alone

[marlas1too]

its now 2am Christmas day and still can't sleep-everyone in the house is gone for the weekend and I'm all alone except for the cats and memories -i don't have much holiday spirit. life is just a series of days now-have to stay on my diet or the diabetes will get worse-I'm getting used to being alone here-but don't feel sorry for me i want everyone to have a happy holidays and enjoy your families guess I'll wait till morning and see the parades on tv-whoop pee --if i had my life to do over i don't think i would change anything as Jen did give me 5 wonderful years --got the wood stove stoked for the night-its 29 outside now-cold-will work on the new shed tomorrow some to kill some time-roof on it by next weekend-tried some other sites i go to and no one in chat there ether----well merry Christmas and happy new everyone in fv -----p.s. please don't be sorry for me i'm ok.i just needed to talk and everyone is gone so please have a happy holidays everyone and stay safe

[peanut]

OK, I won't feel sorry for you. I'm alone too right now. It's 2:20 AM and DH is in bed asleep. He is a bit of a scrooge and doesn't like Christmas, so there are no presents this year. Except the ones I bought before he told me he didn't want to exchange gifts this year. Oh well. He has a stocking I filled. And I put some stuff in my stocking too. Plus we have gifts from other people. I made sure to give them something in return. Except there is one couple we missed...a major gaffe. We're going to have to do something for them after Christmas. Don't know what. It would be a lot easier if DH would loosen his hold on the pocketbook slightly and not be quite so scroogelike at Christmas. I feel very belittled when I go to him about Christmas gifts to reciprocate with friends etc. From now on I am using my own money to do that though. I even made cards this year to get around asking him for money to buy some. Oh well. Some people are Christmas people and some aren't. DH isn't.

I'm spending tomorrow reading, watching Christmas movies loaned to us, going for a walk, possibly going to church...depending when breakfast is served, and hopefully enjoying a fire in the fireplace.

[rosey7415]

just so you don't feel alone. we are not "doing" christmas either. my mother is dying which you must have seen my other thread. not looking for sympathy either but just trying to console you that you are not alone in this. it feels strange to see all the hustle and bustle of christmas and the houses all decorated when you drive to the hospital .....like the world is going on without you oblivious to your pain. we are here for you and you are not alone

[frugalfoster]

....like the world is going on without you oblivious to your pain.

I remember feeling this same way during the two most traumatic times in my life. Funny how soon you forget when things return to "normal". We all take life for granted and don't rejoice enough in the good times!

[Darlene]

Wrapping you all up in a huge hug wishing you all a new year filled with things that make your hearts sing.

[Aqua Blue]

(((hugs)))
I have spent 10 of the last 15 Christmases totally alone. This Christmas I went somewhere for Christmas eve, but am alone today. After a lot of thought, I have decided to believe that being alone on a major holiday is not that I am morally inept, it is just circumstances. I have plenty of people who care about me, they just don't happen to be able to be here today.

Most of the ones I spent totally alone I tried to anticipate that I would be alone and get food in that would be special to me, rent a movie or two that I would enjoy, get a book I would enjoy etc and treat it like a special day for me, but not necessarily a holiday. I tried to savor the other times around the holiday as the specialness of the season. Take care, I personally think some of the most profound words in the Bible are "It came to pass..."

[HappyMama]

Hugs to you Marla, and everyone. Merry Christmas and sending you all blessings.

[jacqueline]

i wish i could give each of you a real hug instead of the button here at Fv.

[madhen]

Hugs to you all. I am alone by choice on Christmas Day and New Year's Eve/Day, and I am actually happier spending the day doing what I want. I used to get invitations every year to spend the holidays with friends/co-workers, all of whom have family over and were more than happy to add another plate to the table. Every year, I turned them down, politely, because I enjoy the solitude and peace of my little hub in a hectic world.

I have always thought that, if I wanted to be around people on the holidays, I would volunteer at a soup kitchen or some such charity, or possibly at a hospital, visiting those who don't have family to attend, because that would feel an appropriate use of my time and I think would make me feel very much a part of the human race and would also satisfy my need to connect with others.

