when do u quit needing a mom?

**oheoh's momma** · 01-16-2012, 01:20 PM

my friend called me this morning crying her mom had hurt her feelings don't even remember what over. (they have a very bad relationship) 4 over 30 years it has been this way... I told her she was 45 years old and did not need a mom who was going to treat her this way.. She said I know you are right and is in therapy over this.
well grandma asked why I said that to her and I told her. she siad I hope my daughter always needs me. I said no u hope your daughter wants to be part of your life, u want her to stand up and take care of her self.
My daughter does not need me to do everything for her she wants me to help her as a friend and confident...It is wonderful to have an adult relationship with her. It is the joy of my life.
I had a very bad relationship with my mom I needed her to much and it hurt her. The last 6 years of her life was the best our relationship ever was because we were equals of maturity and finances...
oh well just my thoughts..

**Cricketlegs** · 01-16-2012, 01:56 PM

Maybe tomorrow but not today! I will always need my Mom.

**McD** · 01-16-2012, 02:08 PM

I will always need my momma.

The needs have changed as I have gotten older, but I still need her.

**flashyMcGee** · 01-16-2012, 02:11 PM

Never for me....

I will always need my mom

**hmcart** · 01-16-2012, 02:27 PM

My mom made some very poor decisions and she is no longer in my life. She chose to support her husband of 1 year after he was arrested and convicted of molesting my little sister. Now I am raising my sister. I still love my mom but I dont like her. I pray that my kids always need me and that I am always there for them. It is so hard not having a mother.

**mombottoo** · 01-16-2012, 02:32 PM

I always needed my mom, even if it was just to have a cup of coffee with her. "Need" can mean many different things...I wish my mom was still here and I hope that my daughter and sons always "need" me.

**DWHISNANT** · 01-16-2012, 02:44 PM

You never really know what you had until its gone. I encourage everyone to make amends with your mother before it's to late. I waited to long and now I regret it something aweful.

**Lady_V** · 01-16-2012, 02:51 PM

I stopped "needing" my mother the day I graduated high school and moved in to my own apartment.

I have called on her for advice from time to time. I take it less and less now since we have completely different schools of thought when it comes to child-rearing, relationships and finances... but having another point of view comes in handy.

Now that I am a mother to a daughter, I hope that she will not need me once she is grown because I hope I have raised her to be a strong, independent woman... but VALUES me and the wisdom, love and counsel I can offer her.

(and this is coming from the woman who once laid eyes on that little bundle handed to her... thought about going to college when she starts so I can always be with her

)

**ferhoodled** · 01-16-2012, 02:56 PM

My mom's been gone for 10 years and I still need her. We didn't have a perfect relationship, but I still wish she were here to be my mom... to be the one person in the world that would like to hear me brag about my kids... to be there to care about me when I have a cold... To be there to hug on Christmas and birthdays... So many things.
She wasn't a perfect person. We had our moments. But the older I get, the more I realize that she was just human like me and had some mental health issues (depression etc) that just weren't treatable back in her day. I wish I could have had more time with her...

**go3817** · 01-16-2012, 03:14 PM

Well, I certainly don't need my mom (or dad) to take care of me or to do things for me. In fact, my being independent and insisting to stand on my own two feet is one of the (very few) reasons why things sometimes get a bit tense between me and mom/dad, although I'm pretty sure both are glad I am this way... just struggling a little with me being an adult.

That's not to say, however, that I don't want my parents in my life. My dad has a pretty cold, distant relationship with his parents, and I don't think I've seen my paternal grandparents more than... um, maybe 5-10 times. That's not the kind of relationship I want with my parents... and of course, it makes things easier that there's no reason for it to be that way. If my parents were more difficult, things could get much more complicated.

This might or might not help others... but I've recently read, Coping With Your Difficult Older Parent: A Guide for Stressed-Out Children, by Grace Lebow, Barbara Kane. I thought it had some great advice on the topic.

**chris w** · 01-16-2012, 03:30 PM

I would agree I would want my dd to be independent and come to me for advise or bounce an idea off me. I have raised her to date (she's 14) to be independent, to think things through and it is ok to ask if you can't find the information.

However, my 4 nieces are still in that place of wanting Mommy's aproval. She never attended school functions and demanded that mother's day was all about her and everyone should bow down to her, because she is the mom. Puke!

**bunnys** · 01-16-2012, 03:55 PM

Oheoh: You sound like a good mom. Trying to raise a daughter who is self-reliant but still wants you as part of her life.

dwhisnant--have to disagree completely with you. If you have a good mom--a woman who cares about raising healthy, happy adults--you should try and reconcile any long-standing issues with her before she dies. But some mothers are bad people and bad mothers. The best thing that ever happened to me was when my mother died and I could let go of wanting a relationship with her that was never going to happen. (That wasn't the best thing I ever did for myself but it was the best thing that ever happened to me.) But she was a bad mother and should never have had children. There are rotten people in the world (for whatever reason) and just because they become parents doesn't mean they suddenly become good people or do good things to raise happy children. I don't think it's a good idea to make a sweeping claim that what might be good for one parent/child relationship is good for all.

**mhope** · 01-16-2012, 04:00 PM

I will always need my mother. I miss my father every day. His never forgotten,

**jas** · 01-16-2012, 04:05 PM

I understand the relationship changes over time, I wish I had had the chance to go through those changes with my mother. She passed away a little over a week before I turned 18. I am now 50 years old and wish I could call and ask for advise or get a hug.

I do get the relationship should mature as we age though and a mother should not belittle their grown children for any reason I have two of my own.

**oheoh's momma** · 01-16-2012, 04:25 PM

My own mom enabled me for a long time and I am guilty I let her and I took it freely. But then one day we realized it wasn't good for us. If someone is doing something for u such as letting u vent but never helping u get to the next step or keeping u from the next step doesn't help.
I know when I was much younger I let my pay for the sins of others through my anger at her. It festered then it changed she quit and told me grow up. I found my feet and have been a strong woman ever since.
I know one thing for sure that I raised a strong woman. I always told mommy don't have it I will try but u have to.. U want a good man but don't ever need one. be equals. a baby is always the woman's responsibility a man if he is bad won't stay. so be prepared to do it your self..
Yes I need my to hear my moms voice and her laugh.. I miss her everyday. and now I realize I am a lot like her good and bad.. hugs ladies