Where do you draw the line on gifts?

[judembc]

Thank you I knew I'd get good honest answers here. This is what I do, but after reading the article and listening to other parents I was really feeling like I was cheap or something.
For my hairstylist I always just get a wash & cut. She's nice to me and always accomodating (?sp). I give her 40% tip everytime I see her. IF I end up in the shop during the holiday season I give her a little more on top of the usual tip.
Our mail lady is great - We have a 300 foot driveway. If something won't fit in the box she comes up the drive and leaves it on the front seat of my car for us. Otherwise it's in the mailbox at the street. At XMas I put a gift card to a local restaurant in a card for her with a note. Once she got her truck stuck in the snow & DH pushed her out. She sent us a nice letter of thanks. Which left a great impression on me.
Our garbage man I haven't given anything to bcuz they pull up in a truck and a claw comes out & picks up the bin and dumps it in the truck. Then they just drop the bin anywhere it happens to fall. They never have to get out of the truck. I leave really early for work and have never seen them and have felt it's not like a special service we pay taxes to cover the garbage pickup.
We always tip in restaurants 20% no matter what. A few times we had bad service we complained, but still left the tip bcuz we felt it wasn't the servers fault.
DS's teacher - I have always given the MAIN teacher a gift card to either Barnes & Noble or a local restaurant. A few times if he's told me he has a class helper and he wanted to get her a gift I've bought various things from scarves, gloves to gift cards for the local coffee shop. All at a cost less than what was spent on the teacher.
I have NEVER gotten the other teachers i.e. music, art, gym, etc. gifts. I have thought of baking them stuff, but then heard comments from people I know who are teachers that they don't eat home made items because they never know how they were made or prepared.
I thank you all for your input. Listening to some others around here and how they tip just about everyone they meet had me thinking I wasn't with the times. You ALL made me feel much better and I will continue to tip who I feel I deserves it - LOL

[frugalfranny]

Our mail lady is great - We have a 300 foot driveway. If something won't fit in the box she comes up the drive and leaves it on the front seat of my car for us. Otherwise it's in the mailbox at the street. L

OMG..............you had best give that mail lady a KISS TOO................what a sweetheart!!!

If you had my mailman.......you would not only get the box DROPPED (or thrown--depending on mood) at the door.......and may or MAY NOT ring the doorbell..........but the rest of ANY mail would be still at the end of the driveway. It is BEYOND him to deliver it all.....................my other one THAT WAS A SWEETHEART did it............but he retired!!

Valerian.............if we lived closer I would say you must have my mailman!!!

[BlissMommy]

I tip the waitress when we eat out if they do a good job and that is about it. I don't tip anyone else, because with this economy, I'm having a hard enough time taking care of our family needs.

[bent]

No I don't give gifts to the 3 supervisors at dd's school, rarely eat out so no tipping there but when we do I tip in relation to service -bad service I leave a note suggesting how to be a better server, goo service gets a good tip, as to the other's No to trash guys, mail carrier, nor stylists. although before my favorite stylist retired due to MS I'd tip her well for her perm/color she did for me.

[mamamia]

I've always GENEROUSLY tipped my hairdresser ($25-$35 range), and will do the same for good service and food in a restaurant. I used to work in a beauty shop and depended alot more on my tips than wages, so I absolutely "get it". We don't celebrate christmas, so I don't worry about the whole teachers, aides, etc., but have felt compelled to send end of year gifts to some. Also, I will always tip delivery men, carpet layers, and pizza delivery service. Tip cups set out for counter service somehow seems too presumptuous to me. But will occasionally drop a dollar bill in one if it's a nice kid or senior.

It can get overwhelming. And if you have to ask "where to draw the line", my guess is that you're feeling just that. And it's JMOTC, but if it stops being a "joyful" event, then it's time to either stop or slow down. Follow your heart on this one!

Theresa

[mom2bobsarah]

Well here's my take, I used to get my mailman something for Christmas each year as I used to sell a lot on Ebay and at the holidays I buy many things online that he delivers. He is very nice and will bring things to the door with all of our mail for that day, wrap up package in plastic if there is bad weather, etc. I don't do that too much, so if I have the ability, I try to get him a little something still, a box of chocolates or something, just a little token of my appreciation. As far as teachers go, I generally give a holiday gift (which tends to have things they can use in call such as notepads, stickers for the kids, pencils, etc.)and an end of the year gift, which is generally a giftcard to the grocery store or our local convenience store WaWa) in a smaller denomination of about $15-20. Although with that said, I actually did not give one of my son's teachers a gift this year, because I do not think she earned one from my child. My little guy is Autistic, so since there are so many aides and therapists, I bake a tray of cookies, take it in for them and give them a heartfelt thank you for their help.We also get our bus driver something, we have had the same one for the last three years and she takes very good care of my kids. I do not tip our paper delivery person because they are unreliable and I get annoyed by that, I have at least one day a week that I don't get my paper and while the company reimburses me, I don't actually get a copy of that day's paper and it annoys me because it tens to be on days there are special things in the paper, like on Thursdays they have an entertainment paper of all the stuff that is going on locally for the weekend, we three kids we find that super handy and it is one of the reasons we get a paper.