Rosey, I am very sorry that you are going through this terrible experience at a time that is known for happiness and fellowship. I have mentioned before that my father died just before Thanksgiving, many years ago, and the holidays were forever tainted by the memory of his loss. That taint has become bittersweet now, after time, because I try to keep Christmas the way he would have. Father's Day is still a very difficult holiday for me, and always will be, I suspect. I couldn't even watch tv that first year, because I cried at every Father's Day commercial and felt much as you probably do right now. Every sentimental show or commercial showing happy families celebrating Father's Day felt like a cruelty inflicted upon me, and a reminder of how alone I was, now that my own father was gone.

I do try to keep in mind that I have been guilty of being joyful when others around me are not, and will be again, I am sure, just as I will surely be in the position that you are now, as others celebrate their lives around me. I know you know that, and I hope you know that even though we post cheerful comments in other threads, that our sympathies are sincere and that most of us can TRULY sympathize, because we have been where you are now.

[peanut]

In the past I have volunteered places, but we only have one car and DH often takes it to work, making it very difficult for me to volunteer unless I get a ride. Our transit system is notorious for not being able to follow its schedule, making me late most of the time. So I gave up volunteering.

The thing that helped me most this year was the 29 Days of Giving Challenge. I started it Dec. 3rd and am carrying it through to the end of the month. I've been giving something away every day, even if it's just a smile and a cheery "Merry Christmas". I've had great fun with it and was able to help three financially struggling friends through the church and a lady who was the victim of domestic violence and her five children. To me that makes the entire month of December worth it!

Next year I am going to do it again and set up my Christmas Day as a nurturing day, as Aqua Blue does. I also told DH I'm buying myself my own Christmas present. He's nervous already and its not even his money being spent! The man has issues.

[zakity]

I even made cards this year to get around asking him for money to buy some. Oh well. Some people are Christmas people and some aren't. DH isn't.

Ooooo... I love homemade cards!! I much prefer them over the store bought cards. I love looking at them. It just makes me feel good inside that someone thought enough of me to take their time and effort to make me a card.

[Starlight9803]

hugs to you all. I had my DH and kids around today, and we saw family yesterday, but I often feel quite alone anyway. Just going through the days doing the same old, same old. So, I can begin to understand where you are coming from. I'm finally getting to the point where I find my happiness in being alone though, so I enjoy it most times.

[bookwormpeg]

My hubby is not a Christmas(or any holiday) person either...if it was left to him, he would sit on his computer all day.......it came up in conversation about next year and he volunteered to plan it...HA..I immediately said NO WAY!!!!!! We would have NO food, NO tree, NO decorating, NO gifts, NO visiting etc. He and my daughter started on me by saying how I made too much food, yada yada and I had to tell them that if I can't bake and cook once a year I might as well be dead....and once I was dead they could do what they wanted but as long as I was alive, I would continue to cook and bake at Christmas...by this time I am almost in tears, so they backed off....yes, I suffered all day and could hardly walk BUT that is my choice! I am still a little upset with them...but in all it was a good day... Sometimes, even with friends and family it feels like you are alone....it's all about what you make it...Hugs to you all..Peanut, I bet you have a gift in mind already for yourself next year..you go girl...

[nessarowdy]

Hugs everyone! Even though I'm in my hometown celebrating with my siblings and parents and MY children, my husband is in Kuwait. That has been hard. Especially for him, he has been truly depressed about missing everything.

Although I love the holidays, I'm ready to get back to our regular schedule. I seem to tolerate doing things on my own much better when I'm not reminded he's not here to help me out...

Happy Holidays!
-Vanessa

[cab54]

HUGS to Marla and everyone here who is alone when they don't wish to be.

We have about 50 people, kids, and maniacs trapse through here on the 'eve' and the 'day', and I'm still cleaning up. But you make me realize that in many ways, I am blessed.

Take care, and try to enjoy the silence and the peace. Maybe you can here your lost loved ones calling out Merry Christmas to you.