College or no college?

[lovestolaugh]

I know that a college education is important and I fully intend for my dd to attend a 4 year college and earn her BA, however, I don't feel it's right for my ds. My dd works hard and has lofty goals but my ds is just adrift. I don't think he would do well in school. So, my question is not if college is important but can a person succeed without a degree in this day and age? I was raised in the generation that you had to attend college to amount to anything but that was a different world. What do you think?

[nodmicks]

I wish I knew the answer! I think it is yes. My older ds is much as you describe yours. He decided last minute to not go to college and seem to have no desire. Since graduating last summer he has had 2 full time barely above min wage jobs get hours cut to zip. He is now working at a gas station as of last week. I can't see him being able to support himself without some changes.

On the other hand I have a nephew who graduated high school by the skin of his teeth and is pulling down a very large income for a 21 year old. However he is one driven young man and really grabs the bull by the horns and is constantly self educating.

Depending on you ds's age a lot can still change. My hubby hadn't a serious bone in his body as far as work went until I got pregnant. I could have cared less as we were young. He has spent the last 19 years improving and taking good care of his family I guess what I am saying is things can always change.

[mombottoo]

I never tried to figure out which of my kids was suitable college material...I let them figure out whether they wanted to go or not. We also didn't have college funds for our kids, if they went, they paid for it. We did help them fill out the FAFSA form and helped with things their grants/loans/scholarships didn't cover.

What do your kids think?

[Sophiasmama]

What about a trade school? My DH is welder...went to school for a total of 18months...makes alot of money, and he enjoys building.

[Momto5RN]

my neighbor across the street makes 80 an hour basically cleaning out TP from the outside sewer pipes of people who insist on using cushy TP even though these older houses get roots in the pipes and he tells that that is what the issue is.
he may actually charge more now - he goes to a house uses a machine to do the work and makes darn good $$>

i think a skill is important . 4 year degrees are great buyt alot of people with 4 year degrees in certain areas have no jobs or are working as a manager at a FF place . ( didnt need a degree to do that years ago)

i dont have a degree as a RN because when i went to nsg school they werent all those type of programs. if i wanted to do administration ( which i have done already ) for most companies FT yeah i would need to go back too school but to do what i love .. take care of pts i dont need it . 25 + years of experience does me well for now .
if there was a free way to go back to school and do it with minimal time taken away from my family and in a way that wouldnt mess with my FMS i would do it - but theres not.

[nuisance26]

~You can be very successful without a college education but it takes a certain type of person. These are usually innovators or mechanical and entrepreneurial types as well as those who crave simplicity and crave balance in life more than advancing themselves. Someone who is adrift needs time to explore the world a little bit before committing to an educational program and a career path.
I've always planned to pay for our children to go to two years of community college. They can take advantage of that at 18 or 38. Maybe time for him to decide is the answer?
DH and I only have some college. I would have loved to finish but I don't feel it's essential for success. We are low middle income. We don't feel poor, we feel successful. Success isn't so much a definition as an attitude. I was also raised in a culture that made me feel like less of a person for not having a college degree. I wonder if some of your son's ambivalence is frustration at not wanting to follow the norm. There is a lot of pressure to "be" something and in most cases, it's just too early to decide to "be" something so young. In many cases it's a waste of money to educate too young. Young adults trained in many fields are often not able to use their degree and instead become cupcake bakers or home stagers or party planners. They may be very successful at it but that's 4 wasted years of time and tuition.
Carefully examine what your expectations are and why and then have a talk with your son about what you expect from and hope for him. He may really not know and is afraid of being a disappointment. It may turn out that he actually wants to join the military, or be an artist, a maintenance man, etc. A person who can go to a job they enjoy is successful, in my opinion. And if he changes his mind in 5 or 10 years, college is still there and new career is obtainable.~

[acabin42]

We told our 4 children that we do not have money for college. If they wanted to go, they needed to get scholarships, or jobs and pay for it themselves. To date, all 4 of them has gone on to get an education. We have a teacher, a police officer, a nurse, and a soldier/homesteader/college student. All of this is pretty good because neither DH or I have gone to college....just working minium wage jobs....... I'm very proud of them.

