going off the deep end.....

[Maisiedotes]

UGHHHHH! I want to scream. I figured some people here may be able to commisserate. I have had it with the clutter in this house! We are actually in a condo... we have very little storage. My husband works alot, and I work less than part time. Maybe 10 hrs every 2 weeks. Which is fine.. but he doesn't want to get rid of anything! Boxes from laptops we bought 3 years ago.. things we "may need"... I am ready to scream. Today I am at my wits end. I am so tired of living in clutter, things he is afraid to get rid of... I try my best to declutter but god help me if I get rid of anything he thinks we should keep, even if it is a flipping cardboard box! Also, he procrastinates. It is Feb 9. We took our christmas tree down on Dec 26.. he insisted he would put the decorations away no matter how much I said I would do it. And there they sit. I tend to have some claustrophobia.. I can't deal with all this STUFF! His bureau is piled high with clothes that need to be put away.. yet his bureau drawers have no room in them. I don 't want to throw out his stuff.. I don't have the right. I just need some ideas on how to deal with wanting to declutter but having a partner who won't!

[frugalwarrior2]

I don't know how to solve your issue but I GET IT.
Dh has been cleaning out his little office room for 3 years? It's in the bsmt. He blocks the sewer access and the drain backs up every year. Invariably,he is out of town and i am scrambling. I was in an arguement w/ him and dredged it up saying I will just leave it to soak,work stuff and all. Because my health is worth more. Well, he ripped out his old desk and pitched it,built a bar type desk in an L. He got stackable and scrubbed them and sorted his electronic parts,got rid of 4 boxes of books. Be still my heart. I truely don't know what clicked.

Flash forward-I spent all night up cleaning dishes that DD let go. So today i said wash or hit the highway. She is skipping 2 college classes to do it! Cuz she finally knows I mean it!

So I ask you-whats the mama like? the dad? I truely believe its a least a little genetic followed by bad patterning.
My Dmom works hard and scrubs things at 79.

[Maisiedotes]

Its very interesting that you ask that. My therapist has been asking the same thing... although on a different subject. My MIL (whom my husband is EXACTLY like) is very laid back.. I would say to her detriment. My FIL is an OCD neatnik. I swear they play off each other. I am no neatnik by any stretch.. but my mom is very minimalist. I am a big fan of decluttering but my husband is not. I think since his parents have a TON of storage, it is easy to keep stuff. For us, every square inch of cabinet space is dire.

ETA: sorry. that was all over the place.. may I clarify? My MIL Is of the thought that "eh... we will find a place for it". My husband is the same. My FIL and I are of the frame of mind of "Eh, just GET RID OF IT!". It is just "stuff".

[Stacia]

Same here, when I want to get in the purging mode, I turn on the show Hoarders and get moving. Last week I found about 4 bags of clothing that no longer fit the kids and donated them to a local thrift shop.

If there are items he does not want to part with because he finds them valuable but does not use them, list them on eBay and give him the money. That helps to get someone motivated.

[frugalwarrior2]

Actually.I like stuff too. But it comes and goes,it's just stuff.
DD has an emotional attachment to everything. Her dad used to be the same (as he moved a lot and the people in his life where not relaible). To me,it becomes a prob. when you are unable to move freely or use the things you like or in our case set things on the counter to cook. If it causes odors or dust accumulation etc.
It sounds like you are far apart on the issue. W/ DH he has areas. I gave him a bathroom,the closet in the MIL and his bsmt office-I don't touch or clean those areas.
Of course he is not banned from the other areas or anything weird like that but his clutter can't live on the kitchen counter or the end tables,etc. His stuff must be in the office and not outside in the bsmt blocking work areas. We been at this 30 years. We almost have it right,lol

No stacia that isn't right. That won't do anything but breed contempt. He "needs" those things for emotional that he prob. doesn't understand. This is a time when you have peek behind that curtain.imho

[Stacia]

Actually.I like stuff too. But it comes and goes,it's just stuff.
DD has an emotional attachment to everything. Her dad used to be the same (as he moved a lot and the people in his life where not relaible). To me,it becomes a prob. when you are unable to move freely or use the things you like or in our case set things on the counter to cook. If it causes odors or dust accumulation etc.
It sounds like you are far apart on the issue. W/ DH he has areas. I gave him a bathroom,the closet in the MIL and his bsmt office-I don't touch or clean those areas.
Of course he is not banned from the other areas or anything weird like that but his clutter can't live on the kitchen counter or the end tables,etc. His stuff must be in the office and not outside in the bsmt blocking work areas. We been at this 30 years. We almost have it right,lol

No stacia that isn't right. That won't do anything but breed contempt. He "needs" those things for emotional that he prob. doesn't understand. This is a time when you have peek behind that curtain.imho

You've stood by him for 30 years. Let him know that It's the people that are important in our lives. Maybe you could let him choose some things to let go of, the belongings are becoming a security blanket it sounds like. Clutter can also add to the stress of a household.

I know it can be very hard and takes time, my daughter can be like this with her toys she's 10 and cried briefly when she saw I had donated some of her items, but once she saw we were making room for new items (Christmas toys) she was ok with it. She was happy other kids could enjoy them.

