going off the deep end.....

[McD]

Stacia--makes sense.

We do the declutter and donation of toys as well and I make my son (almost 6) be a part of the process. The way I read your first post made me think that you were just doing it all for her.

[Stacia]

My son is the opposite, he could care less about what leaves his room unless it's his PS3, or he's the one that has to clean it..lol

[pollypurebred39]

If you don't feel right throwing away his things, how about making a nice space for his things. You'd only need to go 12" deep, but you could go deeper. So you would not lose hardly any space in the room, and it would look nice, and all would be hidden. You could put l bracket shelves on the wall, and have the curtain go the entire length of the wall. I've seen it done much better than this, but this gives you an idea.

Grosgrain: DIY Curtain Closet

[Spirit Deer]

What I've discovered works best for me is if I sort out my husband's stuff and put what I'd like to see go into a pile. Then I ask him to go through it and pull out what he wants to keep. He rarely keeps any of it. I don't know what the deal is that it's okay to get rid of if I put it on the chopping block, but it works for us. If I wait for him to do it, likely it won't get done.

I've pretty much quit collecting anything that does not serve a purpose. So I'll collect cast iron cookware, but only pieces I will actually use. Anything I don't use is just clutter and something that has to be dusted, cleaned, maintained, etc. IOW, it's just more work.

Try to carve out a space for all his stuff, and get him to put all his stuff in there. I've done that with my husband's office. It's taken about fifteen years but recently he finally got tired of trying to work in a room that's stacked to the rafters, literally, with worthless crap and has started clearing it out. I never thought I'd see the day!

We're also talking about moving after we retire, possibly out of state. We've reached two undeniable conclusions: Moving all the clutter isn't logical and won't be happening, and de-cluttering isn't something that will happen overnight. It's going to take us a long time, so now is the time to start.

And I'd doing my best to take the quote in my sig to heart.

[bent]

UGHHHHH! I want to scream. I figured some people here may be able to commisserate. I have had it with the clutter in this house! We are actually in a condo... we have very little storage. My husband works alot, and I work less than part time. Maybe 10 hrs every 2 weeks.I say since you don't like 'clutter' you get rid of your half of the clutter- and if it just happens to be attached to dh's half- you did ask him to get rid of stuff. Which is fine.. but he doesn't want to get rid of anything! Boxes from laptops we bought 3 years ago.. things we "may need"... I am ready to scream.so break down all the boxes and condense into a large pile- umm do you have a bbq grill by any chance? i'm just sayin' grill+cardboard+match Today I am at my wits end. I am so tired of living in clutter, things he is afraid to get rid of...have a honest talk with him about WHY he holds on to THINGS- he's keeping memories so take a photo for him, if he has deprivation of 'things' in childhood or his parents were 'keepers' it's a learned response and can be unlearned with love and patience I try my best to declutter but god help me if I get rid of anything he thinks we should keep, even if it is a flipping cardboard box! Also, he procrastinates. It is Feb 9. We took our christmas tree down on Dec 26.. he insisted he would put the decorations away no matter how much I said I would do it. And there they sit. so tonight or tomorrow inform him that if he doesn't take down the tree per his request to do it, you will take it down for him since he seems to have difficultly finding timeI tend to have some claustrophobia.. I can't deal with all this STUFF! His bureau is piled high with clothes that need to be put away.. yet his bureau drawers have no room in them. again ask him to take 30minutes over the next 3 days to go through those clothes as you've found a charity that really needs that size clothes or bribe him with a foot massage, back rub if he does this for you. or offer him chocolate- reward his good behavior. I don 't want to throw out his stuff.. I don't have the right. your married correct?, then by law his property is half your's again sort through your half of old worn clothes, out-dated, things you just don't like to see him in.I just need some ideas on how to deal with wanting to declutter but having a partner who won't!