[WV_mom_of2]

My dd is 19 and in her second year of college to get a teaching degree. Ds is almost 16 and plans to go to trade school to learn to be a plumber and electrician. He is a very hands on kid. Can build things out of Legos like you wouldn't believe (campers with slide outs, etc). He spent this past summer building an outbuilding in our back yard out of lumber that he found for free.

[Pianolady]

It depends. What are his interests? Does he have any hobbies? Some fields require degrees, some don't. Learning a trade through apprenticeship or trade school or jr. college is also an option. Has he mentioned anything he might want to do?

Sometimes getting in at the ground floor with a good company can be enough to get a career rolling with no degree. Something like starting out as a dock worker at a distribution center and working your way up through the company. This will get you only so far though, then corporate world likes to see a degree. Sometimes they'll help pay for your education though if you are a strong employee. But this takes drive...and patience.

Trying to make a living working retail seems to be a common attempt in young people I've seen. I rarely see this turn out well.

[shoiji]

I know someone who had horrible grades in high school. Went to college and ended up graduating with most of the awards in their program.

Try having a conversation with your son to see what he is interested in. What type of jobs there might be in his interest. Maybe he has an interest in a trade or a two year college program. If he does not go to college right after high school he may end up changing his mind and decide he wants to go to college.

I think the most important thing is to be as diversified as possible and willing to change when it comes to jobs. The days of working at one company for the rest of your life is few and far between.

[McD]

My husband graduated high school by the skin of his teeth. He's very intelligent, he just wasn't a fan of school. (or authority figures from what I am told).

He enlisted in the Guard at 17 and worked full-time through the Guard for many years. They had him tasked out to a local narcotics task force, to the DEA, etc. During his 12 years in, he won the Soldier of the Year competition for our state.

He was hired by a local police department. They paid for him to attend the police academy. He has went through various schools for them. And after having been on the force for only a little over 3 years, he was named Police Officer of the Year.

So yes, people can be successful without college. It just takes the right kind of person.

[ferhoodled]

Thanks for this thread. It helps to see that others are dealing with the same thing I am with my son. I worry, worry, worry about how he will be able to support himself after he graduates this year (hopefully!) He is a creative type and hates school with all his heart. Hoping that he will find something that he can be passionate about yet still earn a living.

[ShadowMom]

My youngest DS was one that was adrift also in high school, didn't know what he wanted to do with his life, just knew he didn't want to go to school. Fast forward a few years, he was 23, working in a dead end job, knew it was a dead end job and that it was NOT what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. He started searching and looking for what he DID want to do, went to a 2 yr trade school, and last month, at 25 graduated. Now all he has to do is take his state board exam, he is already working in the career he chose and loves it. What did he choose? He became a vet tech and works in an animal hospital, oh, and he now wants to continue his education and study marine biology.

Some kids just take longer than others to get their compass and find their direction in life.

[Greebo]

If he has no focus and isn't going to know why he's studying there's no point wasting the money on sending him. Get him out in the real world and focused on how to be an adult. Then if he wants to go later, with a REAL GOAL, at that time consider helping him attend.

[heartofmine]

People can be successful without a college education but they have to really want it just as much as a someone going to college has to really want schooling for them to succeed. I'm thankful both of mine really wanted it. My daughter did take a year off after graduating high school and she figured out real quickly that making $6.00 an hour with few hours wasn't going to get her anywhere. It was a good lesson for her. She started college and just graduated. She's now waiting for a teaching opening and started substitute teaching just today until one does. My son was goal oriented from the start to succeed. He went straight out of high school to college and by age 23 had his Master's degree. Before he even finished his Master's he had already gotten a good job. He is an assistant CFO at a bank at age 23....and yeah I'm very very very proud of him. I know how hard he's worked.

My husband and I neither went to college although my dh did do some vocational tech stuff out of high school. We have had a lot of struggle years on low pay.