these were things I was at least planning to buy.

**Greebo** · 12-07-2011, 09:32 AM

Originally Posted by ml2620

He knew, I asked him for a list of ideas and he made one that included the things he bought. He knew these were things I was at least planning to buy.

Thank you for the clarification.

What a freaking JERK FACE!

**Spirit Deer** · 12-07-2011, 09:39 AM

We quit the whole Christmas thing years ago, too. I did inform him he was the happy recipient of half of a new KitchenAid mixer (we both bake) last week though, when I got it for less than half price on a Cyber Monday deal. He said "Fine by me."

It sure cuts down on the drama and angst and stress around here.

It's unfortunate he bought duplicate gifts for himself, but really, is it worth all the energy you're putting into being that upset?

**Ponderer** · 12-07-2011, 10:08 AM

I would just take my stuff back, put the money back into my budget and figure I got off cheap. LOL

**Contrary Housewife** · 12-07-2011, 10:15 AM

My DH did something similar last month. We give each other books for Christmas every year, and he went and bought a bunch that were on his list...

Now, I figure he has the right to buy himself things he wants or needs but I still felt a bit angry and frustrated that he went and did this. So I told him (nicely) not to buy himself any more or he wouldn't be getting any christmas presents this year.

I agree with the others that it's not worth the energy you're putting into being mad at him. I say take the stuff back if you need the money, otherwise set it aside for a birthday present.

**Greebo** · 12-07-2011, 10:16 AM

I like the idea that the money you spent on him becomes more money for your own gift to you.

**nodmicks** · 12-07-2011, 10:23 AM

My dh did something like this a while ago and it was funny! His Dad had told me I should buy him a certain item for the woods for Christmas. I bought it and wrapped it. The very next day we were shopping and the girl was ringing it up. I asked her to see the item in her hand she had just scanned. I looked at it and asked her to take it off please. Dh gave me a funny look and said " Why did you just do that?" I had to tell him I just bought him one the day before for Christmas as his dad had told me too!

Over the weekend we were shopping and he mentioned he needed lounge pants. I told him no no no as I was pretty sure santa might bring him some ( His Aunt already bought some!)