What I have figured out this year

**Rhiamon** · 12-12-2011, 01:19 AM

This past year has been a long and hard one for DD and me. I separated with my husband July 2010. I have been hospitalized, DD was hospitalized. My finances have been all over the place.
What I have learned this year is that I am stronger inside than I ever thought before.
That I can't control every aspect of life as much as my PSTD wants me to.
That I am more than my mental illness
That my daughters problems and disability is not my fault she was born the way she is and that I need to stop feeling guilty for it.
I have also figured out that I need for my own mental health to live simplicity and mindfulness. This is a new adventure that I have recently realized. So I am going over my finances and going through my stuff. I guess this is also like a new years resolution. I am going to make a list of stuff that I can do and what I need and go from there.
I have let some of my anger go this year, that also meant not dealing with toxic people who were in my life. This has been a hard one as I had to let go of a friend and some family members. I have developed an acceptance in my life which has been a long time coming.
I have also figured out that I really do need to quit smoking and take better care of my health this is also a new revelation sort of as I have been sick the better part of a month.
The big thing that I have learned that I guess most people learn growing up is that I matter. My mental health, my life, my child, and who I am as a person matters. I still get very depressed at times, but I have not felt suicidal in a few months. One main reason is I need to be DD voice. That if I never do anything else in the world that I was there for my daughter, that I help her reach what ever her potential is. That I will not take no or I don't know as an answer when it comes to getting her help.
I also learned that I am loved, and that my FV friends are the best. And I thank all of you for the support you have given me. Thank you

**Telephus44** · 12-12-2011, 08:59 AM

Congratulations on finding your strength! I'm sure one day your daughter will be able to say "My mom could manage with all of her problems, and so can I."

**Ramona** · 12-12-2011, 03:45 PM

Your post brought a lump to my throat, bravo for you!

**shoiji** · 12-12-2011, 04:27 PM

It is good to hear you are finding the confidence within yourself. Pace yourself and take things day to day. Hope you can quit smoking soon. It will help your body and mental health greatly.

Here is to next year being less stressful!!! Take care.

**oheoh's momma** · 12-12-2011, 04:32 PM

I have tears in my eyes darlin' and I think that u are one of the bravest women ever. u have a taken a very large step in the process of recovery. prayers for u and your family. hugs also...pen