if after having a sit down discussion about how miserable you are with all the clutter and you want his input about how to deal with the sitch- if he chooses to not 'get on board' by helping a little then things would slowly start to mysteriously disappear on a daily basis. as to his clothes and not having room i'd invest in a large plastic bin ($20 at walmart), fold neatly (i'd suggest a flip n fold laundry helper- I can tell you how to make your own if you want) to fold uniformly all his shirts, pant etc. put them seasonally summer on bottom or winter depending on where your at and your weather. or just pick out what you want him to wear, keep a weeks worth of his favorite t'shirts, jeans, shorts... and donate the rest (this could be why my dh lives in another state lol) work one room at a time even if for a while you have to move clutter once one room/area is decluttered and he sees how nice it looks since most men are visual he may want to start helping.
it really sounds like to me he's a bit controlling- maybe his job is something that makes him not be in control and his home/clutter/not taking the tree down or letting you do it is a way to have control. seriously though, communication is key- 'honey, I just wanted to let you know that I realize your so busy and work so hard when you get home your tired and don't really feel up to helping me in the house so i'm implementing some changes and just want to make you aware if you have any questions or concerns please put it in writing and attach duplicates in my email...(ok so that was an attempt at humor)but let him know that your done with living in clutter. give him an opportunity to see how others who visit see your home (take pictures, make a list of things that need to be gotten rid of- let him mull over it for a day or so- that's plenty long enough-then get to work a little bit at a time.
my dh's mom kept everything- the stories he's told me and what I saw when I helped clean out the kitchen when she passed..

myself, I've just in the past 2 mths released several hundred lbs of 'well I might use that, stuff packed from my move 7 yrs ago-memories, accumulated things that mom's given me-mainly clothes' oh and books both mine and his-from childhood he got offered the opportunity to take them to his apt so I took them to the used book store (now I have a $289 store credit), I have two large plastic bins/tubs that house my winter/summer clothes. the library pantry that used to hold books now has my craft supplies and food storage. and I have a rule that I do try to live by: (mainly for dd who shows signs of being a packrat) new in/old out. she's one 14 yr old girl how many clothes does she need? really- lol
ds he has 3 pair of jeans, 3 dress shirts, and 7-9 tshirts he uses three drawers in his dresser. we've been out clothes shopping (which he hates) and he will tell me 'mama I've got enough for now'- he's my minimal boy. and dd use to keep candy wrappers cause her friend gave them to her at school- we've worked on that trait.

[peppermint66]

here ios a book you might find interesting OP:

"Digging Out: Helping Your Loved One Manage Clutter, Hoarding, and Compulsive Acquiring"

authors:
Michael A. TOMPKINS
and
Tamara L. HARTL

Published November 2009 by New Harbinger

ISBN-10: 1572245948
ISBN-13: 978-1572245945

[hnybny91]

Oh HELL NO. I would throw crap out one day while he was at work that just happened to be trash day. Box from the lap top? I threw out the box from the crock pot I bought YESTERDAY...before I even used it to make sure it worked (used it today, it works fine...lol.)

[cab54]

Same problem here---yeah, even boxes.

Not only is it my DH, but my grown DSs have a bunch of stuff here too. Mostly in their old rooms, but here and there, too. They live in states way far away, so taking all of this to their homes is probably NOT gonna happen soon. Or ever. I've been boxing up a lot of it, and labelling it, and storing it in the basement. Thanks God I have a basement.

OP, do you have an extra room, not in much use, that you could use as a 'junk' room, for storage of stuff your DH won't give up?

[Contrary Housewife]

I've been dealing with the same problem with DH since we got married. He never was organized, which made it harder to deal with. We combined 3 households when we moved, and then acquired my in-law's stuff when they passed. We had double, triples, quadruples of things.

I started by trying to organize things. I had a girlfriend over and we spent a Saturday going through the garage, tossing junk (mostly mine) empty moving boxes, and repacking/restacking stuff. I set DH's stuff aside for him to go through. He piled it right back into the garage. Sigh.

DH keeps computer boxes too. And old computer cases. And monitors, and keyboards, and components, and stuff I can't even identify. Over the years I got him to at least try to identify the working monitors and ditch the dead ones. I asked him how many spare keyboards we needed to keep around. A couple of years ago one of the office supply companies advertised they would collect computer waste for recycling. A year or two ago Goodwill did the same and we took multiple carloads.