[StartingOver]

When the clutter starts to build, I gather it up and put it in the living room and tell everyone, If this is still here tomorrow, it goes in the garbage or donated to goodwill. It it's there the next day I gather it up and get rid of it.

I truly hate clutter! It drives me absolutely crazy.

[oheoh's momma]

This is a issue I have with hubby and grandma...
grandma keeps card board boxes shoe boxes , cereal boxes, ect...it kills me her room looks like hoarders 200..her LR has tree up that hubby has not took down. boxes of stuff behind the recliner hid..I keep cleaning suppiles down there for it to be easier for her. She sayes it is tacky to see it.. well she can't find them to clean... the kitchen we share has a cabinet full of washed pickle jars and spaghetti sauce jars we are never going to use...
she hoards old make up and personal hygiene stuff it smells.. I throw it away and buy her new she goes through the garbage after the old and puts away the new.
Hubby works all the time and is exhausted. he has tools in the kitchen floor he will not put away...
laundry and shoes up stairs to put away. he has 2 chests of drawers that are full, night stand that is full, half of our master closet, and another closet full.. this is his clothes not mine... Our rich friend always gives him clothes.. her hubby and son are the same size as him. love it really appreciate it. but he has a lot. he finds stuff he has lost and it is new...
boxes of jeff jordon toys.
the Christmas tree up here is still up and the decorations are setting under the window.
My son has a new set of tefal cookers, a used microwave, a set of coffee cups in the kitchen waiting for him to take home.
My daughter lives with her boy friend and has closet full of clothes, boxes of barbies, a trunk full of ?
point being I surrounded by clutters and it drives me crazy and depresses me..I have painting still not hung..ect
sometimes it is mental illness that is grandma and I try to work with her...she has actually started throwing old make up away.
son is laziness he doesn't care were it is .
my daughter is a lack of space and she is having a yard sale to get rid of most of it...
Hubby is exhausted and does not care so he puts it off on me.....
keep your area clean and the way u want it... try to explain to him that the boxes are taking up space that he could put important stuff if he won't get rid of a cardboard box.....it is probably mental and that is another ball game...
fw2 is smart to let him have his areas....maybe u can do that..hugs dearie it is gonna be difficult

[McD]

You've stood by him for 30 years. Let him know that It's the people that are important in our lives. Maybe you could let him choose some things to let go of, the belongings are becoming a security blanket it sounds like. Clutter can also add to the stress of a household.

I know it can be very hard and takes time, my daughter can be like this with her toys she's 10 and cried briefly when she saw I had donated some of her items, but once she saw we were making room for new items (Christmas toys) she was ok with it. She was happy other kids could enjoy them.

Out of curiousity, why wasn't your daughter a part of the process of picking out what things she did and didn't want to donate?

[shoiji]

Definately feel for you.

Just myself here but there are times I just need to stop and declutter. To much stuff sitting around just leaves me feeling anxious.

[frugalwarrior2]

Nah. Things are fine. I honor him enough that he keeps his things in his area I'm good. Accept people for their flaws and they accept you.
I also wonder why she didn't get to pick.

[Stacia]

Out of curiousity, why wasn't your daughter a part of the process of picking out what things she did and didn't want to donate?

She was part of the process, she's always fine up to the point of physically taking the items out of the house. She will have had the items in bags in the halls for days sometimes. Once I start taking stuff out to the car (or she sees I have taken them) she changes her mind, I then have to explain to her once again the reason we are donating the items.

I really do not want my kids being materialistic, there are way more import things in life then belongings. They also do not like to clean up their toys once they pull them all out. She was rewarded with getting a baby alive that she wanted for months after the last purge. The people next door had given her tons of toys that she didn't even look twice at until I asked her to donate them.

[Stacia]

If it comes down to her being in a mess of a bedroom because she decides she doesn't want to donate anything, I have to step up and be the parent.. We have a very small 3 bedroom apartment, with no storage. She's 10 going on 11 it's more of a whine then an actual cry!

[mombottoo]

Some people are packrats...I do believe there are quite a few of us here at FV !

Any how I'm a clutterbug, packrat, not as bad as I used to be...but, well there's still plenty of room for improvement...my hubby is too. Luckily for the most part his packratting is limited to the garage except for his record albums and dvds...and now he's started collecting kerosene lamps for some reason, he's up to 15 at last count and they are all sitting in various different spots in the livingroom.

Let's say my dh decided to get rid of something of mine...it wouldn't bode well for him. He doesn't touch my stuff, I don't touch his and we've learned to adjust to each other's oddities .

OP--you've given hubby ample time to put away the Christmas stuff...do it yourself. If he says anything tell him you were tired of waiting. There really isn't a need to save a box unless it's for something that is still under warranty or a collectable of some sort that will be more valuable with the box. Hubby still had the box stashed away from one of his 400 disc cd changers...warranty expired years ago. Asked him if someone could have it for packing & he finally let go of it....so, there is hope.

[ferhoodled]

My husband keeps boxes for everything. He used to be a big ebay seller and original boxes increased the price he could get for things. Now he doesn't ebay but he still keeps boxes. Ugh. It is our biggest source of clutter.