I am beside myself! PLEASE help me!Sorry Long

**oheoh's momma** · 01-29-2012, 12:41 PM

momma u are a very wise woman and u opened an uncomfortable door that will lead to a better relationship... he now trusts u in a new way and has more respect for u.. If he is doing worse he will lie and u will catch him... Then u can come down harder... Hugs and prayers love pen

**banana** · 01-29-2012, 02:09 PM

I applaud you, I think you handled a very difficult situation very well, you didn't loose your cool but you got your point across in a very loving, caring way. WTG mom!

**forHISglory** · 01-29-2012, 03:02 PM

I agree, you seemed to handle it well.

My child went stupid at about 16 with all the lies and double crossing. Trust was completely eroded. We tried everything: counseling, talking, taking away privileges, etc. Our child simply chose to leave home and live elsewhere. And we found that legally they can do this. And that the parent is still responsible for the child's actions and behavior, whether they live at home or not. It becomes VERY difficult. But I'm here to tell you that it can and does work out..... just that it takes some kids a LOOOOOOOONG time to work it out. Keep up the good work, Blessings....

**mndtrp** · 01-29-2012, 06:22 PM

For what it's worth, I think it's good you didn't punish him, this time. My parents did the same, the first time I came home drinking. Discussing it with me, especially pertaining to past family history and deaths caused partially by alcoholism, likely had a more positive effect than outright punishing me. They made it perfectly clear that it wasn't going to be tolerated from then on, though.

There are other things you can bring up. While it's unlikely that a urinalysis for work is going to stop him, some careers do very lengthy background checks. Previous drug use can hamper the ability to get very good, and high-paying, jobs. A single drug conviction of any kind could prevent employment anywhere that requires security clearances or in law enforcement.

I suggest continuing to talk to your son, in an open and frank manner. Remain calm and friendly, but retain your authority and momness. Actually give him the chance to regain your trust, and remember that 15 is a very trying time. I had a great time at 15, but have absolutely no desire to go back through it again.

**denik258** · 01-29-2012, 09:22 PM

Originally Posted by Ponderer

Yup....Lisahas2cats knows just like I do. My son is now 21 and it has caused some major major life long problems for him. He has quit since Dec 16, but only because he literally had no way of getting to any.

They lie....no matter who they are once this comes into their life, and unless it is a bad experience out of the starting gate that causes them fear and to never do it again, they lie about it. Plan on that.

I am very sorry you are having to experience this.

I will agree with you. This is a bad place to be in and I have been there. Casual marijuana can lead to dependence. My son started the experimenting in High school, gave it up for years and after he got back from Iraq and got out of the Army began to use again and used so much he was useless. He lost his job, his home, friends, etc because of his heavy marijuana use. Do not EVER think it cannot happen. You need to take him into youth or drug court immediately and get him into a treatment program. I was a social worker for 15 years and can tell you based on what you have posted here he needs help and the longer you put it off the worse it will get. Have him tested and get him into treatment. BTW my older son now 30 is now clean and doing well but knows he cannot casually use marijuana any more than an alcoholic can take ONE drink.

**jas** · 01-30-2012, 11:06 AM

You for sure are not alone! My dd 18 is a really shy, reserved girl and not a problem at all. At the end of Oct she was going out with a gf and she had some of that synthetic pot crap and asked dd if she wanted to try it. She said sure. They smoked it outside, the girl wanted to go back inside and left dd outside. She came looking for her a bit later and dd was passed out on the ground. She eventually came to but was out of her mind and throwing up and talking crazy. This "friend" left her there to go out. Thank the Lord these people watched over her to some degree. They should have call me, got the number off her phone or what-ever! Anyway really early the next morning my dd came home and said I have something to tell you, you are not going to like it but .... and told the story. She was holding her arm funny and then told us that she thought she broke her arm. I took her to the ER and she was worried what she should say. I told her she had to tell the truth! That she smoked some weird fake pot and this is what happened. She ended up with a broken collar bone, was out of work for two months. And it scared the crap out of her. I had no idea what this stuff was until that time. I got on the net and looked it up. Bad stuff.

Good kids make very bad choices sometimes. I would confront him for sure. You are still his mom and let him know you aren't in the dark as he may think you are.

**IntlMom** · 01-30-2012, 11:41 AM

((hugs)) to OP and all the others struggling with this.

It sure keeps me on my kness for my kids.

**mom23boyz** · 01-30-2012, 05:45 PM

Originally Posted by IntlMom

It sure keeps me on my kness for my kids.

Oh believe that was the 1st place I hit then when we were in church before Quince Saturday I asked right then for guidance. I feel he brought me where I needed to be at that moment because an hour later we discussed calmly and rationally the situation. I continue to pray for him and my other 2 DS

**my4littlebuffaloes** · 01-31-2012, 03:18 PM

Well - first thing is to quit letting him hang with the cousin. other than that, not sure, we aren't there yet (my kids are younger). Just big hugs!

**dhmunoz** · 02-01-2012, 09:19 AM

It sounds like you handled it really well. Hopefully this was the wake-up call he needed to stop.

I've been through this situation with my 18-year-old son, and although he is not smoking weed now because he's in Job Corps, if he were to come back home it would likely become a problem again...he has so many local friends that smoke. One thing that no one here touched on, and I feel is VERY important is--weed costs money. It's not cheap. Teenagers generally don't have a lot of money. This leads to stealing. My son has stolen and sold more things from our house than I could even count. Even my wedding ring and mother's ring are gone. He has taken my younger boys' video games (the discs) as well as my 13-year-old son's Nintendo DS, and all of my Wii games and balance board. My digital camera disappeared. My husband's painkillers that he got after his hand surgery--gone. Pretty much anything of value. I called the police and made reports. Finally when my son got into Job Corps, one of the last things I told him was that he's 18 so he's on his own. If he comes back here when he gets done with that program, the first thing that disappears will guarantee that I throw all his clothes and stuff out on the driveway and change the locks. We have new lock sets ready. I love my son but I will not tolerate that behavior one more time. It started small.....random games and cd's here and there and just progressed to bigger and bigger stuff. Keep your eyes open. My advice, for what it's worth.