Getting rid of old boxes was relatively easy, "Do we need to keep this? Do we even OWN this any more?"

With the old clothing, I asked him to pull out things that didn't fit or that he hadn't worn in a long time, and it went to the thrift shop. I even started keeping a donation box next to the recycle, for him to throw things into.

I think one of the keys is to move slowly. A few old shirts. One box at a time. If I try to dump too much at once he gets possessive and stubborn about it.

One large stumbling block has been the paperwork. He has box after box of stuff from his divorce, and multiple boxes of his parents papers that we couldn't just toss out. So it's been slow going on that end but every now and then he fills a bag with shredded paper.

If your DH is like mine he doesn't want to come home and clean. He doesn't want to have to sort stuff and make decisions. He needs to be motivated. He needs a compelling reason to do the work, and usually you being cranky about it is not enough.

For mine it was getting a new desk for his office. He had to move stuff to get the old one out and the new one in. 38 boxes of crap went into the basement rec room. But the office looked nice for a while. Of course it has taken the last 5 years to get those 38 boxes sorted and trashed.

This year he built himself a new desk. There was more cleaning, and now he has decided it is pretty nice in there (and the basement is full again) and he is talking about putting in shelving. And he is still slowly getting rid of stuff. But the pattern has been set up over the years and it is not such a chore for him now.

I've also taken opportunities to buy him "storage solutions" like closet shelving, storage bins, tool chests, etc to keep his stuff in. So now he has a good reason to keep his tools in one place instead of spread all over the house.

And I gave up waiting on him to be Mr Fixit. I now call a professional. He bitches about the cost but I remind him he doesn't want to spend his free time doing it and this way it will get done and he won't have to worry about it. I don't have half finished repair projects laying around on the floors any more.

I hope this helps give you some ideas, or at least some hope that he can be reformed with time and gentle nudging.

[frugalwarrior2]

CH-we married the same guy. I do have to admit i switch out clothes on him though. He is a geeks,geek. Self professed and he could care less about clothes as long as when he opens the drawer they are there. So once a year or every other year i replace it. Same kind,same color and prob. same size.
I finally have less monitors in the garage and in his office. Thank goodness technology has made them SMALLER!lol

[Spirit Deer]

It's been helpful around here to get him to work on his office for an hour a day after work. That way it's a limited proposition and he doesn't have to give up huge chunks of time to work on it, plus it's not as overwhelming as having to do it for hours and hours. Sorting all that crap is stressful and tiring so breaking it down into smaller chunks is more workable.

Another thing is to get it hauled as soon as it's sorted. Don't allow time for second-guessing.

[strezzed]

I have a system with DH. I make him (and myself) go through our closets and put what we don't wear in another location. From there, if we haven't taken it back, it goes out.

[mndtrp]

In a case like this, I would set aside an afternoon, grab a sixer of beer and a bottle of wine for the wife, turn up the tunes, and figure out what to do. We wouldn't stop until the area was clean, and not just shoved into another area.

[Winkie]

Like Spirit Deer, I use a time limit when ever I want DH to help me do stuff. In December we cleaned a bunch of stuff out of the garage. I told him, I think we can get enough done in two hours to get the car in. We were successful! Plus, when you are working on a time limit, you don't dwell over your pitching decisions too long. I find that scheduling the hour or two before a ball game he wants to watch is very productive.

I use the same tactics on myself when I need motivation. I commit to one hour a day for as many days I think it will take. I have gotten a lot of yard & garden work done that way.

[Sibrie]

Dh works from home in the evenings one week per month. Usually it's very quiet and there is no need to be in the study, but I ask him to be there and we go through the paperwork together. I used to be very organised until I met him, then I moved to London, then to Brussels, he followed me, we got married, had a baby, moved, bought a car, bought a house with a mortgage and a renovation and moved in, had another baby, bought a second car. Let's say the paperwork has grown and has not been neatly filed. The base is there, but we need to fill the binders. It's good to do it together so we both know what's going on, the insurances, the banks, marriage certificate, etc. and doing it while he is officially working gives a sence of skipping school to do something fun.