[oheoh's momma]

I tip my hair dresser and when we eat out and tip if the service was great or pitiful accordingly..... I don't gift the mailman he never even said hi to me....

as far as gift giving goes I would gift according to the relationship... If the garbage man does an amazing job I would give him a small token.......By the way mine suck..leave trash all over street..

teachers if u feel they have done an exceptional job with your kids only....then a 5 - 10 dollar gift card would be fine.

hope this helped

[miss_cas]

I tip manicurist, hair dresser and wait staff. I refuse to do this for anyone else. Long gone are the days any of my employers did anything for me for xmas.

I wouldn't exchange gifts at all. I don't want to store something, clean it, maintain it and display it to soothe the recipient. I don't want to shop for it or see it in someone else's house. I don't want to return it. I don't want to budget for it. The holidays have little to do with the intended reason for this holiday; it's just the retail season and handout time any longer.

The only exception are the gifts for my little nieces. Their grands and other aunt/uncle are wealthy so I don't go for Wow, I just try for Neat!

[bookwormpeg]

I tip my hair dresser every time I go in and around Christmas time I tip extra. I leave the mailman a box of chocolates as he is very friendly and visits with us if we are outside. I also bag up individual candy and leave for the garbage men...since I never know if there will be two or threee on the truck...I figure they can share. No kids in school so don't have teachers to consider. I use to give home baked goods to all the neighbors but have stopped that.....they don't really know me....they don't know if I keep a nice clean home (I do) but, since I am older now, no immune system, very conscious about germs, I don't eat anything from anyone I don't know or haven't been in their homes...and to be honest, they never acknowledge the gifts....I still give gifts to the two boys who live next door(10 & 16 yrs old)as they are sweet kids & I do like their Mom, who might as well be a single Mom as she does everything. I had a little girl live next door and I would always decorate her yard at Easter with eggs and leave a basket on the porch for her...at Christmas & her birthday, I always got her a gift (nothing big....just a little something) I had a "talking" doll and she would come over and play with her...She lived next door from age 4-7....I got a phone call this past Easter from this "little" girl who is now going on 13 and she said she loved me & she missed living next door to me and thank me for making the holidays special for her! How sweet...coming from a teenager!!!! Made my day!

[McD]

I tip my hairstylist and waitstaff. I have never left a gift/tip for my mail carrier.

I send homemade goodies to both my neighbors and an older couple that live around the block from us.

At Christmas time, my son gave his teacher a hand-knit cowl and some homemade body scrub. For teacher appreciation week, I gave her a gift card to Barnes and Noble. We had two bookfairs this year and purchased and donated a few books for her classroom as well.

I gift to who I want, when I want.

Nuisance---the story about your brother made me wonder what my garbage man thinks about my kids. As soon as they hear the garbage truck, they going running outside to clap and cheer for him.

[Cedar]

As a preschool teacher's assistant, I can offer a unique view on the teacher gift giving. First of all, I'm an assistant. I work 8 hours a day with my class of kids, same as the "real" teacher. We usually get gifts on Christmas and for end of the year. I have never gotten the same gifts as the teacher does. I get smaller gifts or no gifts. Now, I didn't get into teaching for the gifts. 3 year olds are challenging, but I love working with them. The laughter, the curiosity, the creativity, all drive my passion for teaching. But I do feel forgotten or unappreciated when I see my partner teacher get a big gift card and flowers while I got a basic card or a knick knack I'll never use. Or nothing. I do enjoy gifts, especially gift cards, which I re-gift to save money during the holidays. But it seems most people see the teacher as more valuable than the assistant.

Here's what I really want, though. I love the parents who take the time to speak to me and thank me face to face for teaching their child. I enjoy it when the child has taken time from their nightly activities to color me a picture. I love it when parents do little things, things most others don't notice. Like washing their child's nap time sheets and placing the sheet on top of the blanket so its easier to get out at nap time. Or teaching their child how to open their own lunch containers. Or remembering to bring in whatever items they've volunteered for a party. I really enjoy it when a parent shows up early to pick up their child (this means the child gets some rare quality time, and I get an easier afternoon with fewer kids and more one on one time). Most of all, I love it when parents acknowledge that they think I'm doing a good job, that they know I've impacted their child. I'm not out to beg for presents or resent those who who don't gift me, but when someone works hard and gets no acknowledgment they start to work less and less until they are just coasting by. And that can truly lead to some ineffective teaching and some awful teachers.

As someone on the bottom of the gift giving totem pole, I urge everyone with kids to take the time at Christmas and at the end of the year to write out a simple note. Or even better get you child to. Even a quick "My favorite part of your class was..." will put a smile on a teacher's face. It costs nothing, and reminds the teacher that all their hard work and sweat paid off. It will encourage them to work just as hard in the coming years.

((Sorry about the length there. I just realized that I got a little bit, uh, preachy there, yeah? To answer the original question, I tip my hairdresser very well when I go, which is once a year. I tend to prefer to cut my own hair. Also it never really occurred to me to gift or tip my mail person or garbage pick up people. I never really see them. Garbage is picked up earlier than I get up, and simply involves them using the truck claw to pick up the bin and set it back down. The mail person comes while I am at work, and just drives their truck right up to the mailbox. I always tip when eating out unless the service is just horribly bad. Also I almost never eat out.))